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Parenting

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Original poster

i am really not coping very well being at home with kids

21 replies

tyaca · 11/01/2011 18:15

i feel like my head is being smashed in with a sledgehammer. the constant screaming and whining and cooking and cleaning is driving me CRAZY. i am in a near permanent foul mood. i wish i spent less time with them so i could appreciate them a bit. as it is i just spend all the day wishing it away and trying to interact with them as little as possible

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scurryfunge · 11/01/2011 18:17

Do you have a partner that could share the workload?

Do you have anyone close by who can give you a break?

freshmint · 11/01/2011 18:19

See if you can get a job. I appreciate my kids much more for being out of the house X hours a week doing something unconnected with any of them.

Original poster

tyaca · 11/01/2011 18:20

dh is around lots. he is ace. we live where he works so even though he does long hours w/ends etc, he can be flexible and pop in and out. i feel like such a failure cause lots of my friends' partners commute and work far away.

ds screaming again. it's like this soundtrack to my life. thought he'd be ok in bath. i am in bathroom too btw

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IckleJess · 11/01/2011 18:20

I honestly could have written your post. How old are yours?

Original poster

tyaca · 11/01/2011 18:20

freshmint i would like to work. i feel so guilty for saying that . keep wanting to be this uber SAHM.

OP posts:

phatcat · 11/01/2011 18:21

yup - sounds familiar. How old are they? Is p/t nursery for them, p/t job for you an option? Made me feel much better about things.
In the short term - do you have a partner? Can you hand them over when he gets home and go out and get some exercise? I found having some me-focussed short-term goals really helped. HTH - if all else fails remember the mumsnet mantra - it will pass!

Original poster

tyaca · 11/01/2011 18:21

18m and 2.10

yours icklejess?

OP posts:

explorerdora · 11/01/2011 18:22

I could have written your post too! Sorry no answers here, but lots of sympathetic hear tearing out....

explorerdora · 11/01/2011 18:23

sorry hair-tearing out...

Original poster

tyaca · 11/01/2011 18:26

dd 2.10 doing three sessions a week at nursery. going to up to four next week. helps a lot, she much better company at home. but hell getting ds in and out of car seat so much and also just the hellish drive him screaming. i swear i will have a car accident.

phatcat, me and dh exercise loads. it keeps us sane . also thursday i am starting a nightclass which i think is going to help. need something more from life other than getting to bedtime.

job, would have to be something i have never done before as can't do old job. starting an MA year september. wondering whether to bring forward a year, but then feel guilty putting ds in nursery earlier that did dd.

OP posts:

specialmagiclady · 11/01/2011 18:26

Ooh tyaca - that's such a shit age. When mine were that sort of age, I quite often had to lock myself in the bathroom while they screamed at the door just to get a bit of personal space. Your big one would really really benefit from some nursery time at his/her age. Can you find a local playgroup or something where you can send him/her so you can at least not be lugging them both around everywhere.

Every uber SAHM who appears to be coping really well has days/weeks/months where she is just dying inside IMHO. I certainly did.

Life SO much better now one in school and one in nursery every day for a couple of hours. It's a really short time that they're both this dependent on you and difficult to control. It Will Pass... It Will Pass. You are not alone!

BertieBotts · 11/01/2011 18:26

Yes I can so identify. I always wanted to be a SAHM, because my mum was, I suppose. I always pictured myself having loads of children and being at home with them at all times. But when at home I find it very stressful - I'm now at uni part time which has made a huge difference, and if I have any more children they will be going to a childminder (still not sure about nurseries) part time from 6 months ish. (I actually think this is better because if you wait until 9 months you hit the separation anxiety phase)

I just need some time and space from DS, I'm a much better parent when I have that :)

Original poster

tyaca · 11/01/2011 18:27

hear tearing is a very good way of describing the combined effect on my ears of a two year old super-whine and a one year old temper tantrum

thanks all. this helping.

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BertieBotts · 11/01/2011 18:27

How about a childminder for DS if you're not sure about nursery yet?

Original poster

tyaca · 11/01/2011 18:33

yup, i have been thinking that bertie. i know a couple of really nice childminders i think would be ace with him. i think he would benefit from it - i find him a real handful tbh. feel like i am just always letting him down. i don't know why i feel so guilty about this stuff - intellectually i think one thing, but then i just feel like such a failure for not enjoying this.

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Original poster

tyaca · 11/01/2011 18:35

they have pulled plug out of bath so i guess that means i have to get them out now.

cheers all. that helped a lot.

OP posts:

freshmint · 11/01/2011 18:37

Tyaca if you want to work, then work! Don't feel guilty! There is nothing that says that being a SAHM is superior. What matters is that you do what makes you happy and fulfilled and which in turn makes you a happy and fulfilled mum. For some people that is being a SAHM, for others (me included) that is working part or full time.

You have to decide what is right for you and your family but it sounds like you have already worked out that full time SAHM isn't for you. Lose the guilt! Enjoy life!

roseability · 11/01/2011 18:40

Oh I am with you! I posted wth humour about my rubbish afternoon but I am having a tough phase as a sahm with a 4yr old and 18month old. Will go as kids in bath and my laptop is getting wet (feels like the only time they haven't been screeching today and dh will come into relative calm and cheers of daddy with no understanding of the hell I have been through!)

It is bloody tough being a sahm and I don't believe anyone who tells me otherwise

OddBodd · 11/01/2011 18:53

I could have written this seriously. My ds is 3 and even now I have days where I am so bored of beig at home with him I could scream.

In september I started work 16 hours a week and it has been a lifeline. Now I can appreciate the time I have with him but still feel I have a bit of space and independance to be ME! Me and dh would like another child but I would definitely go back to work for 16 hours a week after 6 months. I stayed at home til he had just turned 3 and I just could not do it all over again. I found it mind numbing at times and just was miserable.

Not sure I've been any help but just wanted you to know that I bet most SAHM feel this way. It's such a hard job and noone appreciates it!

cookieraymond · 11/01/2011 19:45

I too echo your inner most darkest thoughts tyaca! Your age gap is very close, my two are 2.10yrs and 13ms and that is hard enough.
I have my eldest in playschool 4 mornings a week and both children go to a grandparent one day a week and its STILL not enough! I still feel like I never have a moment to myself!!

Dont forget, free pre school hours kick in when they turn 3yrs so you will get more of a break then. I too am considering sending my 13m old to a childminder when DS1 starts his free hours to help me recover from the last 3yrs!!!

pinkstarlight · 12/01/2011 12:47

my lifeline when my children was small was my part time job,going to work was like having a break and saved my sanity lol

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