Only children - what do you think

[Outdoorsmum]

Our DS is 3, and I really want another one, DH doesn't want another one ( reasons: cost, all the hard work, age - he is 43). I feel really guilty about DS being an only child. Feel jealous when my friends are haivng thier 2nd babies. I keep thinking about getting pregnant 'by mistake'. Age is an issue too - I'm 38. Just feel so upset about this. Is there any one else feeling like this?

outdoorsmum i'm exactly the same. im 38 and have a dd of 2. I talked to dh about 6 months ao about having another - he is quite happy as we are but after a month of deliberation he said we would try.. However after a couple of months he's changed his mind and realy doesn't want another. I get on with things most days but I really can't get out of my head having another and like others find it hard that i won't hold another baby of my own again. I would have liked the chance to try = if it didn't happen then that's a different matter. So I know exactly how you feel. Also although I go to a couple of clubs with dd a week she doesn't have any friends or children who she plays with at other times and no cousins of close age = so I have concerns about her mixing and socialising too. Sorry I can't offer any help but hopes it helps to know someone is in exactly the same situation.

willow2, how was your POH diagnosed, from your high FSH? I am starting investigations, have a low 21 day progesterone level but it has to be retested before any conclusions are drawn.

It must be terribely hard if you may be able to have another but your partners/husbands don't. I feel I may turn my dh that way with my over obbssesiveness.

I remember being 31 and going through another relationship breakdown and just feeling SO sad that I may never have ANY children, much less more than one. I considered donating my eggs, but met DH before that came to pass.

Some people are only blessed with one. But it's still a blessing!

Mixing & socialising for a child of 2 is not important - I obsessed over it too but with hindsight at that age there is no need to try to go out of your way to socialise your child with other children.

Pre-school will present an ideal opportunity at age 3! Only children are normally the best behaved and best socialised in reception class as they have extensive experience of socialised adults to copy behaviour from. I wish I could stop you from fretting about this - all I can say is that in 3 years time you will look back and be sorry for all the needless worry!

Being happy with what you have is an art form...and wishing for another child can be wasting the time you have now.

'Being happy with what you have is an art form...and wishing for another child can be wasting the time you have now.'

Wise words, twirl.

Its easier to write than feel though. I thought I would be philosphical like that and laid back about not having another as I was much older than expat when I thought I wouldn't have any. Thats before I started trying and not succeeding.

Obviously this a different situation to outdoors mums.

It is different for everyone, jane. Very true.

Twirl, your post is just what I need - I KNOW that 90% of what I worry about generally is wasted time, so anything that helps me lighten up is music to my ears. Well, eyes, but YKWIM.

Jane, I too had POF but my day 21 progesterone was fine...on the other hand, I know many women who needed a bit of progesterone support during their luteal phase (can you tell I spent years on infertility boards?!) and once they had it, had no problems getting pregnant and staying that way. Wishing you loads of luck.

xx

Its bizarre how you can find out so much about your body that you never knew. I keep astounding friends with fertility facts.

re only children. My mum was one and the most sociable person you could ever hope to meet!

Hello Knat

I am so pleased to read your post. My DS too doesn't have cousins and while he spends 3 days a week at nursery while I work, he doesn't really have any friends and not many people of his age come to play at the house. So I do constantly worry about him being lonely and alone, and not having friends. He doesn't even show any real interest in it, just wants to be with me and DH.

I am really struggling with coming to terms with not having another one.I know I must do as Twirl says 'be happy with what you have'. I think I really need to do that - just get on well with DH, be happy with him again and enjoy our DS without the worry of being an only. It is hard though. Went to a 3rd birthday party today and our DS was the only only child out of 8. Felt really miserable about it and so guilty. I really hate being asked about it too.

jane - can't remember exact levels, but everything was up the creek - including periods -and had all the symptoms of POF.

Willow2 - I do beleive that if you are able to have more children you are lucky, I was nearly one of those not able to have more children so I class myself as very very lucky and totally sympathise with anybody who is unable to have children as I have been there, at times I thought that I would never ever have my own child. Getting away from the original thread, fertility is something that a lot of people take for granted, I did at one stage as I'm sure we all did. But after various operations/IVF treatments/eptopic pregnancies it is something that I will never ever take for granted again.

Think you misunderstood me - the way your earlier post read made it sound as though you meant everyone on this thread was so lucky to be able to have more kids and I was making the point that, sadly, a lot of us on this thread cannot. (Do you get what I'm saying? )

Thanks Willow

hi outdoorsmum. It is very hard I'm struggling to let it go but I do think you have to focus on day to day goals. My dh has said at the moment it's a no but he can't say how he will feel when he feels he is back on track (doing things he wants to do in life and with the family) which I know gives me a glimmer of hope but Ihave to look at it as a no otherwise I will drive myself mad and also i don't have much time left as I don't really want to be over 40 and pregnant (just a personal thing). As far as the socialising thing is concerned I took heart from one of the posts on this thread that it doesn't matter too much at this age. I think as long as we give them the opportunities at nursery or clubs they will socialise more with age. At the end of the day they may be children who are happier with their own company - it may be their personality and you can't change that. Just give them the options. I think also we get bogged down by peer pressure - I know I do when I hear that other children dd's age are going to parties and having their "friends" round. But at the end of the day I've come to the conclusion that it is usually the parents who are friends and not the children - at this age anyway. Hope things improve for you andI think it is important to try and focus on getting happiness back into your life in whatever way you can. At the end of the day when I was pg with dd I never even thought about having another and was over the moon of having one child so maybe we just have to cherish that and I'm a great believer in fate and whatever will be is what ismeant to be.