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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

cleanliness of the home and children

57 replies

BITCAT · 06/02/2011 21:59

do u think there is such a thing as over cleaning and is it damaging to a child that has a mother that cleans too much and keeps the children clean and pristine all the time. Thus stopping the children going out incase they get dirty and the childrens imune system not being able to cope with bugs, that other childrens bodies could handle.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

shivster1980 · 07/02/2011 21:54

Yes.

My DM went all PFB with me and I caught every bug going.

When DB was born she didn't bother - strong as an ox

littlebylittle · 08/02/2011 07:48

As a side issue, please don't be too judgemental of the four year old biting. Some do and it seems to get linked to all the world's ills.

Original poster

BITCAT · 08/02/2011 18:25

Im not kidding you her children are ill every week and in and out of hospital. Believe me ive tried to help, tried not judging or critizing..as i said i was like it but changed for the good of my kids and myself. Her partner is useless wont look after his own kids while she has a break. Shes always complaining about him. We live quite far away from each other, ive offered board n lodgings for her and kids to give her a hand. And i dont drive so difficult, and ive also got a job and 4 kids of my own, that need me. My other sister has been up and helped out as she drives and lives nearer, but she has had it thrown back in her face. I know my kids are not sick because i let them get mucky..prob more to do with bf. and genes. I dont think its post natal.. as she always been like this and has always been insecure..thats down to me mother. But thats another story so i wont bore you. I think she needs proffessional help but how do i get her to realise she needs help??

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SixtyFootDoll · 08/02/2011 18:34

Do you know the name of her GP surgery? You could mention your concerns to her HV?

Original poster

BITCAT · 08/02/2011 18:35

no but my other sister might know..ill have a word. thank you

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DurhamDurham · 08/02/2011 18:37

There's a huge leap from your original statement to what you have lead on to.

Having a clean house does not mean she is a bad mother. Keeping them in the house all the time clearly isn't good for them.Maybe the logistics of getting out of the house (with a 4yr old, 2 yr old and baby) are putting her off.
I'd be v upset if my sister's children were in and out of hospital, I'd see if I could help in some way. You seem quite cold and distant about this. I think it's highly unlikely the clean house is to blame for their poor health. Maybe it's because they are in and out of hospital so much that she keeps such a clean house. She might be over compensating as she feels guilty.

mamatomany · 08/02/2011 18:40

If her children really are in and out of hospital then she'll be in regularly touch with professionals who will know what if any help she requires, I would keep your nose out tbh the messenger always gets shot so let that be somebody other than you.

coldtits · 08/02/2011 18:40

For God's sake don't mention your concerns to the HV. You don't know if her HV is an over reactive lunatic, which seems to be the case with about 1/5 of them.

coldtits · 08/02/2011 18:41

Are her children asthmatic?

A clean house actually really helps asthma.

mamatomany · 08/02/2011 18:43

Absolutely, can you imagine how you'd feel if your own sister was snitching on you ? Fair enough if she's locking them in a cupboard or beating them but cleaning, really ?

Original poster

BITCAT · 08/02/2011 18:51

tbh..im not a cold person at all i love my kids and my family. And ive tried really hard and so has my other sister to help her. She seems to have ago at us when we cant drop everything and come running..we have children and families too..i have 4 and a stepson. My other sister has 3 young children also, one who has had major heart surgery for a whole in his heart and corrective surgery to his penis. Tbh..i cant see anything wrong with the kids when we go round and she says there ill. And if i seem distant its because shes basically said some nasty things to me and my sister, and had ago because we go out and have supportive partners..its not our fault shes unhappy..we have been trying so hard to help and we are sick of having it thrown back in our faces..as much as i love my nieces and my sister..im very corncerned about the kids more than anything.

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Original poster

BITCAT · 08/02/2011 18:56

its not the cleaning as such its everything that leads from it, the not wanting to let them in the garden, there not burning any energy. they spend 24/7 couped up in a house. The 4 year old scratched her mothers face.

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Original poster

BITCAT · 08/02/2011 18:57

if it were just over cleaning...i could just forget about it!!

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mamatomany · 08/02/2011 19:01

None of those things are a crime though, the children go to school I assume so they aren't in the house 24/7.
Plenty of children don't even have a garden, it doesn't kill them.
If you want to help, help by all means but sneaking behind her back to the GP or HV is not going to make you very popular, especially if they go in all guns blazing which many of them do and tell her who set the wheels in motion.

Original poster

BITCAT · 08/02/2011 19:05

nope they not of school age yet hun!! apart from appointments and the odd shopping trip they are in the house.

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mamatomany · 08/02/2011 19:07

The 4 year old will be going shortly though, so at best it's 8 months away ? And the weather will be nicer too, I just don't think it's a serious enough situation for you to damage your relationship over.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 08/02/2011 20:01

Are you able to tell us why they are in hospital so much?

I ask because it could be relevant, not just being nosey

It is hard to help someone who isnt being very likable. Trouble is, thats when people tend to need the help the most.

She does sound very stressed and trying to gain some sort of control over her life. She is going about it the wrong way but its very common to over clean, keep kids in one place etc when your life feels like its falling apart.

Original poster

BITCAT · 08/02/2011 20:22

sickness, stomach bugs, apparently e coli, rashes, stomach pains, u name it..they have it. i wish in some ways i lived nearer as mine at school all day i could take them out on days i aint working and give her some time to herself.

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Original poster

BITCAT · 08/02/2011 20:23

yea september i believe she starts school.

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homeboys · 09/02/2011 10:13

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Davsmum · 09/02/2011 11:38

My daughter in law is obsessive about cleaning the house and keeping the children clean. Its really restrictive for them plus she spends time vacuuming when she could be having fun with her children !

I think its an illness.

On the other hand - my daughter couldn't care less about the state of her house - she would rather teach the children to bake than be cleaning and she lets them make a mess.

Somewhere in the middle would be nice,.. cos they are both at opposite ends of the spectrum !

Original poster

BITCAT · 10/02/2011 09:25

actually after speaking to a social worker friend of a friend, she seems to think intervention would be an idea. As the children are clearly not ok, ie there behaviour towards there siblings and there mother and the fact that they are ill so much would signal that there is a problem. This is exactly why so many kids slip under the system and end up dead or danmaged for life, im not willing to stand by and let that happen to any child. They are infact clamping down on violence between siblings, especially when the one is covered in bruises. i dont know many families in my area that live like that..my partners brother lives in a 3 bedroom flat with his wife and 2 children but they get out, she has 2 very young children..kids go to park or come round ours and play in our garden. If u have a garden the children should be able to use it. There development is suffering and its not fair on the kids. She needs a kick up the backside. Ive had 3 under 5 and i managed to go out, she wont go on a bus because of there behaviour..so she expects my other sister to drop her kids everytime she needs go hospital.

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Original poster

BITCAT · 10/02/2011 09:26

out of my hands anyway..as my other sister has already spoken to the authorities.

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comewhinewithme · 10/02/2011 09:48

I don't go out much are you going to report me?

I also took my dd to A&E everytime she coughed for around a year due to seere health anxietys after the death of my eldest dd.

Just because your life is different, dosen't make it superior to hers.

She cleans her house a lot.

She dosen't go out much.

Her kids pick up a few bugs and she takes them to hospital (so she is probably known to medical staff and they haven't lodged any concerns?).

And you think all of the above are a cause for picking her life to bits.

I'd love her to post on here telling us all about what an interfering cow her sister who should clean her house rather than bitcing about her.

Wow you sound supportive if you were my sister I would probably have give you a slap by now or at least told you to fuck the fuck.

homeboys · 10/02/2011 13:28

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