How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

as long as its yoru truth i supose. many people have posted how damanging it can be to a child's psyche raisng them as a mini-adult but yo udont seem to want to respoind because you are so proud of him. i am sure he's lovely and wondrful and briught but it is yuoru repsoinsibilty to protect him and from yoru posts it looks to me liek you are failing by being so proud of his ability ot be a 7 year old adult.

Actually marslady he is accepting of all but he knows the dangers of throwing stones in the air, running into roads and running out of sight of an adult. which is what some of the others were doing
the party actually went on for another few hours. I just told the children who were playing up to behave and made them sit out of one game each until they could play nicely and not throw things. His party was outside on the grass, with 2 paddling pools, bbq, music, games, and in total 50 people. a mixture of adults and children. No alcohol just a group of people having fun.

there are ways of telling thr truth i agree.

i could say to my kids 'daddy is in left heart failure and the docs have tried all the drugs possible to keep him going, but they couldnt so they have fitted a thoratec Left ventricular assit device3 which is outside his body it is keeping him alive for now, but he wil lstill need a heart transplant later on, which as you know is a majpr op and he may not survive it'

but they have been told 'daddys herat isnt very well ,the machine you see works like a heart, and it helps pump the blood around his body'. as a child what would you like to be told?

Tigermoth, i would prefer him to be faced with the whole truth rather than half truths. It is how i was raised.

that sounds apretyy normal maybe were all gettng you wrong

the telling the truth strikes a chord with me.

A very good friend of mine refused to have Father Christmas/Santa story told to her children, no stockings etc because she had been brought up to believe in him and felt betrayed about the lie her aprents had told her when she found out the truth.

I can vouch that her children would much have preferred "the lie" and the stockings.

It's not just a stark choice between whole truth and 'half truths' imo.

Mud,
My truth is the true facts of a situation. and that is exactly what karl is always told. He is very protected even in school. The staff have known him since they saw the very first scan of him. My mum works in the school and has done for 23 yrs. Although it is only now she has any dealings with him as he has gone into the juniors where she works in the playground. but not in his class.
The teachers actually tell mum not to be so hard on him because she treats him like all the other children there and they don't think she should.
He is encouraged to learn more by the staff and during holidays spends a lot of time with them as i am always helping my mum out with her extra work during these times.

Zippi, ok I hold my hands up i lie to him and tell him the tooth fairy, santa and bambi are real.

"The teachers actually tell mum not to be so hard on him because she treats him like all the other children there and they don't think she should"

hmmm......

Have been ignoring my own children too long, must go and interact with them now

And however bright a child is, they are still not adults. Their minds rae more plastic and need the stimulation of play to fully develop. They are also not always evenly 'advanced'

For example my dd has a very advanced reading age. She is 8 with a reading age of about 13...effectly she can read just about anything she wants now (not a brag, she was not hot house this just happened ds is quite different). Howver she is still only 8 emotionaly. It would be inapropriate for her to settle down with the Times after lunch, which she could easily read, but would alarm and upset her.

She still needs to be treated as an 8 year old

Vaunda, not knowing you i wasn't sure what you would do about that...

Tigermoth, I am only stating what was said to my mum.

Zippi. i Still leave a cake out for santa, carrot for rudolph and a brandy for santa. My decorations go up on 30th november hee hee I love xmas.

i'm fascinated by the father xmas issue. i never believed in him - can't remember doing so anyway - to me the carrots, sherry etc were a fun game but i knew my parents brought the pressies. but other people's kids seem to actually, genuinely, 100% belive in santa, despite the fact that it's onviously impossible. now i'm a mum i'm not sure how to approach the subject... ?

and vaunda if your boy is as advanced and perceptive as you say, does he really still belive in santa at 7???

laligo,
OMGG santa is sooooo real lol
My dad used to put talc on teh bottom of his boots and walk through the house to leave "snow" on the carpets.

Laligo, possibly not but i activly encourage him to. come to think of it last yr i went ott as i had my 5 yr old cousin living with me and he had never had a good xmas. His mum had never even taken him to a park and he was lacking in many ways. He was also autistic/aspergers.

I believed in him until I was eight and so did my eldest dd

Zippi, as the lyrics to one of my fav songs go..

I still believe in santa claus maybe thats just because i'm still a child at heart,
and i still believe in old saint nic then again maybe thats the trick we need, we need to retreat to a world of make believe.

Santa's not real?

Snaf don't worry he SO IS real. so whatever all you non-believers.

what about the cousin with AS? did he believe in santa? i don't know any kids with AS but DP's brother has it so i know a little - does their literal-mindedness get in the way of santa issues?

sorry to be so serious about this! but it bothers me - don't like the idea of actively lying to DS if he is sniffing at the truth, as i have seen some parents do.

If you don't believe in him then he won't come, will he..

He still arrives in our house