wish it were all different?

[Brewster]

you ever have days were you wish your life was different?

the constant toddler battles.
the marital issues?
the dogs needing walks and everything.
having to be the boss of EVERYTHING.
monitoring everyone and making sure evreything gets done etc etc

just had the shittest weeks holiday EVER and have fallen out with my brother in a totally unreconsiliable way - will never see him again now and yesterday told my Nanny is dying!!
I just want some peace and quite to digest it all you know...and i dont just mean a few hours .... I am so depressed and today my little 2 year old has been so demanding and sorry to say annoying.....aggghhhh
I have no patienec today and am now rethinking our plan to have more babies.

I sometimes wish I were single and alone again just for an easy life....

anyone?

Sending you masses of sympathy, sounds sh*.

Tomorrow is another day, honest.

Some little thing will happen to make you feel glad.

i feel so guilty for feeling like this
I had no patience with him today - how awful a mother am i....

You're not awful - if you were, you wouldn't be feeling guilty.

You're only human and we all have our crappy days.And two year-olds can be EXTREMELY annoying!!

Sometimes, with the best will in the world, patience is really hard to find.

There's nothing wrong with feeling pissed off after you've been through the wringer a bit.

It'll be okay.

maybe i shouldnt have another baby - they can be such hard work and i had such awful post natal depression ...

toddlers can be so wonderful but soooo trying at other times.....

maybe i should never have been a mummy cos some days i just dont want to do it anymore

but i would never want to leave him

i feel so lost and awful and depressed right now

Brewster, I think loads of mums can relate to how you are feeling. No matter how rewarding being a mum can be, it's relentless, 24/7 and it's hardly surprising it feels like it's just too much sometimes.

And just because you had PND first time round, doesn't necessarily mean you would have it the second time. And if you DID have it, at least you would be in a position to recognise the signs early and get help, meds etc. quickly to nip it in the bud.

You've just had this horrible row with your brother and now this sad news about your Nanny. No wonder you feel so bad.

Maybe review the situation with your brother in a few days time when you've had a bit of space to calm down and reflect on what it was all about? It's possible you might be able to see a way through it. If not, is there a neutral person who could listen to your account of what happened and give you some thoughts on it? Sometimes it helps to get an objective view.

Is there someone in RL who can give you a hug? Who you can phone and vent to?

It sounds like you have issues with your OH as well - are they very serious? If so, have you considered Relate?

Give yourself a treat tonight - some small thing you don't usually do. You need to pamper yourself a bit. And give yourself a break, too. You deserve some cherishing, as much as your DS does.

I have had days like this, Brewster. Weeks like this, actually. When it's cold and dark, it all seems much worse, too.

What are your plans tomorrow? Can you visit friends? Something social to keep busy and stop from brooding?

Looking ahead, is there any possibility you could get a full day to yourself some time soon? I had a whole day off the other day, went shopping, had lunch, had coffee and read the papers. Fuck, did I need it. It didn't make all my problems go away, but it did give me a little bit of respite from them.

Havent really got probs with hubby just sometimes men arent all you wnat them to be you know!

My son goes to a cildminder 2 days a week as it helped iwth the PND and we have just kept it up to stop me getting too overwhelmed.
Trouble is on those days I find my self rushinga round doing teh shopping, cleaning, vets visits and all other appointments etc that are hard to do with a little one in tow - not really much of a rest.
If i do sit down for a few mins I feel guilty and feel ishoudl be doing something.
I also work on a very part time basis at home so taht is another responsility I have ...

My brother lives in America and we went to visit him after not seeing him for 4 years - it was awful and our relationship is over....
i wont go into the details but it is not solvable.
My parents also live abroad...

today it all just seems way too much to deal with and I dreading tomorrow being similar

Yep, I wish things were different.
Your post rang so true with me that I can't even type a decent reply right now, but you're not alone.
I just try to get through one day at a time....

well today was better.
Thank goodness!!

Yay - that's good.

Hope today is just as nice.

What I discovered recovering from (non pregnancy related depression) - time passes, sounds simple, but it does and whatever situation you are in will be different and more different the longer the time - you cannot see what will come along to alter the situation, but alter it will.

What's more personal is how to deal with each day. Cognitive behaviour therapy is helpful for addressing how we make these black holes of misery and how to get out of them - were you offered CBT for PND?

People and relationships first - that's what makes us human - bab, hubby, Nanny, brother - you have got enough love to go round as you are Woman and we're brilliant. You feel crap because you care - be nicer to yourself.

Thanks Cat.

Yeah I have had depression on and off since I was 16 and have had all types of therapy. In the last few years I have had CBT.

You know how it is though - when you are at the bottom on the hole you cant see a way out and that tomorrow will be different.

Wouldnt you know it - when 2 awful things have happened my therapist is on holiday for 2 months!!!
Life was really good today and I can see the sunshine!!

Thanks everyone for readind and posting
x