London Mums, how do you juggle childcare, your job and commuting?

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DS is 6 months old and it looks like I am taking the full 12 months of maternity leave. We already have the nursery place for him sorted for when I am going back to work, so we should actually feel well organised and relaxed.
Instead, we are wondering how on earth we will be seeing and spending time with our little boy when I am going back to work!! My work hours are not really compatible with nursery hours and it will take me nearly 2 hours of commuting in total per day. DH's will take nearly 2.5 hours. I could probably squeeze an 80% role out of my employer but I am not sure how this will resolve the problem...
We have no family nearby so would have to rely on nursery, nanny or childminder..
It feels like somebody else will be bringing up our son!
London Mums, please tell me it can work! How do you do it, how much do you see your children and are you happy with it?

I cut my hours slightly at work (with the corresponding pay cut, of course!), and moved them earlier: I work 8am to 4.15pm with a three-quarter-hour lunchbreak. DH's hours were always 10am to 6pm (he's a university lecturer), so he took DD to nursery in the morning at 8 and I picked her up at 6. We live on the edge of zone 3 so a one-and-a-quarter-hour commute each way.

Now DD's at school she does breakfast club and after-school club so we've never needed a childminder. Since she's gone to school I work at home on Wednesdays with a 3pm finish so I can actually pick her up from school rather than after-school club, and have that little interface with the teacher, plus a bit more time with DD (which is really special to us). It's not been easy - especially when she was tiny and I had to put her to bed very soon after we got home - but needs must. I've got one of those jobs that doesn't really exist outside London, so moving away wasn't an option, and we wouldn't be able to afford to move nearer our workplaces. DD is now 8 and the routine is still working fine - it's just what's normal for us.

Juggling doesn't get any better once you get a school-age child either as you then have to factor in the holiday care!

When DS was a baby, I dropped him off daily at the nursery which is on-site for my work, which means he was in the car with me for well over an hour a day rather than another hour with a childminder. We travel into outer London. I used this time for talking with him/music/playing spot the bus games etc. Nursery is expensive - I got a discount because of being staff and used childcare vouchers to offset some of the cost. Use all the breaks you can! This meant I would get him to breakfast before 8 and get myself to work at 8 and then I'd leave at 4 (half hour lunch) and go and get him before driving home.

Advantage to having child near work: if there's an emergency (and there's always an emergency!) you can get to them fast. Yes they do get terrible bugs to begin with but after the first few months it does ease off as their immune systems start to fend off stuff.

Once at school it actually got harder. Living 45 mins from work means you have to think about who is dropping off and picking up. And don't forget the hell that is part-time school for the first few weeks! We solved the problem by continuing to spend the £1K+ a month (going rate for this area) we were spending on nursery fees, spending it instead on a private school which (crucially) is close to work so I can continue to drop DS off at breakfast club, pick him up from afterschool club and hang on to my full time job/pension etc. Don't forget pensions if you are thinking of cutting hours!

Holidays can be a nightmare. There is very little in the way of holiday clubs at Christmas, so assume you and your partner will have to share the time off. All other half terms and holidays have clubs, and you can use childcare vouchers to pay for those. I've now got three clubs DS quite likes, so we have him at all three for various weeks so he doesn't get bored. Start looking for clubs now! Downside of private school - longer holidays so most holiday clubs won't run in the extra weeks!

I would also suggest getting childcare vouchers even if you think you won't use them for nursery or childminders, as they don't expire and you can save them for when your DC need them. The new system that is proposed is £1200 per child per year as long as all resident parents are working, which is better for more than one child, BUT (and it's a big BUT) they say it will only go up to the age of 12. Childcare vouchers go up to 16 and you can only keep them as long as you don't change employer once the new system kicks in. Whole different thread needed there. I will need holiday clubs when DS is older than 12 so am hoping I don't have to change jobs and thus lose the vouchers!

I also hoard my annual leave, and often have over a week left to take at the end of the leave year. This is purely so I have some reserve in case of child illness. And does mean I should get a few 'me' days off at the end of March!

2 kids here, as they are 6 and 4 we now have an aupair which is a breeze, totally godsend. Before that it was breakfast childminder and afterschool club for DS1 and nursery for DS2. Husband is out of the house from 7am to 7pm, so every drop off and every collection was up to me. I work FT 9-4:30 with half an hour lunch break and made it fine by leaving home at 7:50am and coming back home at 5:40 with both kids collected on my way. It was stressful as any train delay means having to call friends to help out. It is hard and I am counting years for this to be over, and hoping to rely on aupairs in the years to come, and I still have about 7-8 years to cope.

I went back full time when my daughter was 11 months old sand have her in nursey next to my office so she does the commute with me I a sling - peak hour with a pram doesn't bear thinking about - this has worked really well for me.

Marking my place because this will be an issue for us if we have dc. Will read with interest once sober enough!

I have 2 dd who are now 8 and 9. I have pretty much worked full time with exception of mat leave. They both went to nursery. With the benefit of hindsight, I would absolutely choose a childminder setting than a nursery if I had to do it again. Not because nurseries aren't good but for these reasons . One, they will get ill, a lot, in the first couple of years. More I think than in other settings. This makes managing work even more stressful because you either have to take time off or find back-up. Secondly, if the children are in full time childcare, nursery can be pretty full on. Long days, over stimulation. I think a child minder or nanny share setting should be calmer and perhaps less demanding when they are little. A nursery might not take a teething miserable toddler who is under the weather because of teeth (they generally don't give calpol etc) but a childminder might.
Definitely go for fewer hours if you can. I don't work full time through choice but there was a time where I did work 4 days for a while and I treasure those memories of having that time.
Not going to pretty it up, it's tough and stressful at times. Screeching out of the office at 5 to do a 6pm nursery pick up only to be stuck in a tube tunnel with unexplainable delays. I end up doing a lot of work in the evenings to make up for the often compressed 9-5 days. It is doable but be realistic and plan as much as you can to make it easy as it can be. Good luck!

No sophie I don't think they do want to hear about anyone out of London, after all alpha knows all about it as her brother has an easy journey and everyone can leave at 5. So of course it must be like that for us all ....

We have a live in aupair and cleaner. Also live v close to work (zone 2) so don't have much commute time at all. Without these three factors, it would have been very difficult. The au pair option means also that when they are ill (with something mild or routine like a cold) the au pair can stay with them rather than one of us missing work. She also gets paid extra to cover school holidays.

I get asked this question a lot my answer is always the same: live-in childcare and cleaner... Appreciate it's is not possible for everyone though.

Same problems . Don't live in London

At least you're probs earning a significantly higher wage if you are working in the capital to pay for nannies etc!

I work in the capital - public service wage. Def not enough for a nanny as costs (inc mortgage) far too high. We aren't all loaded y'know...There are still nurses, teachers, shop workers etc here.

3 dc. Both dh and i work FT and have about an hours commute one way.
We use a combination of nursery, breakfast club, after school club and family.
H does drop offs, I do collections and have changed my hours so that I can be in home with all 3 by around 5.30 each evening. Stressful mornings but means I can get a good couple of hours with them before theyre off to bed.
Technically I could afford not to work or at least go part time but the negative impact on this for me personally is too much. I've not long been at a senior level and i am keen to continue with my own career progression. I have considered winding down a bit but I'm only young and it's important for me to have financial independence. So for me, it's worth all the issues it throws up!

Characteristics of a London working parent:

1. long commute
2. In a professional job - London housing costs are so ridiculously high that childcare (also very expensive) isn't worth it unless you earn a lot
3. career minded, as specifically moved to London for said professional job
4. Often no grandparents nearby
5. The rest of the country think we're up our own arses

Laughing at Beaky's comment. I am a Northerner and thought the same until I became a Londoner. Curses, I fell for a Southerner....

The other thing is - some of us try and balance things out a bit by moving to within commutable distance of the capital where housing costs etc are cheaper. But does that work any better? Looking at it as at the minute I have an hour and twenty commute just getting across the blardy city. So why not live somewhere nice and more like 45 mins to an hour out? Views on this would be welcome please!

Not in London, but can commute for up to 40 mins each way. Ds1 went to crèche at 8 months, we fiddled around a but with work and commute patterns. What has worked for the last six months is for me to work 80 per cent, but spread over 5 days. Means I can leave earlier each day and avoid rush hour (thereby cutting time off commute). Husband works full time, but very often from home, which helps with pick ups and drip offs too.

I've had to be quite brutal about not working over time, or only to the extent I can do so without compromising seeing my son / my health. This is hard, especially since the majority of my co workers do work very hard and I feel a bit left behind in that respect. Probably good for me though!

I live in the country and have all of Beakys 4 problems!

I married a farmer, so my children live so far from their primary school, the council would have to pay for a taxi to take them but because I have a long commute to work they have to be in childcare before then. DH works impossibly long hours, including all weekends, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, whatever. If he's here, he goes to work, which means he has about 10 days off in the whole year.

None of the local schools offer after school clubs because most mothers don't work, and there are very very few holiday clubs for the same reasons.

Of course there is expectation on me in my office job to work longer than 5 pm, after all the office doesn't actually close til 5.30, and I am very much expected to put in more time than that.

So we do have similar problems, despite not being in London.

For me, the answer was nursery when the children were pre school. Now we have a childminder providing after school care and we have to send the children away to grandparents in the holidays. Oh, and a cleaner.

But you London mums carry on with thinking it's really hard for you and the rest of the country has it easy. And we will carry thinking you all have your heads shoved up your arse.

I think it is harder in London. I found it impossible so we moved to another big city and it is miles easier. Life's a doddle compared to commuting across London!

But the way we do it now is - I leave at 6, get into work at 6.15. Work till 3. Pick children up then. DH drops off at 8.30 and works till 7 ish.

Obviously I am lucky with a very flexible job.

Definitely harder in London. As up thread said. ... those who moved from north to London confirm it is so much harder to juggle it all.

Having said that, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else!

I work flexible hours finishing early. My husband starts later, drops them off at nursery and childminder and doesnt really see them in the evening as he gets back later. I work four days a week. Because I pick the kids up, I miss all work socialising and have come to accept that my career has stagnated. I feel like that team charity case - my work tiptoe around me and I do the slog work while everyone else gets the larger accounts/pushed further. I accept this as I am wrecked and feel too guilty as it is, with time off for children illness etc. My eldest turns 5 this year and I thought school would be easier, but actually find it harder as he needs me more emotionally to adapt to new environment, friend issues etc. However, I do love my team and enjoy the work and adult interaction. If I didnt financially have to work, I must say, I think I would have switched careers as it is hard. All my mummy friends are SAHMs. Oh, and I have nightmares about the day the trains go down - as me and DH get the sane train to London as we have no family/friends who could help out nearby.

OUr nursery was open from 7 til 7, but not all do. I agree a child minder is probably your best bet. Whereabouts in London are you?

Sarf East. Had a terrific (if hideously expensive) nursery when DS was smaller. Now have CM after school but less pleased with quality of care

I don't think these problems are exclusive to London BTW. I have friends commute Edinburgh to Glasgow and their housing and childcare costs have also not been matched by salary raises.I just think there's a high concentration of people with similar problems here, the costs are particularly steep (my nursery used to cost 1200 a month) and the no of hours routinely expected of people in ft jobs is well in excess of 35/40. I am fed up with it tbh...

I'm not going to get drawn into the argument about whether the problems are any greater in London, but what's worked for us (in London) is using nurseries and holiday clubs near our workplaces (local nurseries weren't open long enough to fit with our working hours plus commuting time plus we could get there quickly if DC was ill). I also changed careers not long before DC was born. It's been a mixed blessing, as I've lost a lot of ground in terms of career progression, but working conditions are more flexible and fit better with family life.