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Parenting

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Original poster

How old were your DCs when they first spent a night away from you?

59 replies

bt1978 · 19/04/2011 10:31

Just wondering.
DD is 14mo and DH wants us to have a night to ourselves/away. I'm not sure I'm ready for that, even though I know she'd be well looked after by my mum or MIL.
How did your DCs handle it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

wubblybubbly · 19/04/2011 20:12

DS is 4 and has yet to spend the night anywhere but here.

My mother's is the only place he could realistically spend the night, but she smokes like a chimney and has countless medications and such shit strewn around the only bedroom.

I'd stay away in a hotel and let her take care of him here though. Like a shot

NellyTheElephant · 19/04/2011 20:23

All 3 of mine were probably about 12 weeks when I first left them (at which stage I was still exclusively bf so much pumping). They are all super happy to stay with grandparents and I make the most of it (when either of the gps can be persuaded to take all 3, which isn't that often as it's very hard work). Each to their own and of course you must do what you feel is best, but maybe if your DH is keen to get away for a night perhaps you should let him organise something special - find a nice hotel that isn't to far away from home so you know that in a real crisis you could go back and then make the most of a real treat and a lovely lie.

Ciske · 19/04/2011 20:29

Three months, if I remember correctly. I first left her alone for a night with DP at 2 months and at 3.5 months she spent a week abroad with me (visiting my side of the family), away from DP.

Kids are born and raised in the most extreme of circumstances across the world and will cope with anything, as long as they are comfortable and well fed. It's normally the parents that need to do most of the adjusting. :)

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seeker · 19/04/2011 20:31

Dd still has to nerve herself up for a sleepover at 15

Ds would have gone withe The Child Catcher at 3 days!

Depend on the child, I say!

seeker · 19/04/2011 20:32

That's 15 years - not months!

GrownUpNow · 19/04/2011 20:37

DS was two days old when I had my first night away from him, but that was hospital. He was then three weeks when I had a proper night off, but again, I wasn't 100% well and I needed to sleep. He then stayed away once a week at granny's house until I was better. At nine months he was away every weekend as me and his dad split up and that was his access times. He's five years old now and spends every other weekend and every Monday at dad's house, no worries at all about being away, though I really miss him now.

DD has stayed away a handful of times, probably from about nine months old. She's less comfortable with it, so we take it easier.

monkoray · 19/04/2011 21:19

My DS was 13 months and he only stayed away because my MIL had offered to look after him while i was at work and DH was on a business trip and we didn't think it was fair for her to have to get to our house for 6am to let me go to work. He hasn't stayed away again since (now 18 months). If its not out of necessity I'm of the school of thought that kids don't 'need' to stay at others houses until they are old enough to want to do it.

iskra · 19/04/2011 21:27

DD has had 3 overnights away from us, between the ages of 2 and 3. Twice with my mum and once with my sister in law. It's been lovely for us & we've really enjoyed the time away, & DD has been absolutely fine.

NoWayNoHow · 19/04/2011 21:27

DS was 15.5 months when he had his first night away from us, and it was more than a night! Sister got married 6,000 miles away, and we felt it was unfair to drag him all that way on a plane at that age, so he had a lovely holiday with DH's parents. He was fine, enjoyed himself and enjoyed spending time with his family. He wasn't upset when we left, and wasn't upset when we returned, just happy and smiley.

Gave us a lot of confidence to know that he was settled and happy as long as he was with people he knew and loved who looked after him.

duckypoo · 19/04/2011 21:37

Dd was about 2 months, we left her with my sister and went to a gig/stayed overnight, Ds1 about 4 months, I had to go home as my Mother was dying, ds2 about 2 weeks, he was in hospital for 2 nights, one of the nights Dp stayed with him.

Since then nothing, although if I could get someone to watch all 3 overnight I would be off like a shot.

I don't really get the whole clingy parent thing, like people sobbing as the child skips off happily to nursery, I skipped off happily the other way .

Original poster

bt1978 · 19/04/2011 22:14

Wow - thanks for the many, many replies and points of view. I can see it depends on the parents as well as the child.
I think DH wants me to have some time off - I am a SAHM and so spend loads of time with her. He doesn't want me to get clingy with her or her to get clingy with me. I see his point, but she is very independent and really happy in other people's company, and I am comfortable leaving her with grandma for a few hours...and I'm sure she'll go to nursery or something in the future.
I think we'll leave the sleepovers for a while. I just don't think there's any need. As I said - she sleeps well and we get our evenings togther...and I'm totally not ready.

DH wouldn't push me to do this if I didn't want to - I was just interested to see what other parents do.

seeker - 15yo!

OP posts:

bruffin · 20/04/2011 02:55

DS was 2yrs 5 months and DD was 5 months when we went away for weekend. My mum and sister and her girls moved in for the weekend while we were away.

Actually just realised that DS probably stayed at his childminders the night DD was born and he was just 2.

matana · 20/04/2011 09:17

We've had evenings out but not a night away, but our DS is 5 months and not yet sleeping through every night. I wouldn't be prepared to put grandparents or aunties through the night wakings. But i'd be happy to leave him as soon as other people's surroundings are familar to him and he's sleeping through a bit more consistently.

BertieBotts · 20/04/2011 10:58

I was really 'clingy' to DS when he was a baby, but since he turned 2-ish I've been fine - don't get upset when he goes anywhere, it means I get a break

I think it's just because I know he'll be fine now and he can cope with people doing things differently to me, whereas when they are babies it's different - whether you do AP or have a routine etc, you don't want someone (respectively) leaving them to cry, or messing the routine up.

I hate the word 'clingy' anyway. It's normal for babies and mothers to be attached when they are tiny, you both grow out of it in time :)

noodle69 · 20/04/2011 17:32

My mum and dad looked after her when I came out of hospital after birth for the night as I had been up for loads of hours. They babysit overnight every week from about a month old after that.

I am very lucky as our daughter is really close to her GPS and also we didnt experience any of the stress of lack of sex drive, arguing between us etc because we werent trying to do it all on our own. I am very grateful to my parents and I know our aughter appreciates being surrounded by so many people that love her lots. If I were you I would go for it.

TurtlesAreRetroRight · 20/04/2011 17:37

I left dd overnight for the first time at 3.8. My Mum had bought us a night away and a theatre visit for my 30th. I missed dd desperately. It just wasn't right for us. DD was fine.

I've never liked to be away from dd. It doesn't feel right to me. But she does go to preschool and has never, ever had any problems, tears or concerns over it. She's very independent and secure. We just did what felt right and it turned out our instincts were right, it suited her and us.

quickchat · 20/04/2011 19:33

DS was around 9 or 10 months and until DD was born, stayed with my mum about 4/5 times. DD is now 16 months and neither have stayed over since she was born.

Don't think my mum fancies the two of them!

duckypoo · 21/04/2011 03:00

I don't like the word clingy so much either, but some parents really do fit the stereotype. It's a nightmare at ds1's nursery since the morning lot joined. All insist on piling into the tiny vestibule to see off the pfb's therefore causing security issues (so many adults in there children can easily wander out of the door seeing as the nursery teachers are busy fielding comments from the over attentive ones). And relax sorry they do my bonce in, your children are not going to expire once you leave their company, it's all just so pathetic,

duckypoo · 21/04/2011 03:02

Honestly I though my 2mo dd was a bad sleeper, we left her with my sister and she was amazed at her sleeping ability. Unclench people, routine is not king.

duckypoo · 21/04/2011 03:03

thought*

ChristinedePizan · 21/04/2011 06:49

About a year I think. I wouldn't have expected anyone else to put up with such an appalling sleeper before then

exoticfruits · 21/04/2011 07:24

About 14months with parents or ILs. So nice for both to have a relationship without you there.
Starting early made it easy-just a home from home.
ILs also stayed at our house while we went away and that was particularly easy as they knew the routine and how everything worked and so we could just go.

toddlerama · 21/04/2011 07:42

DD1 was bout 8 weeks, and I did regret it. But for some reason felt I 'had' to. I don't know where that came from, I certainly wasn't under any outside pressure. I felt like someone had cut my arm off until I was back early the next morning. Barely slept, DH and I both in sniffles before we even got off the drive. DD1 was fine. DD2, was about 3 months but we loved with my parents by this stage, so popping out overnight once they were sleeping through didn't seem such a big deal. There were 5 adults in the house whom the girls treated as parents.

I was suffering PND with DD1 and I just thought I had to do it. Do what feels comfortable. Don't be in a hurry to separate.

Deliaskis · 24/04/2011 12:09

About 6 weeks, she stayed for a night at GPs, and has done once a week since. Do what's right for you and don't let anyone pressure you either way.

Choufleur · 24/04/2011 12:12

DS was about 7 weeks. He was with my parents. I was grateful for a night's unbroken sleep.

He sleeps there regularly now and asks to go to stay with Gran.

He's not slept anywhere else though. It's whatever you and the DCs feel comfortable with.

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