Am so desparate for some kind of bedtime routine.

[garrowismylaw]

My 3 dc's will absolutely just not go to bed. They will scream and fight tooth and nail before they fall asleep on settee.
Am desparate now. Have even considered safety gates for all their rooms.
Help.

How old are they? Do they share a room? Do you have any structure to your evenings at the moment like tea, bath, milk at certain times?

Yes, find a start point - something that happens every night just now, even if that's just dinner. Then tack something else onto the end, such as bath, hot water bottles or choosing stories. Then build on it. Regardless of their age I'd probably take them all to the library to choose some books. A story between washing and lights out is a great incentive.

They all have tea, bath then drink of warm milk. But as soon as it hits 7pm they all seem to get second wind and start racing round the house like maniacs.
They all have their own library cards, even 2 year old, and are taken regularly. Oldest (8) hates reading ,but other 2 aged 4 and 2 love books, but will NOT read or have them read to them IN bed.
They will eventually fall asleep on sofa then we carry them up, but they usually wake up in process and scream house down.
Have tried putting them in bed...they come back down...take them back etc, but the crying is heartbreaking and just goes on and on.
Am at a loss as to what to try next.

Are they overtired? Is oldest one also running round? What about bedtime for littlies at half 6 and the older one gets to stay up later on condition behaviour is good. Then littlies get choice of stories in bed or lights straight out if they piss about. Is bath upstairs? My rule is no downstairs after bath, straight into jammies and then brush teeth and bed.

I think the younger two will be picking up on DC1's behaviour so I would just start with DC 2 and 3 to begin with.
My DS is only 20 months so only have experience of him but before we go upstairs for his bath I try to only do calm things, read, watch some tv, play with his trains etc. Once we go upstairs he doesn't come down again until the morning. He has his bath, try to keep that calm too but he has too much fun usually!
Then it's into his room and I shut the door so he can't go running around, nappy, pjs, sleeping bag, milk and stories, teeth (in his room),one more story,turn off light, cuddles and then in his cot for the night.
He has some quiet music on and his room is dark but not pitch black.
I always say good night, love you then leave the room. Often he will start crying a little and I will go back in after a few minutes tell him it's time for sleep and leave again. He is usually then asleep in the next 20 minutes or so.
I am not a person who can listen to crying so I will always go in and give him a cuddle if he sounds upset rather than just grizzly.

I am aware that I only have the one to deal with so much easier. I would get DH/DP to take charge of one and you do the other and then tackle your eldest later so he/she feels a bit special being able to stay up a bit later?

Stickers well done for being far more concise than me!

Thing that worries me is that they are too old and set in their ways now to take on a new routine.

I can imagine it seems daunting but you don't have an alternative - they can't go on like this, it must be driving you mad let alone how tired and hyper the kids are getting. You need to work in stages and don't negotiate or argue with them. It sounds completely out of hand but you will all feel so much better if you make the decision to take charge.

I'm fairly anti- imposing routine but bedtime's the exception. If one thing makes kids hard to deal with it's being tired. If you feel that it's insurmountable then ask you HV for help. It's their job to support you and sometimes they're suprisingly good at it :)

im not sure if this will help but this is my routine. about 5 my little girl has her tea, then a we have games time like a board game etc, then its time for a bath, then we have perhaps another game depending on the time and books. by now its seven so she has some supper and get in to bed i will read her another book sing a couple of songs and thats it ! i find after school she has her telly time and messing around with daddy time time so she is calm after about six ish!! otherwise she is hyper as well!! good luck x

and another thing i made was a reward chart where we had a list of things to do before she went to bed, bath, teeth, supper, books,songs, and then she would tick each one and put a sticker at the bottom of the chart .