what is "unconditional parenting"?

[ssd]

seen this on a few threads here and have never heard of it

what does it mean?

let your kids do what they want

give it a lable

pretend its a parenting technique

is it anything to do with EC? and what is that anyway BTW?

jesus, you are joking right?

I'd give it a lable (label )

"bag'o'shite"

looking at the link it sounds just like normal parenting to me.

EC is when you don't use nappies. You work out (god knows how) when they need to go and react accordingly.

ah right, thanks Puzzle Not something I'll be doing soon then.......DS1 is still in pyjama pants at the age of 5!

I want to know wtf it is too.

Is it someone who, based solely on their own experience, writes a bossy book on how we're all doing it wrong, and selling us the frankly ridiculous notion that you can reason with a 2 year old, and in doing so makes themselves a farking fortune?

Because if it is, a word to the author: even your best friend will tone down the worst things they think about your children.

Of course it may not be that at all.

I'm eager to know, though.

Is it someone who, based solely on their own experience, writes a bossy book on how we're all doing it wrong - Bertina, you're so right

why is it when you have kids everyones an expert, especially the childless

It's what middle class mummies do, but only after they've read the book and discussed it at length with friends over lattes and at yogabugs. Their children are usually understood to be gifted and articulate, and therefore simply need to challenge what they perceive to be unjust.

It's what scummy parents do as a matter of course, and without the book. Their kids are usually known as "wee shites"

It is something that I couldn't be arsed to do. Yes, it would be lovely to be able to achieve it but I like to be able to leave the house before 3pm.

lol at wee shites

Funnys me neither. There's quite enough shit on my carpet.

Oh come on Aviatrix, I wasn't being unkind. As you say, each to their own.

It means that mummy knows exactly what she wants DC to do, but she wants DC to think that they thought of it for themselves.

If she asks DD 'if she thinks it is a good idea to cut her hair' DD is supposed to think of reasons why she shouldn't, mummy should come in with ideas why she shouldn't cut her hair and DD should agree. She doesn't intend DD to get the scissors and cut off her hair so she might as well say so in the first place!
DS is supposed to take the consequences, e.g. if he won't put on his shoes and socks he leaves the house without them regardless of weather, he then finds he is cold and asks to put his shoes on. The mother might as well use her superior knowledge in the first place and refuse to leave the house if he isn't dressed for the weather.

If it works well it doesn't need a name, it is just explaining things to your DCs, something people have always done before someone decided to make money out of writing a book.

Forgot to say, no rewards and no punishments, just reasoning to come around to the parent's point of view.

Lamorna iirc a big part of UP is reconsidering wether you really do know exactly what dc wants. Occasionally conceeding or maybe even admiting you were wrong or that something can be done differently...rather than getting them to thnk your idea is their idea.

Also what you describe (the shoe situation) is "natural consequences" and ALfie Kohn (who wrote the book...have you read it?) is not a fan of this.

So what dyou do in the shoe situation MoonFace?

Not a fan of natural consequences = let them get cold feet

Not allowed to insist that they put shoes on against their will

What do you do? Not leave the house?

I am glad that he isn't a fan of the shoes-I thought it was mad! If you are 32yrs and your DC is 2yrs it stands to reason that you have more experience of life and can make sure they get their shoes on.
I am a great believer in listening and communicating, and apologising if necessary. I also think that you should always set the example and not say 'do as I say' but explain your reasoning. But you are the adult and sometimes you just have to do the unpopular and say ' no'.

I think that done well it is fine, but I have my doubts about the number of people who do it well and it is very difficult to make sure that you are not getting your own way by manipulation or that you are causing a sensitive DC distress. Most parents have their own agenda, even if they think they don't.

I haven't even finished reading the book and ds is only 11m and not walking yet trillian, so I can't say what I would do.

I'm not advocating for or against UP*...just quierying someone elses understanding of the concept.

*what I've read of the book makes alot of sense but I haven't trei to live it yet.

Sorry, not causing a sensitive DC distress.

SOrry...didn't even answer the original question...it is the name of a book that advocates trying to bring your children up to understand that they are loved unconditonally (as opposed to when they behave in certain ways).

The author has kids and there are a lot of referances to studies in it. No I don't know how happy his kids are.No I have not checked and compered all the studies. I have read 3/4 of the book.

Moon - I can assure you, you'll insist he puts his shoes on! When you're rushing out to work and nursery, you really don't have time to negotiate their shoe whims - but the theory is lovely.