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Parenting

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Original poster

cleanliness of the home and children

57 replies

BITCAT · 06/02/2011 21:59

do u think there is such a thing as over cleaning and is it damaging to a child that has a mother that cleans too much and keeps the children clean and pristine all the time. Thus stopping the children going out incase they get dirty and the childrens imune system not being able to cope with bugs, that other childrens bodies could handle.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

McDreamy · 06/02/2011 22:00

Yes

RamonaFlowers · 06/02/2011 22:00

Yes

Mutt · 06/02/2011 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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BaroqueAroundTheClock · 06/02/2011 22:02

yes

RamonaFlowers · 06/02/2011 22:03

Oooh, good call Mutt. Nice early spot.

And also.

Yes again.

warzone · 06/02/2011 22:03

The bit that is wrong is 'stopping the children going out'.

Keeping your house clean won't do them any harm. Keeping your children cooped up indoors permanently will.

Ragwort · 06/02/2011 22:04

Yes, definately - children need to build up a good immune system. My DS is very rarely ill, never gets 'bugs' or 'colds' etc. enjoys playing outside, in the mud, doesn't bother with coat/hat/gloves, doesn't have clean clothes or a bath every day and I am a bit of a slattern when it comes to housework - is that enough scientific proof ?

Hulababy · 06/02/2011 22:04

I keep my house clean and tidy and DD wears clean andtidy clothes. However, she also goes out to play lots and does rough and tumble play, gets dirty, etc. She is happy to do that. Let's face it children and clothes all come clean in the wash later anyway!

sharon2609 · 06/02/2011 22:04

Def yes. Is this you or someone else?

Hulababy · 06/02/2011 22:06

I agree that daily baths are not needed and DD def doesn't. More like every couple of days or so here. And clothes are mot clean every day, just that at 8y most clothes do more than a day these days, bar underwear.

Original poster

BITCAT · 06/02/2011 22:09

nope its my sister..and she has no life she believes that being a mother means having no life of your own and spending 24/7 with the children and has had a dig at me and my other sister cause we choose to have a life beyond being a mother. Her children are always ill or in hospital, she recons my house a dump..because i dont clean 24/7 and i allow my kids to go out and get a bit mucky. Mine are rarely ill, and happy. The 4 year old bites the 2 year old and she is covered in bruises.. my sister seems powerless to stop this and to top it off she now has a new baby. The children are not allowed in the garden and my sister wont take them out and has become a hermit. Im worried for the children to be honest. Kids need to be kids and i feel that this is contributing to there behaviour.

OP posts:

RamonaFlowers · 06/02/2011 22:10

makemeskinny · 06/02/2011 22:14

sounds like she's ocd...can you send her round mine please?!

Original poster

BITCAT · 06/02/2011 22:15

to be honest i used to be like her..but it sent me crazy in the end..i had no friends no life. and neither did my kids. But i realised thankfully before it was too late and have changed a lot. I now work and my house is clean but on occassions untidy downstairs because we have my 4, a stepson who comes round and sometimes his 2 sisters and my partners brother visits with his 2 little ones. So we could have 10+ children playing with toys, and i dont see the point in constantly tidying up until they in bed or gone home.

OP posts:

FunnysInTheGarden · 06/02/2011 22:16

Oh, hows about you get on with your life, and leave her to her OCD?

Janni · 06/02/2011 22:16

You might be able to help if you can speak to her without her feeling that you are criticising her. I think she is actually very very insecure, hence her rigid routines, her fears about her children's health and her need to criticise your ways of doing things. She really has her hands full now, with three young children. Offer to look after one or more of the children for her to let her rest and promise her you'll look after them as she would wish. Once she trusts that you're not going to pull rank on her she might relax and see that the children are happier when they get out and about and see other children. You'll have to swallow your pride to make this work, but I really think it's worth doing.

TheFallenMadonna · 06/02/2011 22:18

I doubt very much her children are always in hospital because they and their environment are really clean. What are they in hospital for? It sounds very stressful for your sister.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 06/02/2011 22:24

You say her kids are always ill and in the hospital. This isnt caused by her cleaning. She cannot possibly be keeping her house sterile (I know, I tried for two years) so she isnt stopping her children from picking up normal germs.

Her over cleaning may well be caused by anxiety leading from having sick children.

Your children are healthy because you let them get mucky. You are lucky.

She does sound OTT (and OCD) but stress makes that worse so getting into a dispute about it wont help her.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 06/02/2011 22:25

I mean your children 'are NOT' healthy because you let them get mucky.

mamatomany · 06/02/2011 22:32

Sounds like PND if you say she has a new baby, it's about controlling what you can, cleanliness and that helps you to feel better about what you can't control I believe.
I threw myself into a wedding which was on par with Steven Gerrard's without DH earning the £100k a week. It can manifest in many ways.

beachyhead · 06/02/2011 22:33

I would like an OCD cleaner

mamatomany · 06/02/2011 22:40

I had one and too be honest she wasn't as good as me but I didn't like to say you not only have a disorder but you're not very good at it :(

mackereltaitai · 06/02/2011 22:52

If her children are in hospital a lot that is absolutely traumatic. I agree with MrsDeVere.

How much family help does she get? Is her partner around?

magichen · 06/02/2011 23:51

I used to be like this (though not as bad thankfully) but I read something on an ornament at christmas time that said "cleaning your house while your children are growing is like shovelling snow while its still snowing"..it made me think again!

mamsnet · 07/02/2011 11:15

Your sister obviously has huge control issues, and probably even some form of social phobia.

She needs help.

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