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Original poster

Did you keep dc1 in childcare when you had dc2?

25 replies

papillonrouge · 04/02/2011 21:42

Sorry if this has been done before but tried a few search terms and can't find anything...

I am currently looking into childcare options for dc1 but already thinking about creating dc2 so will have two under school age. I had always assumed that when I had number two I would look after both of them at home but have been really surprised that many childcare providers (looking at nurseries and childminders) suggest keeping dc1 in for a couple of days a week once the second arrives. I thought this was the childcare people trying to keep the money rolling in, but having spoken to a few local mums, it seems to be fairly common practice.

My initial thought was that it is a huge expense that I would struggle to justify even if we can afford it and that it is my job to look after both my children (afterall, my mother managed it and countless others do!). However, I can see that it would be nice to have a couple of days alone with the newborn and as we have no family locally would be really useful to lighten the load. Maybe if we can afford it I should go for it rather than making life harder than it needs to be?

As dc2 is still not concieved, I am getting ahead of myself a bit but it will affect the choices I make regarding dc1's care.

Interested to hear other's views and experiences...

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Meglet · 04/02/2011 21:46

Yes. But DS was only in for a couple of mornings a week anyway so it wasn't too expensive to keep him there while I was on mat leave.

I loved having a couple of mornings peace and quiet with his DD knowing DS was tearing around and having fun at nursery .

bb99 · 04/02/2011 21:51

DC1 - at secondary school, so no childcare ishoos as school is walking distance.

DC2 - nursery vouchers plus a top up so dc2 goes to nursery 3 days a week (we've just upped from 2 days per week last term)

DC3 - arrival overdue (please tonight, please)

We will keep DC2 in Nursery 3 days a week, until he goes to FT school next Sept. He enjoys it, gets a lot out of it and it gives me a bit of a break - a very welcome one these last few weeks...and will probably be even more welcome if DC3 ever decides to show their face!

How old is DC1? Would you get any vouchers?

We've found a whole day works better for us than 1/2 day as it's less running up and down IYSWIM, else by the time you get home and get the new baby sorted, you're turning around again to collect before lunchtime.

skiphopskidaddle · 04/02/2011 21:53

yes, I did with DC1/DC2, just to keep the nursery place. But with DC2/DC3, I'm taking him out of nursery and enjoying the time with him before he starts school in Sept.

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Schroedinger · 04/02/2011 21:54

My DS stayed in childcare when I had my second. I thought it would be nice for him to have some continuity in his life, also at pre-school age I didn't want him to be bored at home all the time. A new baby is hard work and I don't think I could have breastfed my second without childcare. Many people I know thought they would only keep their first in childcare for the first couple of weeks but found they really needed it to cope, and so did I. I know it can seem a bit extravagant compared to how our parents coped but then parenting expectations seem to have changed quite a bit (EBF, co-sleeping, not leaving a baby to cry etc.)

WincyEtNightie · 04/02/2011 21:56

Yes. Dropped a day (3 days down to 2) after the first few weeks to save some cash. MIL also continued to take DC1 for one day a week.

Our nursery is quite a drive away but even so, nursery days have been a welcome "rest" () and I genuinely think that DC1 has been glad of the continuity and (in the case of MIL day) some 1-2-1 attention.

3 1/2 year age gap BTW.

sheeplikessleep · 04/02/2011 22:00

DS1 was 2.5 when DS2 was born.
He was at CMs two days a week, but he went to 1 day a week when his younger brother was born.
Fantastic all round - at the beginning, was nice I got some time to sleep, but as time went on, meant I could get the house in order. DS1 enjoyed having a day to run around and get messy.

OADCB · 04/02/2011 22:01

We are TTC and if all goes to plan I will be keeping DS in nursery for few sessions of free funding.

IMO the decision to remove/keep in can depend on a number of factors- cost, how difficult it would be to regain pattern on return to work, development, and whether I wanted time alone with baby

rubyhorse · 04/02/2011 22:08

I did it because I didn't want DD to lose her place. It worked OK - but just one warning. Don't let it undermine your confidence as a parent, ie., "Older child is better there than they ever could be at home", iyswim. I personally think I bought into that too much.

Firawla · 04/02/2011 23:35

no i've got both at home, will get ds1 in nursery part time just after dc3 is born as he will become elligible for his free hours. personally i wouldn't pay for it for a younger child just because of having a 2nd dc, it costs a huge amount for one! and also its not really too hard to keep both with you if they are similar ages, baby and toddler etc. can just bring them both out to same groups

Original poster

papillonrouge · 05/02/2011 11:25

Thanks for all the responses so far...it seems a lot of you do keep them in. Annoys me to have to do it to keep the place, but that has crossed my mind too - if you find somewhere really good then you're reluctant to loose it.

rubyhorse - very good point re buying into idea that child will be better off there, so many people have said things to that effect to me already like "he'll be bored at home" as though nursery is better for them than home.

bb99 he is only 7mo and will be 13mo when he starts with childminder or nursery. What do you mean by vouchers? I am buying vouchers through work, but you still have to pay for those. Is there something else I don't know about? And good luck for DC3 ...hope you're not reading this which will mean you have gone into labour!!

OP posts:

bb99 · 05/02/2011 11:42

Vouchers - the free nursery for 15 hours per week things for the school term after they turn 3. Sorry, irrelevant for you atm. The salary sacrifice thing is a good idea, we (well DH) do that to top off the Nursery School fees.

Apparently the free places scheme is going to be extended to 2 year olds, so look out for information on that over the next couple of years, although the childcare provider has to be registered with the scheme and not many childminders bother as it's a LOT of paperwork etc - even more than ofsted

Your dc is quite young and it is a valid point that home can be just as good as childcare etc, if not better. I think having DC2 at nursery is as much for MY benefit as his

The one thing I would advise IME is to get DC1 into the childcare routine you want (if any) a bit BEFORE DC2 comes along, otherwise they can feel a bit shoved out of the nest IYSWIM. Hence us starting on 3 days after Xmas...

No labour yet, my tummy just keeps messing with me - braxton hicks!

pozzled · 05/02/2011 11:50

DD1 is 2.6, and DD2 is due in June. I'll keep DD1 at her nursery for the three days that she attends now. We're lucky enough that we can afford to do it (although it will be a little tight).

Several reasons:

She'll need the nursery place for a few months when I return to work and I don't think it would be easy to give up the place for a year and then take it up again.
I think it will be a lot easier for me to cope- catching up on sleep etc- and I would like DD2 to get some of the quality time with me that DD1 had.
I think that in the early weeks when I'm sleep-deprived DD1 will have more fun with her friends at nursery than at home with me feeding constantly!
DD1 will be starting school not all that long after I return to work, so I don't want her to get too used to being at home with me.

I will probably make her days quite a bit shorter than they are at the moment though.

jumpyjan · 05/02/2011 12:10

DD carried on going to nursery as normal (3 days a week) for the few weeks before DS arrived and maybe for the first week of him being around. Then she went 1 day a week just so she carried on being familiar with the place and it gave me an opportunity to do the housework etc.

It did seem like a bit of a waste of money but I think it was a good idea as it gave her a bit of time with her own independence and me a bit of time alone with DS.

I did feel a bit strange sending her off to nursery when I was home and would not have wanted to do it for more than 1 day.

trefusis · 05/02/2011 12:22

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OADCB · 05/02/2011 13:17

When you go into smp they can't deduct the vouchers from salary yet still have to provide them. Do a search on employment issues threads

Wholelottalove · 05/02/2011 13:27

DD goes 2 days (cut down from 3) and I really value the time with just me and DS who is 7 weeks. He arrived near Christmas and where DH was home on pat leave and DD was not at nursery, it was even more unsettling for her and she seemed to settle down a lot when she was back in her routine.

Once my occupational mat pay finishes we will drop her down to one day but keep her in nursery to keep the place for when I go back to work.

ApuskiDusky · 05/02/2011 13:33

Yes, ds1 has continued at the childminders whilst I've been on mat leave with ds1. We've had a lot of problems with ds2's weight, which has required a lot of effort and attention, and I've been very glad to not have ds1 around all the time, weight gain became a problem again when I had to look after ds1 ft for a few weeks.

But I am giving notice to reduce hours atm - ds1 has started to say he would rather be at home, and I don't want to create any jealousy with ds2 being at home all day.

ApuskiDusky · 05/02/2011 13:34

Mat leave with ds2, that should say!

bessie26 · 05/02/2011 19:17

DD 2.5 has spent one day a week at GP & 2 days at nursery since I went back to work when she was a year old. She'll continue to do this when i'm off on ML as we want to keep her routine the same as much as possible (and she loves it there ). I figure this will give me 3 days a week to spend some quality 1:1 time with #2 & sleep meaning I'll be more fun for DD on the days I have them both!

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 05/02/2011 19:29

yes, although luckily dc2's arrival coincided with dc1's eligibility for 15 hours free.

I gave dd1 the choice before dd2 was born, and she chose to keep attending nursery. dd2 has been a really tricky baby and i now shudder to think how things might have been if dd1 hadn't wanted to keep going.

dd1 loves seeing her friends and carers, and generally receiving attention and experiences that dd2 doesn't get.

TheSecondComing · 05/02/2011 19:33

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cat64 · 05/02/2011 19:47

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princessx2 · 05/02/2011 22:44

My dd1 was in nursery for 4 days a week when I had dd2 and we kept her in so that she wasn't upset by the complete change in routine at a time when there was already the upheaval of having another baby. However,I was paid full wages for 6 months maternity leave so there was no change to the cost for us and things would have been different if my wages had been reduced. Also the birth of DD2 coincided with DD1's first term of funding.

DD1 was fine going to nursery - I explained that I was going to be breastfeeding baby most of the time and so wouldn't be doing anything exciting. She in turn would have been fed up as she was well used to being with her friends all day. The one day off that she had was spent with me and DD2 and I always made sure that we did something together - baked, painted etc.

Its whatever works for you. DD1 had me exclusively for 7 months after I had her and wanted to try and do the same for DD2 to some degree whilst making sure that DD1 was as involved as possible. However, I was lucky enough that she was at an age where she 'understood' what I was doing and why I was doing it.

usernamechanged345 · 05/02/2011 22:49

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blueshoes · 05/02/2011 23:47

Yes, I kept dd 3 in fulltime nursery whilst I was on maternity leave with ds.

If ds was an easier baby, I would have kept dd home more, but he was not and dd was settled in nursery and I needed to keep the place as well for when I went back to work.

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