DS (6) is always on his own in the playground...

[jamaisjedors]

...commented his teacher yesterday to DH.

I am a bit worried about him, he doesn't really seem to fit in at all and can be a bit of a loner - the teacher says he's really shy, which is true, at school.

Outside school he is really chatty and sociable and plays non-stop with his younger brother and any visiting children.

I don't know what to do to help him "fit in" more - invite other children back to play?

There are only 7 in his age group, and they are the youngest in the playground, which doesn't help.

Jamais

I have exactly the same problem with my DS aged 5.9 . Will post tomorrow but I posted re this just last week if you search my posts

so is the teacher not doing anything about it :S

Have you talked to him about it? How does he feel, does he mind?

The teacher should be addressing this!!! You can't do much for the time he is at school. We had the same with dd at her first school, teachers did nothing, sat on their bum drinking coffee and saying that a four year old lacked social skills. We moved her to a large new school with pro-active teachers. First play time she felt left out and teachers straight away teamed her up with another girl. Now she has lots of friends and loves school. Don't think that it is just your boy it is much more likely to be teachers who either can't be bothered to help him or haven't got the skills to do so. I would ask teachers to pro-actively help him and team him up with another child and if they don't want to do that move school - maybe radical but this is really important it may otherwise impact on his long-term self confidence. Be assertive!

I'm back.

I overlook the school playground so I can see DS wandering around by himself often. DS' case may be different as he is being assessed for some specific learning difficulties ie dyspraxia/sensory processing/possibly an ASD. He is also an only child. Therefore he is disruptive in class and often plays in a rough way.

The teacher outlined the reasons that he is on his own as 1) children don't want to play with a naughty boy, 2) the rough play 3) existing friendship groups are very strong.

I have left them looking for strategies which they were thinking of team games so that the children are not just running around at morning break. I also suggested the "friendship bus stop" that others on here have mentioned to me so that children who are on their own can go there and others can come and play with them.

I told the teacher that my DH wanted to take him out of school due to the fact that they hadn't addressed it and this seemed to trigger a reaction . I am heart-broken by this atm but hopefully if we can get some strategies in the school then it will improve the experience for more children than DS. At least the teacher accepted that it was very important that he had someone to play with.

jamais, we had this with my oldest when he was in Reception. How old is your son?

We solved this by inviting children home to play after school, or trips to the playground after school.

I asked him if there was any particular boy he liked and thought would be fun to bring home to play with, and he suggested a few.

It really helped.

Thank you all - I went to bed last night after waiting a while for answers - was really pleased to hear from you all this morning.

DS1 is 6 (not my sixth child!). He has been at the school for 3 years, but the first 3 years were in "maternelle" - kind of kindergarten. That class have a separate playground with bikes, a climbing frame and a sandpit, so it doesn't really matter if the children don't play together.

The older ones (the rest of the school - all 30 of them ) are all in together in a playground with NOTHING to do in it.

Other parents commented that their children found the transition to this playground hard - they basically have to make their own entertainment - the bigger boys play football together but DS is a bit too shy and weedy to join in with them.

QUINT - I was thinking we needed to try something like this so he could play with other children one on one - which he is good at.

We have tended to want to spend time as a family at the weekend, and school finishes at 4.30 and by then DS is usually shattered - but with the spring coming maybe we can go to the park.

I will look up your posts BEN10.

His teacher is doing NOTHING - she is the head, and is a couple of years off retirement and is very "old-school" - she doesn't seem to get involved at all in the playground.

I may speak to the other teacher quietly.

DH tried to ask DS what he played in the playground and he just gave a pretty vague answer.

Thanks everyone.

BEN10 - sorry to hear about your DS, that sounds really hard.

4.30 is quite late. However, if the other children go home with each other after school, then maybe give it a try. It is customary (at least in the uk) to give the kids tea when they get home, so your sons friend and him would eat together before playing. It is very popular, because it gives the other parent a bit of a break when their child goes home with somebody else.

Also half term is a good time to invite a child to play.

Yes 4.30 is late, it's true, and in winter we just want to get home.

But they can come round for a snack which French kids have after school (dinner is around 7pm).

I'm not sure if other kids go home together after school, Tuesday might be a good day because there is no school on Wednesday.

I will ask DS again who he would like to invite, but he was non-commital when I asked him yesterday.