London Mums, how do you juggle childcare, your job and commuting?

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DS is 6 months old and it looks like I am taking the full 12 months of maternity leave. We already have the nursery place for him sorted for when I am going back to work, so we should actually feel well organised and relaxed.
Instead, we are wondering how on earth we will be seeing and spending time with our little boy when I am going back to work!! My work hours are not really compatible with nursery hours and it will take me nearly 2 hours of commuting in total per day. DH's will take nearly 2.5 hours. I could probably squeeze an 80% role out of my employer but I am not sure how this will resolve the problem...
We have no family nearby so would have to rely on nursery, nanny or childminder..
It feels like somebody else will be bringing up our son!
London Mums, please tell me it can work! How do you do it, how much do you see your children and are you happy with it?

I don't agree

I think the problems are the same for many large cities in the UK, for many mums.

It is all relative, yes ?

Agree with AlphaSchmalpha -
on top of all these difficulties, such as the stress, not seeing your children much during the week, is the issue what to do when child is ill. I think if you have family to rely on it might be all doable, otherwise I think it is a very tall order. During her first two years I was home with dd (one year maternity leave and then one year unpaid leave), I then had to go back to work or lose the job, so dh took two years unpaid leave, now he is working again and I resigned (working fewer hours was not an option for my employer). Since starting school full-time, dd has been ill for a total of 15 days so far, only by being a SAHM we are able to deal with this. Then there is the issue of the many holidays, for example X-mas holiday is not just two weeks there are always some extra days on top (staff training etc.), then all the mid-term breaks, long Summer holiday, even when I was working and dd was with DH I found it stressful that I was missing out on so much. Mind you, it is not for everybody, DH is so so pleased to be back at work - he found it exhausting and lonely to be SAHD. We both had jobs in London and long commutes.

we live just outside london and commute in every day. Dd is 7 months old and has been at nursery for about 7 weeks now so we are still getting used to how it is all going to work.

we have a 90 min commute door to door. Longer if you include the nursery pick up/drop off.

I have gone back to work 4 days a week (mon, tues, thurs and Fri) and work 8am to 4pm.

My husband is able to start at 10am most days so he does the drop off. I hightail it out of work at 3.59pm and bolt for the tube to get to the station for my 4.30pm train to get back to the nursery before it closes at 6pm. I am usually there by 5.30 though last night thanks to the student protests it was much closer thing.

Since she has been at nursery she has been sick three times. We have taken it in turns to work from home during those days. We are lucky in that we can both do that if we have to. If i couldtn work from home i would be calling in sick or using my parental leave.

I am getting used to having more limited time with DD. It is hard. Sometimes i want to keep her up later at night just so i can spend more time with her but i restraing myself and put her to bed at her normal time. My poor DH barely gets to see her except for the 30 minutes in the morning when he is dressing/feeding her and taking her to nursery. She is usally tucked up in bed by the time he gets home.

It helps i guess that she loves nursery and fligns herself into the arms of the staff when she gets there. I know she is happy there and has a lovely time. If she didnt like it so much then we might have looked at the situation again.

Another pregnancy/baby?
I found it difficult going back 3 days a week, DH works really long hours and our life/work balance was crap - I only do one day a week now. Doing nursery/CM pick up/drop off is exhasuting as well. A nanny is much easier.

We've found a nanny and/or flexible childminder much easier than nursery OP. Mainly because the tubes are delayed so much of the time that the stress of trying to get back for 6pm on the dot (or earlier) would just be hellish.

The other thing that makes it such a challenge in huge cities like London is that you really don't have the option of driving to nursery then driving on to work like you would in a small city/town. So you really need to think about your route and convenience of drop off/pick up. Plus young professional families in London, generally, don't have grandparents a convenient 5 minutes away to step in when illness strikes.

Agree sharing with DH is critical. But even with sharing the drop offs/pick ups with DH, I still want to race out the door at 5pm to get home to see DD before she goes to bed at 7. If I was a permanent employee in my field there is no way I could do this (PR), but as a freelancer I (just about) get away with it.

On tube strike/student riot/AN Other London Disruption days I usually work from home so I can guarantee to be at home on time.

it works fine for us

we both work full time.

dh's commute is about 60 mins door to door, mine's about 80 mins door to door (one way).

But we have a nanny. And without her, our whole plan falls apart. In addition, I start work early and finish on time (so I'm normally back by 7pm). Dh starts work slightly later than me but finishes later but it means, if there is a sick child in the morning, I wake up and find out they are sick and we have a bit of leeway before dh goes to work to sort it out iyswim.

we found nursery a disaster btw (due to the sickness).

Some practical things that work for us:

Get a cleaning/ironing person so you don't spend the wekend doing chores

Get an internet shop delivered weekly, at least for the boring basics, you can then potter at leisure round the supermarket instead of having to do a mega shop on your day off

Get everything ready for work and nursery the night before: e.g. clothes, bags packed, packed lunch

Have emergency cash in bag at all times for for mad taxi sprint incase of problems with public transport, student demos etc

Get friendly with other local Mums and help each other out with childcare

My friend tell me that nannys and childminders are more willing to have a child who is feeling a bit under the weather and are more flexible with hours than a nursery (we went with a nursery though)

Read up on the law around family friendly working and yours/your husband's company's policies on time off for emergencies, parental leave, homeworking etc, all of which you could use if needed.

Be prepared to use annual leave for childcare and not for holidays!

Make sure you and your husband share responsibilities equally. I am an HR manager and see far too many women taking time off for their chidren when their partners do nothing "but his company wouldn't let him have a day off" - erm they have to, it's the law!

If it's not working for you as a family after a few months then do something about it - another job, different childcare, different work hours might all improve the situation.

we moved close (walking distance) to my work which makes everything easier. nursery is about half way.
I leave the house at quarter to 8 to arrive at nursrey at 8, start work between 8:15 and 8:30.
short lunch, have to take half an hour.
leave work at half four most days, 5 if there is too much to do. back home by 17:30.

Mr Toad has some good tips, especially the emergency cash for mad taxi dashes. I had to do one of these just last week when the Victoria Line was screwed and the busses were stationary due to rioting students. Still took an hour and cost £55 thanks to the demonstrators.

mousey I'm very jealous of you living walking distance to work, that would take a huge amount of stress out of the whole thing. Can't imagine how much you've had to spend to buy in zone 1!

A nanny

I also work flexi time so 8.30 - 4.30 pm

Not easy, but easier with a nanny IME

I went back to work f/t in London when DD was 6 months, commuting 1.5 hours each way. I didn't find it a big deal because I had lots of back-up and an employer who is very supportive of flexible working practices and hours.

Luckily, there was a very good nursery in the same building as my office. To begin with DD went there for two days a week. So, I spent 3 hours a day travelling with her on those days (using a carrier) and was able to pop in and breastfeed her during my breaks.

My husband was unemployed and at home until DD was 18 months and we also had a good au pair. They dressed DD in the mornings and looked after her for the other three days in the week. Our au pair would also bring DD up to London for lunch and a feed and then a trip to a museum or park while I finished at work in the afternoon. Then they would travel back with me.

Now that DD is older (22 months), DH is back in work and AP is studying part time at college, so we've figured out a different arrangement. I drop DD at a tiny, friendly nursery v. near home and AP picks her up and minds her for a couple of hours in the evening until either me or DH get home.

It still works well for us, DD is healthy and happy, and, barring episodes of illness, I don't generally suffer any kind of working mother angst or guilt. DD loves her little nursery, she loves our AP and she loves me and her dad.

Not London, but different city with some similar issues and I've gone back to work four days a week.

Our approach is to farm out all tasks that we don't actually enjoy. We have a cleaner in once a week, and a weekly online supermarket shop, organised to the point where we never now visit a supermarket. We always have ingredients in for quick healthy meals i.e. frozen fresh pasta in the freezer, and pesto in the cupboard, and when it all goes wrong there is always pizza delivery which I do without a shred of guilt.
I have an organised work wardrobe which requires no ironing, and a hairstyle that can be dried in 5 min.

I'd really recommend reading 'what happy working mothers know'.

Good luck

Katy

We had DD in a nursery close to work and put up with commuting her too. So we all go out together. Later we got a part-time (end of nursery/school till 8pm) nanny because it is reasonably rare that one of us can't get home by 8.

There is of course a major downside which is commuting a small person. This only really works if you are likely to get some space on the variety of public transport you are travelling on although I have generally found that people are actually very good at giving up seats.

DD is in childcare 8am-6pm every day, and I have a cleaner and a gardener, so the time I have at the weekend I can spend time with DD. She is almost one.

We both work full-time, DD's childcare is two tube stops from us on the way into town, I drop her off and my husband picks her up.

I think a lot of people do this, but it is tough. We have a good team around us, I certainly could not leave DD if I did not have absolute faith in the fantastic standard of care she was getting. On a practical level, people do give up their seat on the tube (I take her in the sling).

I went back 4 days a week whe year DS was 12 months. No choice as all nursery could offer me. DH took him in the morning so I could be in work before 9am. I then had to leave on the dot of 5 to run to LSt to get 5.22 train. I then got to nursery usually at 5.59 (they closed at 6pm!)

When we got home we sat and watched CBeebies bedtime hour and he ate some yoghut then we got him ready for bed. He probaby went to bed around 8pm and got up for 7am. We didn't give him breakfast as he had it at nursery.

Yes, it was hard but manageable. He loved nursery and I loved going back to work. We spent our Wednesdays as Mummy and DS day - which we both loved, and we spent family time at the weekends. DH had the mornings and I also had that hour after nursery. DS and I have a fab bond and in some ways is stronger than with my DD who is at home with me.

I have given up work having had DD and DS is at school. I could not find wrap round childcare for before / after school and couldn't do anything than 9-5 in the City.

I would say - go for it whilst he is in nursery. When they get to school age you will be amazed at how much easier it was - 51 weeks childcare 7.45-6 in our case - and managing a full time, rewarding job. I would love to go back to work but can't work out how to do 8.40 drop off / 3.10 collection and 13 weeks holiday plus inset days / snow closure days etc. DS's school is very yummy mummy and there are 2 registered CM's that collect from there. Family don't live close either so no contingency and DH's career has taken off in the last 5 years so he brings in the money and I do the childcare.

Apologies for typing - unhappy 19month DD wanting to join in ....

Might your employer allow you to work from home 1-2 days a week? That makes a huge difference. Or your DH's? Between us, we can work 2-3 days a week from home which means a nursery drop off at 8 - work like buggery and then pick up 3 ish, do an hourafter supper... But it also means you can fling a wash on, be there for deliveries etc which cuts stress and extra work down

This is me and DH. Now that ds has started school I am finding it harder because he's tired etc. (We have two DC).

We have a nanny!

So I'm thinking of getting a less stressful job as had enough quite frankly.

I think a big problem is that London is so expensive that unless one of you is earning a high wage then it tends to push both of you towards ft work and the norm for ft work is more than 9-5 and then there is the commute too. It is very, very tough.

My preferred solution would be to leave London entirely and move back North where it is possible to live somewhere nice, semi- affordable and about half an hour from your workplace. But DH isn't keen...

This is so true: think a big problem is that London is so expensive that unless one of you is earning a high wage then it tends to push both of you towards ft work and the norm for ft work is more than 9-5 and then there is the commute too

Or if you want to live somewhere cheaper it means compromising on schools for example. Or safety. London is a nightmare.

All of our family are here including elderly parents so moving would mean we would lose a support network.

MrToad's and Katy's advice is very sensible (we do all of that). My top tip would be that the advantage of London & borders is a lot of choice of childcare, so look at a lot of places/people till you are happy. If your DC is with lovely people you won't need to worry or feel guilty. It will add to their life, not take away from it. DD runs into her nursery and doesn't even wave goodbye unless prompted. We use a nursery that is in a good place for our commutes rather than one near home. As a teacher, it means a fighting chance of getting to work on time (although DH does nearly all the drop offs due to starting work later). Start looking for childcare asap as good places are booked up far in advance.

Don't you want to hear from parents with big commutes not just from parents in London?

My 3-4hr daily commute is in the north west

Maybe people in London have the idea that those not in London can walk to work in 5 mins....

So