Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

daughter has accused her step father

78 replies

tanw · 28/01/2011 19:43

a year and a half ago i came home to find my 16 year old had left home. this came as a huge shock as she is(was) a lovely child. we had been a family for 7 years with no problems. to cut a long story short she accused her step father of touching her breast. he was interviewed by the police and asked about sexual grooming. after 3 months the police rang to say that they wernt persuing the case. much to our relief. all of that was a year and half ago, we still have not heard from her, although she has kept in touch with her brother.

Has anyone been through some thing similar?

My relationship with my husband has just about survived but there is not a day when we dont talk about her. She has just had her 18th birthday and it was so hard.
Is there any support groups that people can suggest. i am trying to cope but finding it increasingly difficult.

OP posts:
Curlybrunette · 28/01/2011 20:52

Hi tan,
this sounds like an absolutely terrible situation for your family. I have no experience or advice for you but wanted you to know someone had read your post and was thinking of you.

Have you any idea why dd accused her step father of this? It seems a strange thing to lie about if you previously had all been living together happily.

Have you tried to meet with her, in a neutral place, without your husband, so discuss things with her.

I hope you get some more advice
x

darleneconnor · 28/01/2011 21:02

You chose your husband over your child.

You made your bed, now lie in it.

winnybella · 28/01/2011 21:11

So your daughter was 'a lovely child' but when she accused your h, you didn't believe her? Did you have any reason to think she was lying?

Lindax · 28/01/2011 21:15

your lovely daughter was driven out of a previously happy home by something? do you not have any idea what it was?

suwoo · 28/01/2011 21:19

What Darleneconnor said.

tralalala · 28/01/2011 21:20

did you, her mother, not believe her, your daughter, over a man?

slartybartfast · 28/01/2011 21:20

surely she left home and then accused the step father?

tralalala · 28/01/2011 21:21

what else did she say to you about it?

Mrsfluff · 28/01/2011 21:22

I'm just [shocked]

suwoo · 28/01/2011 21:24

tralala, I see you are a fan of comma's, like myself.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 28/01/2011 21:29

Just because the police didn't pursue it doesnt mean he didn't abuse her trust.

You are being too black and white about this.

Have you not visited her???

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 28/01/2011 21:31

Even if she believed it to be true or she deliberately lied you should have been visiting her.

There is no 'we' here, you're her mother.

goodasgold · 28/01/2011 21:34

Will she see you or speak to you?
Did she try to talk to you about this?

tralalala · 28/01/2011 21:36

suwoo, they serve, a purpose, true?

slartybartfast · 28/01/2011 21:38

have you tried victim support or simply asking the police to point yyou in the right direction?

MoonUnitAlpha · 28/01/2011 21:41

Are you saying she's lying?

StuffingGoldBrass · 28/01/2011 21:45

Something is generally very wrong if a teenager leaves home without warning. You say she keeps in touch with her brother: how old is he and is he still living in the family home? What has he said to you about his sister, or will he not discuss her with you?

suwoo · 28/01/2011 21:55

tralalala, they do indeed, but I wonder if I use them too prolifically? Not been marked down in my english degree essays yet but i reckon they are being lax....for now!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 28/01/2011 22:02

Girls don't generally lie about this.

The media would have you believe that they do
Men would have you believe that they do

But they don't.

Something obviously scared her enough to, at 16, leg it without warning from the family home.

reddaisy · 28/01/2011 22:08

Please, please believe your daughter. My stepfather abused me and my sister and my mum did believe us eventually but she continued to live with him until we made her choose him or us forever. I still struggle and resent her for not leaving him instantly.

Please, please leave him and find your daughter and make right what he did wrong.

Because he did it, I guarantee that he did. There is NO excuse that is acceptable. You know this.

reddaisy · 28/01/2011 22:09

There is no excuse that makes it acceptable.

FakePlasticTrees · 28/01/2011 22:16

Where is your dd living? Are you 100% certain she's lying and if so, why?

StuffingGoldBrass · 28/01/2011 22:24

It's not completely and utterly impossible for a rebellious teen to lie about such a thing, but it is pretty rare. If, for instance, the DD left home to move in with a boyfriend the parents thoroughly disapproved of then it might be possible that she wasn't telling the truth - however, if she left home to live on the streets or put herself into care or something then that would strongly indicate she was telling the truth.
What did you do when you found out she'd left, OP? You say the police were involved, did they come round before or after she left home?

HarrietSchulenberg · 28/01/2011 22:26

From what the OP says her daughter left home, then made the accusation and hasn't been in contact since. It doesn't sound as if the OP has been able to get in touch to talk. Neither does it sound like she's made a choice.

And yes, teenage girls (and grown women) do lie. She might possibly be finding it too difficult to admit that she lied to face coming home. I've not been in that situation so I can't offer more help, sorry.

BTW, what's with the commas conversation? Am I missing something?

pinkstarlight · 29/01/2011 00:36

are you saying your lovely daughter (your words) left home out of the blue and accused your husband of touching her up and you havent seen her since.

sorry but it sounds to me like shes telling the truth what other reason would she have to dissapear from your life.im a mum of 3 kids if one of my kids told me something like that(even though the police dropped the case)my husband would be out of the door.