Do you have 3, youngest 2 or over, can you help us decide....

[quickchat]

Yet another thread has been started by one of us mums with 2 who are struggling to decide on another. I have done quite a few myself.

One point I brought up within this thread was - I wonder what it's like when they are older?

We know what it's like having little ones with all the cute stuff they bring and make it so hard to let go of.

What we don't know what it's like having 3 older children at school.

I was sitting with DH having our morning coffee watching my nearly 4 yr old DS and 15 month old DD playing. DD toddling about in her babygrow and DS was on form with his funny little stories. It was lovely (it isn't always) and I feel torn about having another.

What was your morning like and what is a typical day with your older brood?

Do you enjoy them as much as you did, if you did, when they were smaller?

I know you'll no doubt not be able to imagine life without your third, but do you recommend 3?

Just would be nice to have a little view into life with a slightly older family as it isn't all babygrows and toothy grins for long!

I wish my DH would consider a third.

i have 3! aged 6, 4 and 2 1/2 and as long i stick to a routine life isnt to hard! my youngest has just started preschool (yay to me getting time off) and its just amazing seeing my 3 kids sat at the table with there uniforms on!

i would just go for it! 3 kids is a lovely size family!

im about to jump from 3 to 5 when i move in with my girlfriend and her 5yrs and 7yrs old boys! and it dosnt scare me cos once you have learnt to juggle two you can cope with any number!

I kind of think that once you get past 1, your kind of rushing around like a headless chicken anyway and there is no time for me now so sod it!

Maybe that is really nieve. Come on, need more mums of 3....

TBH I had no idea 3 would be as hard as it is.

Mine are 10, 7 and 5 and I love them all so much but tbh 2 would have been a lot easier. It could be the children's personalities and the fact that I have done a rubbish job and they are close in age but they fight a lot.

They are all at full time school but when ds2 was born I had one at playschool and 2 at home and then I had one at school, one at playschool and baby at home. I spent my life looking at the clock making sure I was there to pick up the right child at the right time. even now I have My alarm set to go off in time for the school run.

With 3 you are always outnumbered! It doesn't matter which 2 we have (MIL has one for us sometimes, sometimes 2, other times all 3) they get on better than the 3 usually.

I am hoping as they get older they will get on better. Both DH and I wanted a big family but tbh I think it was for different reasons.

If I could have my time again and have 3 sneeze and baby is out births I would have different age gaps - or try for them anyway.

3 is lovely, it's a real brood

Going from 0-1 was fine, 1-2 was a piece of cake, 2-3 very hard. I feel bad saying that as my youngest is my baby and I love him so much but it is hard. TBH I think it is just me though as I am pretty rubbish at this mothering lark.

mine are 5,7 and 10
It's fab, would thoroughly recommend it
insane, but good.

Mine are 3, just 6 and 7. They are the best of friends and play together all the time. Don't get me wrong they have their moments and can fight like cat and dog, but on the whole they are lovely together.

I think routine is your friend. Right from the offset I tried to get them into a good one and even now all 3 are in bed by 6.30 (unless it's Brownies) and can come down after 7 in the morning. I try and do as much as possible in preparation for the school run in an evening and they all sort themselves out with getting dressed etc while I do the brekkie dishes. And now my youngest is in pre-school 3 days a week I have some life back and get more done during the day.

I wouldn't be without them and am glad they are so close both in age and relationship.

Go for it!

I have 3 girls, ages 9.5, 8 and 4. Hard work but lovely. At the moment dd3 is a bit left out as older 2 are so close....but I'm sure that will change.

Someone said somthing to me recently and I wholeheartedly agree: it's not the number of children that makes a lot of work, it's the age of the youngest. For me, that's so true. Dd3 is a real handful - at just 4 obviously not as independent as the other 2 and still having a lot of tantrums. My other 2 are so easy in comparison but I'm sure it's just their ages.

I do a lot of running about because dd3 is still at nursery (not attached to school) so different drop-off/pick up times. But from September it will be much easier as they'll all be at the same school.

However hard I find dd3 (and some days are really hard!), she is a v sweet, loving, affectionate child and the older 2 can be v sweet with her.

3 boys here, 4 yrs, 3yrs and 1year. VERY busy. And as time goes one the older 2 fight a bit but I would say 90% of the time they get on great. It's so rewarding watching them enjoy playing together.

I have my moments where I feel like I'm losing my sanity with them as they are all so young and all need me so much, but every evening they are asleep by 7:30 and all 3 are good sleepers thankfully so we do get our nights rest.

I wouldn't change it for the world. In fact, I would love another, but DH says NO!

3 is a lovely sized family. I don't get the outnumbered thing. Mine rarely all act up at the same time, and if they do, the baby gets seen to first, then the others. That will change as they grow I'm sure, the one who is in most trouble will get seen to first : )

Good luck wtih your decision.

I say: GO FOR IT!

I have 3. Twins second time around, so there was no decision in it for me. Today is not a good day to ask as I am really struggling with them! Twins are 2.4, so it's a rough age.

I think so much depends on you, your energy levels, what 'stage' you like etc. I personally struggle from about 7 years old (judging by friend's kids), but enjoy them a lot before that. I haven't yet hit the stage of enjoying them less, but having more time to myself (the sheer physical hard work of the little ones being over with).

I think having 3 teens is going to be very difficult. If I could go back, I would have 2. I feel like I could be a better mother to fewer children, in terms of the time and emotional energy I could give. But if you feel like you are coping well with 2, then a third would probably be fine for you. I really find it hard to support ds1 enough at home with his school learning (any learning really, tbh). I think if your kids have any issues and need a lot of energy poured into them that the less you have, the more energy you have for each one.

FourFourtyFour--mine are spaced exactly the same as yours (now 9,6 and 4) and my sentiments are the same. Three is HARD, or else I'm just no good at balancing their different needs all at once. I would do different age gaps too if I had a do-over. I love them all to bits and enjoy them immensely when I have one at a time but all together it is CONSTANT bickering and squabbling. Perhaps I'll feel differently when my youngest goes to school all day next year.

I'd say the closer in age the better. Mine are now 14, 8,7 & 5.

Biggest problem is that they developed different after school interests and dh doesn't drive

PopBiscuit - you are me .

The outnumbered is a fact, not an opinion unless you live in a family with 4 parents to 3 children.

I have 3, they are just 10, 8 and 6. It is great and I would have a 4th if we were in different circumstances. Small age gap harder at first but easier when they are older IMO.

You do have to be organised paticularly as we have 2 different schools (due to SN). Our main issue currently is differing school holiday dates, we have one DC or other off for the whole of April and honestly the thing that makes it smoother for us is that DH is SAHD.

I would say go for it but be prepared to consider a 4th too to even it up!

Oh interesting stuff here. Such different answers aren't they.
It obviously comes down to how we are and how we cope.

Im not laid back when it comes to new babies or when they fight or misbehave.
Im easily stressed so that's something definitely worth considering where small gaps are concerned.

I absolutely LOVE my DD's age so much and I feel so sad at how quickly they grow. I think I may be trying to hang on to this baby stage. Maybe that is a silly reason to have 3?

I love the IDEA of a bigger family but weather I would enjoy it is a different matter.

I think if anything it's made me realise that getting pregnant this year would be too much for me.

I may reconsider end of next year.

Id hate for 3 of them to fight all of the time and it be a rubbish number too. There's no chance I could cope with 4 !

Keep them coming though!

Oh and thepoweroflunch, my DH isn't that keen either - so what! If he gives birth and breast feeds the baby then I may give his opinion more thought but until then, he'll just have to roll with it .

Just thought of another question.

Mums of 3, would it still not be much the same - all the organising the night before, getting clothes ready, doing homework? Surely if you have 2, your still doing the same stuff but just a wee bit more of it?

Or is it that the 3 are just the straw that broke the camels back? Making life much harder than it would be?

a wee bit less of it I should say

I have 3 all at school, in primary 3, 4 and 6 (so y2, 3 and 5 in non-scottish terms!) They are 11, 9 and 7.

My morning was fairly slick, I'm getting good at this now! Alarm went off at 7, kids up by 10 past, breakfast/dressed/packed bags/made one packed lunch/freaked out about finding dinner money/dd2 did her violin practice. They left the house at 8am to walk to the bus stop.

I love it now they are bigger, just love it. They are so much fun to be around, we do much more "family" stuff, Three is hard work (and was not intentional for us!) and there can be some times when it is a bit intense. But we don't regret it at all and wouldn't have it any other way.

I suppose the other thing to say is I wasn't much of a baby person - I prefer older children (though of course I loved them as babies they weren't very interesting to me!!). I might not be saying all this when I've got a 13, 15 and 17 yo thogh

i have dd 10,ds 9,ds2 5.
mornings is ok,its after school clubs and homework that make me scream.i find myself listening to youngest read while making sure ds1 stays looking at his maths instead of out the window,encouraging dd with english whilst making dinner.
they all have different interests and abilities.

Also mine go to bed early so trying to get them home, fed, piano practice (just one child) and homework done as well as them having time to play is tricky.

Mums of 3, would it still not be much the same - all the organising the night before, getting clothes ready, doing homework? Surely if you have 2, your still doing the same stuff but just a wee bit more of it?

Yes it is really. You also have to remember that as the older one(s) get older they do more and more for themselves. My older 2 are capable of getting their clothes out, doing their homework, getting themselves drinks/snacks, bathing/showering themselves etc. As I said, I find my youngest the hardest at the moment just because of her age.

Mine are 12, 9 and 9 months and life is so much better with 3. In fact I'm wondering about a 4th. The age gap helps though as the older ones help with dd2 and they are pretty independent anyway. I always wanted 4 though so I suppose it really depends on what matters to you. My life is chaotic but it's happy chaos.