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Parenting

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Original poster

How old were your DCs when they first spent a night away from you?

59 replies

bt1978 · 19/04/2011 10:31

Just wondering.
DD is 14mo and DH wants us to have a night to ourselves/away. I'm not sure I'm ready for that, even though I know she'd be well looked after by my mum or MIL.
How did your DCs handle it?

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nethunsreject · 19/04/2011 10:34

Ds1 was 4 years Just hadn't had the need for it till then. Ds2 is 10mths and hasn't yet, but bloody will be as soon as bfing days are over.

14mths is fine if you are comfortable with it. But you ned to feel ready.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 10:34

Mine haven't yet! They're 3 and 6. My MIL and Mum aren't interested in that so we'rre going to pop the older one to her cousins for a night.

I think at 1 months it will be fine....but it's totally up to you...dont do it if you dont want to. DH wants you to....but if it's not something you are happy with then you're not going to have a good time are you?

FoxyRevenger · 19/04/2011 10:43

Erm...8 weeks. Then about once every other month since. She's ten months now.

She's fine with it. She had a few nights when she was around 5/6 months where she didn't settle as easily as at home, but that's to be expected, I think.

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Original poster

bt1978 · 19/04/2011 10:52

Thanks for the replies - I see it's different for everyone.
DH seems to think that it's something we should do - a lot of our friend's DCs spend nights away from them.
Personally I don't feel the need as she sleeps really well, and our marriage is all good, and we do get out for dinner about once a month.

OP posts:

nethunsreject · 19/04/2011 10:54

Oh, no, no, no to the 'should'.

Sod everyone else. Do what feels right for your family. For some people a weekend away is necessary for sanity/marriage. For others, (me and dh) we don't really need any dc-free time other than an hour on the sofa in the evening. Neither is wrong. Just different families with different needs/wants.

BertieBotts · 19/04/2011 11:05

DS was 2.3, and didn't cope very well at all. He didn't settle well and seemed frightened of going to sleep. This was at my mum's house - I left him again about 6 weeks later but my mum came here, settled him in his own bed, we explained everything in detail to him beforehand (whereas the first time I told him what would happen but I'm not sure he understood what I meant) - and he was absolutely fine.

I think that if I was to try out of the home again it would have to be somewhere he was more familiar with - although he sees my mum most weeks, we rarely visit her house. I am thinking of asking my childminder if she would be happy for him to stay overnight occasionally (paid obviously) and at what age, because he spends so much time at her house it ought to be more familiar to him. I think it's quite important to do things slowly and I feel awful that I made DS try such a big jump the first time he stayed overnight.

I don't think you should do it just because all your friends are. Why does DH think she should? Is it because he thinks she won't want to when older if she doesn't now? Because I think that's unlikely. The older they are when they try something for the first time, the more equipped they are to deal with it. If it's just because he would like a weekend away just the two of you, I think that makes more sense as a reason, but I'd probably wait until you both feel she's ready. It won't hurt to wait a bit longer. Also possibly fourteen months might be a bad time to try it for the first time, under 6 months and they don't mind who is looking after them as long as someone is, but then separation anxiety kicks in, and I think they struggle with unfamiliar experiences (especially separation) until they develop more verbal understanding at 2 or so.

ragged · 19/04/2011 11:14

DC1: 14 months (our wedding night). Not again until he was 8yo.
DC2: Nearly 8yo, when she went on Brownie pack holiday.
DC3 is nearly 7yo and never had a night away from us.

That's not by choice, though, if I had relatives willing to take them sooner I would probably encourage it, although maybe not as young as 14 months just for the principle of it.

mrsravelstein · 19/04/2011 11:16

ds1 at 8 months and has regularly stayed with grandparents and friends since then.

ds2 spent 1 night away from us when he was 2 and he hated it and has never slept away again.

dd is 15 months and never slept away.

i must say, i wish the younger 2 were as relaxed about sleeping arrangements as it would make life easier...

LouMacca · 19/04/2011 12:13

Our twins stayed at their grandparents house for the first time when they were nearly 4 (our choice). Just preferred them to be babysat at our house. They are now 8 and stay over at grandparents approx. once every 2 months.

My DS stayed over at Beaver camp last year when he was 7 and my DD is doing a Brownie sleepover this year.......

ceebie · 19/04/2011 12:22

When DD was 15 months she stayed at our home with her grandparents while we stayed over with friends.

Don't do it until you are ready. On the other hand it is extremely good for you and your DH to have time alone together, even if you don't feel you need it, you will appreciate it when you have it!

The key thing is that you need to be confident in your child's carer(s) to relax when away.

We built up to it - a few months before, we went away for an afternoon and evening so that the grandparents were giving her dinner and putting her to bed. After that, staying away all night wasn't very different really.

BikeRunSki · 19/04/2011 12:26

When DS was 26 months old, I had my 40th birthday. He stayed at home, DM came to look after him and DH and I went to New York for 5 days. Apparently he did not miss us at all. He has not yet stayed away at a different house without me though.

ceebie · 19/04/2011 12:27

And meant to say, she wasn't bothered in the least - very happy to have granny looking after her.

superv1xen · 19/04/2011 12:34

they were both about 6 weeks.

they went to their grandparents though, not some random.

i had no qualms about it. and they are now 5 and nearly 2 and regularly stay with family. so me and dh can get pissed shag and sleep in

homeagainhomeagain · 19/04/2011 12:34

Our dd1 was 8 mo and stays very happily with family and friends. Our DD2 had to at 9 mo because I went back to work, she got conjunctivitis so was looked after by family. To be fair, my kids settle well, prob wouldn't do it if they didn't, not fair on the babysitter

superv1xen · 19/04/2011 12:35

oh and me and dh are off to america in may while they stay with gps.

Francagoestohollywood · 19/04/2011 12:42

Ds was roughly 9 months when we left him with my parents for a short weekend away. He was absolutely fine, as he was used to them (and inlaws too) and my parents have always been hands on etc (my mother in particular is great with babies)

Dd was about 12 moths, I can't remember! Again, she was fine.

LaWeasel · 19/04/2011 12:56

DD was 3 mths, and went to PILs - I was happy that they would cope so I didn't worry about it.

Some people might think it's PFB but when she was small I would give any babysitter's a rough itinery of when she might want milk/sleep, just to reassure myself that they weren't going to spend ages trying to rock her to sleep when she was usually hungry at that time of day.

flyingcloud · 19/04/2011 13:03

I went away when DD was 11 weeks old but she stayed at home with DH. DD stayed somewhere other than home, without both of us (with MIL) at 7 months. She was fine on both occasions.

gillybean2 · 19/04/2011 14:14

The first evening I went out without ds I was a nervous wreck and couldn't enjoy myself and had to go home early. He was about 4 months old.
He first stayed away overnight when he was about 6 I reckon with a good friend for a sleepover. Again I was anxious and phoned a lot to check but he was fine it was just me who wasn't!

I think you need to be ready for it, and if you aren't you will worry yourself sick and not enjoy the weekend away which kind of makes it pointless.

Why is your dh so determined you SHOULD do it? This is your child and your rules. There is no 'should' about how you choose to bring her up. The only SHOULD is understanding (from him about why you aren't happy and you as to why he wants this) and possible compromise, not being guilted or forced to agree against your instincts.

AngelDog · 19/04/2011 19:36

Not yet at 15 months, and I reckon it's unlikely to happen before 2, probably not till much later.

I reckon going out for dinner once a month is pretty good - DH and I have been out without DS 3 times in his life so far.

As others have said, it's important that you're all happy to do it when you do choose to.

Ripeberry · 19/04/2011 19:52

Our DDs are almost 9yrs old and 6yrs old and although we have stayed in lots of different places with them, we have only had about 3 evenings away from them in all that time.

We have never had a weekend away as we don't have relatives that can help.
They have had a few sleepovers at friend's houses but never at the same time.

Maybe we will get a weekend together without kids when they are teenagers, but for now I don't feel the need to 'be away from the kids'.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 19/04/2011 19:58

dd1 was 13months - it was my 30th birthday. she stayed with MIL, whom she adores, and was fine. she is now 4, and "having a sleep at grandma's" is a very special treat in her eyes, although she has probably only done so 6 or 7 times in total.
dd2 is a nightmare different kettle of fish, and I'm not sure she'll be ready for an overnight by 13 months. or indeed 13 years at this rate .

TrinityRhino · 19/04/2011 20:02

dd1 was about 14 months but she went to stay with my mum and dad who were only 20 mins away and we had lived with them for the first four months of her life and were very close to them all the time

dd2...erm....4 I think she stayed at my best friends house with her older dd

gecko has just turned four and she hasn't stayed away anywhere yetnot yet but she is...mainly cuase I no longer live anywhere near my mum and dad (same reason why dd2 was older before she did) and she is still breastfed

TrinityRhino · 19/04/2011 20:03

that meant to say 'hasn't stayed anywhere yet ....mainly cause I no'

blackteaplease · 19/04/2011 20:12

We left dd when she was 8mo at the gps house for a night while we had a night in a hotel for our anniversary , we were gone for 24 hrs. I was (still am) breastfeeding but we don't get many opportunities for time together as we don't live near our families and at 15mo she is still a rubbish sleeper. I was very stressed about it in the run up but actually she was fine and I managed to have a grown up treat with DH.

If you are getting out for dinner once a month that's good going imo. Don't feel forced into doing anything you aren't happy with. The only benefit is that you can lie in in the morning and not have to rush out of bed to sort breakfast/ nappies etc.

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