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Original poster

Five week old needs constant picking up - screams when not picked up

68 replies

Snarfle · 30/03/2011 08:26

I already posted some of this question in another thread but it's getting worse so thought a post with just this question might help me.

My 5 week old ds will only sleep whenj being picked up. If we wait until he's asleep and then put him in his basket he wakes within a few minutes and then screams. The screams stop when he is picked up. The same thing happens in his pram. If we are out and he is asleep in his pram he is fine. As soon as he wakes up he screams. If I pick him up he stops screaming and then once he is asleep I can put him back in his pram. I can't go out with him by myself as if he starts screaming I can't always park the pram, pick him up and rock him back to sleep i.e if I am walking in the town / am not near a chair / have bags etc....

Does anybody have any tips for me please? Is this just a phase? I can't even leave the room at home, am desperate to get him out of our bed (for the last few days he is really restless through the night so me and dh are shattered) and want to be able to go out with him in his pram by myself.

Thanks in advance.

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HecateTheCrone · 30/03/2011 08:27

Have you tried swaddling him?

Original poster

Snarfle · 30/03/2011 08:29

The midwife told me we shouldn't be swaddling. But I could try a half swaddle. Do you think this would do the same thing?

OP posts:

Piccadilly · 30/03/2011 08:29

Sling!

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HecateTheCrone · 30/03/2011 08:35

Why shouldn't you swaddle? women have been swaddling their babies for, well, ever!

Babies feel very unsafe out in the big wide world! They crave the feeling of safety that comes with being all wrapped up. It reminds them of the womb.

So the theory goes

But it works. It has proven to work on thousands of babies over thousands of years.

Why is the midwife against it?

my boys are 11 and 10 so it's been so long since I went through all this.

I will tell you my mother in law's saying - "They cry tears not blood"

basically - it's ok to let them cry sometimes.

I don't mean ignore them, but I used to leave mine crying while I went downstairs and had a cup of tea and allowed the fantasy of dropping them out of my bedroom window to go away. You have to take a deep breath and somehow learn to manage the feelings that overwhelm you when they cry.

Original poster

Snarfle · 30/03/2011 08:37

Does this behaviour sound normal? Will it pass? I know a sling will stop him crying but it would be lovely to be able to have him sleep in his own basket. Is there anything I can do to speed this transition up?

OP posts:

HecateTheCrone · 30/03/2011 08:44

yes. make him feel safe. This will pass. He needs to feel safe and secure and get used to the world. He has been in this world for 5 weeks. Five.

There's yoghurt in the back of my fridge that is older than that! There's a banana in my fruit bowl that is older than that!

Don't worry. Just cuddle him - if you don't want to swaddle then find something similar. Get him used to the world. He is just doing what babies do. You will be amazed how quickly this will pass.

My boys, like I said, are 10 & 11 and they were only born yesterday! I cannot believe how quickly it went.

You must sleep. You must rest. Take turns, get help. But it is knackering having a newborn and to some degree, you just have to ride it out as best you can.

Original poster

Snarfle · 30/03/2011 08:54

Thanks - it's reassuring to think that this is 'normal' behaviour. He had a traumatic entry into the world and then due to problems with my breast milk he was very hungry and dehydrated for his first few days before we realised there was a problem. This meant he screamed a lot (obviously, poor little thing) so slept in our bed and was picked up a lot. I thought this might be the reason he was like this now and my worry was that it was not going to pass.

OP posts:

CountBapula · 30/03/2011 08:55

Swaddling is absolutely fine. No idea why your midwife said otherwise. It saved our sanity with DS.

He used to do the same in the pram. I used to pick him up and rock him to sleep in the street as you describe. When he was three months old I got a Close baby carrier and wished I'd got one when he was a newbie as he really settled in there when out and about. Of course by then he was too bloody heavy to carry for long periods of time!

He also used to scream when he woke in the basket. Are you making sure he's in a really deep sleep before you put him down? Arms limp (though you won't be able to tell if swaddled), face expressionless. We used to hold DS for 20mins or so before gently putting him down.

It is a very difficult time but it will pass. Hope you get some sleep soon.

Tee2072 · 30/03/2011 08:55

Swaddle. Sling. As Hecate said, he's only been in the world 5 weeks. Before that he spent 9ish months inside all warm and snug and safe.

He needs to feel safe.

Newborns are hell. But all too soon they are toddlers and a new kind of hell.

ChristinedePizan · 30/03/2011 08:59

Swaddle and sling, definitely. He needs to feel contained. It will get better but don't believe that you've made a rod for your own back or any of that nonsense by sleeping with him. You are probably going to have to carry on until he stops screaming but that might be in a few days or a week or so. It's not going to last forever, that's for sure :)

JuicyLucy10 · 30/03/2011 09:04

swaddling... babies are not very god at temperature regulation and if you swaddle he will be at risk of over-heating....which is a big risk factor in cot death.

I think you should take your baby to the health visitor or weigh in clinic for some professional advice who can check him over and make sure there is nothing wrong. Yes some babies do scream all the time but you can't be too sure at this age. Your 6-12 week can be performed from this age onwards so it won't be a wasted journey. I hope he gets better soon for your sanity.

Original poster

Snarfle · 30/03/2011 09:06

Thank you for your help. It's good to know that it will pass. I was frightened to take him out in his baby bjorn to often as I was told it wasn't good for his spine at this age?!

Also he is so restless through the night that the day he can sleep in his basket can't come soon enough!

Thank you - you're saving my sanity!!! x

OP posts:

NoWayNoHow · 30/03/2011 09:09

OP, you say he had a traumatic entry into the world - can you elaborate?

DS also had a traumatic entry into the world (ventouse delivery - so violent it cut his head open ), and he did exactly the same thing as your DS. He screamed virtually every second that he was awake, and when he slept it was incredibly restless and he used to wake at the slightest start.

On a friend's recommendation, we took him to a cranial osteopath who said he had recoil compression (basically when the ventouse sucked him out, the plates of his skull bounced back into place too tight, giving him a permanent headache). He went for his first session, and was a completely different child overnight. He fed better, slept better, was more content to be awake and still and, most importantly, he didn't cry that heart-wrenching cry when you KNOW something is wrong, but you just don't know what.

here's some information on what kind of symptoms might be an indicator of stress - do any of the symptoms sound familiar?

ShowOfHands · 30/03/2011 09:10

It is normal for them to want to be close to you and the more you respond to this the quicker they learn to feel safe out in the big wide world.

DD could NOT be put down and a lot of it was a need to be with us but we also found out when she was a couple of months old that a traumatic and long labour had damaged a couple of neck muscles. Soon sorted but she needed to see somebody. We should have known as she couldn't feed from the left side and cried every time she tried. The consultant said she probably had a headache. It helped a lot but she still much preferred being held/carried.

Get some decent slings. You'll be hands free and your baby will be happy. It's really bloody hard.

And hecate is right. My nearly 4 year old was born yesterday too. I remember time stopped when she was a baby but suddenly it's 4yrs later and she's a bright, funny, lovely person.

ShowOfHands · 30/03/2011 09:13

NoWayNoHow, they attempted a ventouse with dd and tore her scalp. They then tried a manual rotation (the consultant put both hands inside me and tried to turn her and push her back up). They think this caused the muscle problems. None of it worked and she was born by cs. She had a very bruised, swollen and sore head for a long time. Her eyes were bruised, her head bleeding. I felt so utterly, utterly guilty. She too was restless, slept fitfully, screamed at the smallest movement etc.

Skifit · 30/03/2011 09:14

If you think he will take more feeds then try. I have had 3 children and the first one cried like yours, and really in hindsight i think i should have just fed him more, whenever he cried. The Health visitor said he was gaining weight too quickly (which i think was wrong to say). I should have fed him to help him settle more quickly.
Ds grew into a very slim child .
With my DD when she cried, i just plugged her into the breast again and I think this helped I think. With 3rd baby......the same.
Do you use a dummy? All mine had one and it was a god send. They loved it... I loved it. ( not advisable after 3 yrs I think)
If the crying is really distressing you and babe perhaps try a dummy?
Wishing you luck and hope your baby passes through this stage asap.
Best wishes. x

Original poster

Snarfle · 30/03/2011 09:17

He also had a ventouse delivery but this was after a 12 hour labour. He should have been born before midday and I was pushing but he was face up and I still had some cervix left which kept pushing him back in when I was trying to push him out. They had to give me an epidural to stop me pushing until my cervix went away and he wasn't born until 8.16pm. The swellingon his head went down within a few days but I guess there could be underlying issues i can't see. Will look into the cranial osteopath - thank you!

OP posts:

thelittlestkiwi · 30/03/2011 09:23

If you have time you might find some of these pages useful:

www.thesleepstore.co.nz/Sleep+Information/Newborn+Sleep+and+Settling+information.html

Have you tried shush-pat? I found it really useful. The theory is that they can't concentrate on more than two things at once. So if you go shush-shush-shush while you pat them gently in a rhythm they can't concentrate on crying too. So if he wakes you can shush-pat him so he knows you are there without actually getting him out of his bed/basket.

Good luck.

Skinit · 30/03/2011 09:27

Ah sorry about the birth experience...it sounds terrible! I do however second swaddling....I worried about overheating but if you use a very thin cotton...one of the fabrics that are kind of see-through....then you should be fine. Go to the habidashery and buy a couple of metres...that's what I did...and there are tonnes of tutorials on youtube.....it reaally helps them stay secure feeling. Maybe you could try it in the daytime when you are awake to feel safer about it?

But really...I cant see why they're telling you nt to....I was shown how to do it by my HV just three years ago!

Fanilla · 30/03/2011 09:27

Swaddle.
Roll two blankets and place either side.
White noise.
Sling.
Warm a blanket for the moses basket before you put him in.
Chiropractor (worked for my DS, he also had a traumatic ventouse delivery)

DS1 would never be put down, we co-slept and he grew out of it himself (started waking more) at 6 months so I moved him to his moses basket and he was fine. I don't think it's possible to 'spoil' a baby with too many cuddles. The 'making a rod for you're own back' thing is bollocks IMO.

Good luck and congrats x

COCKadoodledooo · 30/03/2011 09:28

I tried swaddling mine but he hated it, was worse than just leaving him! I used a stretchy wrap when I needed to get things done, although tbf my wonderful mum was with me most of the time for the first 6 weeks so I didn't have a lot to do!

Fanilla · 30/03/2011 09:29

We had this swaddle blanket.

GoldenGreen · 30/03/2011 09:30

Swaddling is no longer recommended (linked to cot death). This is very recent advice - I swaddled my ds (he's 4 now) and he loved it but I was told not to with dd (10 months).

Anyway, we had good results with a cranial osteopath when dd wouldn't lie on her back to sleep in the first few weeks.

Skinit · 30/03/2011 09:32

Oh ffs! We can't in can we? Swaddling saved my life when DD's were small!

What a shame. In the future we will not be allowed to touch our babies as we're dirty and linked to germs and disease.

We'll invent clean robot Mothers who will do the caring as we look on!

mrsbumbledosem · 30/03/2011 09:37

Swaddle and sleepy baby wrap sling. And swaddle properly. Like if someone gives you a hug you want a firm hold not a wishywashy half hug. Same as all the others have said really. The time you spend now making your baby feel secure and recreating the womb is not making a rod for your own back but creating a feeling of love and secureness for baby which will totally pay off later on.

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