Am I being strict enough?

[smallisland]

I have lovely 6 and 4 year old DD's.

My 6 yr old (Yr1) is impeccably behaved at school but has taken to being rude and uncooperative at home. This unwanted behaviour is being dealt with by time out and the prospect of not being allowed to go on play dates, having toys removed etc but does not seem to be stopping it. She is happy at school and is making great progress.

We also have reward systems which seems to need to be modified after a couple weeks as they lose interest in them and don't seem bothered about not getting a sticker or whatever the reward is.

I do not want to smack my children but I do wonder whether I am doing enough or using the right methods? Inevitably I end up shouting at them a bit, especially in the mornings when we are on our way to school. I wonder if the fact that my 6yr olds behaviour at school is so good means she is letting of steam at home? The disciplining seems relentless or is this just normal for the age? I know that every age has it's challenges!

I'd really appreciate any thoughts/reassurance from anyone with similar experience on this. Thanks! :)

IME Thats normal behaviour from that age onwards :) my own DD never responded well to reward charts time out etc at home, though still does in school ...I had to keep changing the system, as once she's collected enough XX(whatever was current) she then refused to spend them on a reward, so that she didn't have to behave in order to earn more

I personally found with her, it was about flexing her wings & stating her independence, something she could do to a degree at School, but she felt less so at home,

finding ways of helping her feel more "grown up" at home, & making a big deal out of allowing her that "freedom" would calm her down & we'd get on better for a while,

those freedoms have been anything from letting her empty the dishwasher, loading the washing machine, choose her own clothes, to going to the corner shop on her own, basically ANYTHING she will see as "grown up"

these things can then also be taken back if she plays up for a while at least :)

good luck

I think you are doing the right hing. You need to keep letting her know that this behaviour is not acceptable and addressing it via time out and mising out on things that are treats. obviously vary it. are you also on the other side really praising the positive - this i found to be the hardest thing - i had to acctively tell myself to praise positive things (thats terrible isnt it) - however small. and separately i would casual chats with her to try and find out whether anything is bothering her at home ie sibling issues or anything? Part of it also can be when they see other kids behave that way. She doesnt do it at school because she knows she cant get away with it and also because there is more benefit in positive behaviour - ie i imagine it gets noticed/praised/rewarded. not sure if that helps but that is somehting i have learnt with my 2.

Thanks your comments are really reassuring :)

rockinhippy your suggestions about allowing freedom are something that I am going to encourage. 6 is a transitional age and I think that you are really right about helping her to feel more grown up, thanks for the advice :) It will be interesting to see if this helps improve things.

bornorg you are so right about making sure that you praise the positive, I will make an effort to make sure I notice the good! I do try to have a little chat with her at the end of each day about her day and to give her the chance to let me know anything that is bothering her this does often help to get to the bottom of why she is behaving in a certain way.