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Parenting

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Original poster

Are there rules for which nursery you can choose?

53 replies

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 25/04/2011 09:38

what I mean is Childcare is currently shared between DM and DMIL
DS is due to start next summer I've been told I'll need to register him soon
I live about 20 miles from my mum (but just short train journey)
And about 8 from mil (has a car)

Mil has now said she wants DS at nursery in her area

I thought it would have to be local to my house, but also if I choose her nursery then my mum would never see DS

I just thought it would be easier for all if DS was watched at my house within walking distance
Also by the time he starts DC2 will be here

So do you have to choose nursery within catchment like schools?
Do u think I'm being selfish for wanting to?

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Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 25/04/2011 09:38

Sorry for long op

OP posts:

LIZS · 25/04/2011 09:42

If it is a state-run one (ie attached to a school) then they may well give priority base don home addresss but otherwise no restrictions for privately funded ones which you may still get your EY funding. Staying local may be easier for friendship groups etc especially if he will also go on to a local school.

LynetteScavo · 25/04/2011 09:43

Not at all selfish.

Is the nursery near your MIL fantastic, or just convenient for her?

Unless the nursery is LEA, and attached to the school, it will be first come first served.

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Rosebud05 · 25/04/2011 09:43

I'm not sure tbh. Though do you really want your ds 'commuting' every day?

I would definitely want my kids in nursery near their home, so that their home is base, they can make local friends, you can meet local parents.

You're not being selfish - you're just putting your ds's needs first as you should.

Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 25/04/2011 09:54

It's just convenient for mil
I agree with local friends also as we haven't lived here v long and DH and I don't know anyone yet v small village.

I also think it would be easier/cheaper for them to watch kids at mine as it would be my heating food etc their using, all mess from toys etc wKyle be in my house and DC2 will only be 9mo when I go back to work so better for cot pram toys nappies etc

But obviously dont want to rock the boat as I know how lucky I am having free childcare

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 09:57

How much childcare is MIL doing compared to your mum, and how often?

If MIL is doing say 4 days a week then I can see her POV. She will be doing an awful lot of ferrying around.

ShoshanaBlue · 25/04/2011 09:59

If you are talking about the nursery class in a school, then the admissions criteria is the same as for the school - sometimes it is done through the LEA and sometimes through the school. If it's a private day nursery then it's different.

Even if it is school, then you still have to reapply for reception and being in school already doesn't have a part in the admissions criteria.

SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 09:59

Maybe she doesn't want to do it at your house? My parents won't look after DC in my home, I have to take them up there. OTOH DFIL prefers to look after them at our house.

Depends how it's all set up TBH. If MIL is doing bulk of it then I think she gets input into how and where TBH as she is doing you a big favour.

If she isn't doing much then it seems silly to put DS in nursery miles away from home.

Northernlurker · 25/04/2011 10:05

- you expect your mil to travel 16 miles a day to look after your dcs (and your mum even further) arriving in time for you to go to work, take your ds to nursery, pick him up at lunchtime, amuse the baby throughout then drive/train home? I'm sure you do think this arrangement is 'easy.'
I can't believe this. Do you pay their travel costs?

With regard to nursery though - I suggest you pick a local nursery and whilst you are about it pick a childminder or nursery for your ds and thus let your mil and mum get on with their own lives.

Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 25/04/2011 11:37

Mil and mum enjoy watching and spending time with their grandson, yes I'll pay their travel costs currently they do 2days each per week.
Mil is less than 5mins drive she has her own car, my mum would get a train in the morning and I would drive her home after work,
I hope to go back to work 3 days per week so they could take turns to have 1day every 2nd week and 2days every other week (if that makes sense)

Obviously it's not what I would consider EASY! Easy would be if I could afford to give up work and actually see my kids more myself.

But in any case the GP would still want to see DS on at least a weekly basis (I get endless complaints if I dare take him on holiday for over a week or if for any reason one GP doesn't have him that week)

OP posts:

Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 25/04/2011 11:41

Oh and both my local nursery and mil local nursery are state run and attatched to schools

OP posts:

Firawla · 25/04/2011 11:44

Most of them allocate places based on distance (school nurseries do and children's centre ones, not sure about private) so practically it may not be easy to get him in somewhere near to someone else's house (unless putting mil's as his address, which may not be a good idea anyway as it is lying). If it's a good and popular nursery, the places will most likely be filled with people who are much nearer, so it would become a non issue i think

SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 17:26

You MIL can drive 8 miles in 5 minutes?

Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 25/04/2011 17:29

Both the mileage and time are guesses

OP posts:

Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 25/04/2011 17:30

But yes I can make it to her house in 5, she would prob be closer to 10 mins

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 25/04/2011 21:33

There is no way she lives 8 miles away unless you and she are driving horribly fast in what I assume is a built up area. 5 minutes drive in an urban area is maybe two miles or so? If she only lives that distance away then tbh I would go with her choice of nursery. She is doing you a major favour - I think you owe it to her to minimise the interference in her life.

elphabadefiesgravity · 25/04/2011 21:36

My children go to school 7 miles away and it takes 30 mins in the morning 15 mins in the afternoon down a 70mph limit dual carriageway.

Most state school nurseries allocate places according to distance you live away apart from some religious ones.

Ishani · 25/04/2011 21:37

Have you even looked at the nurseries ? You can't chose them on convenience there are good and bad. Which one is best for your child not childcare.

SardineQueen · 26/04/2011 08:08

Five minutes drive here in rush hour would get you a distance you could walk in 2!!!!

Can you really not tell us how far away it is?

A 5 min drive in a residential area - wouldn't it be better for all involved to be walking? I can't see that can be very far at all!

A 5 min drive with your MIL belting round the motorway with her foot hard to the floor - I wouldn't ask someone to do that for me as a favour, it's very stressful - so she has a point.

Plus what Ishani said.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/04/2011 08:39

as the op said she lived in a v small village I would assume we're not talking about non residential roads

Secondly, why is it on here that if gps look after the children that everyone assumes it's because you've held a gun to their head? Is it so hard to believe that some gps might be the ones doing the gun pointing and absolutey love looking after the children?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/04/2011 08:39

Sorry are talking about non residential roads...

breatheslowly · 26/04/2011 08:53

If your nursery is attached to the school your DS is going to go to then you would be best off sending him there. Otherwise he will arrive in reception and find that the other children know each other from nursery. This isn't the end of the world and must happen to plenty of children, but it would ease his transition to primary school to already know children through nursery. If this is your preference too, then I think this is a pretty sound argument.

wolfhound · 26/04/2011 08:58

i agree Gwendoline, why do people think it's taking advantage of GPs? My mum travels a 400 mile round trip nearly every week to look after my DSs for 2 days a week. Totally her decision, I repeatedly check with her that it's not too much. She adores them and they adore her.

I think you have to pick the best nursery for your DC. If there is a lovely nursery in your village where your DS will meet local children that he will go on to be at school with then that should override MIL's convenience (from the sound of it it won't be that far away from her either). And on the days your mother's doing, how would your mother get him to a nursery that's near your MIL if she doesn't drive? Best to have continuity for your DS.

StealthyKissBeartrayal · 26/04/2011 09:07

NL in fairness both my mum and MIL look after my two for a day each while I'm at work. They both travel further than 16 miles to do so. They have both made it very clear that they want to do this - at the start, when I went back after DD and now DS is starting school I have spoken about FT childcare and they have both said they want to continue - in fact when I got pg with DD, MIL was put out (not much obviously) as she had just retired and wanted to do more. I would be going against their wishes putting them in FT childcare - and in lots of ways it would be easier for me.

SardineQueen · 26/04/2011 09:31

Gwendoline because her MIL has told her how she wants it to work with the childcare, and the OP wants to tell her no, she has to do it the OPs way. Which will involve more effort for the MIL and involve her looking after the DC at OPs house. It sounds like she doesn't want to do these things.

MIL has registered her preference / her terms. It's clear that she doesn't want to do it the OPs way, and she is doing the OP a favour. So why are people comparing it to situations where the GPs are doing things that they want to do?

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