What word do your children use for female genitals?

[frannyf]

Apologies if this has been asked before, but this is becoming an urgent issue in our household. Ds is 2.5 and has just started asking "Where is your willy, Mummy?" I told him women and girls don't have willies...and then froze.

I don't want him to think that girls just have an empty area where a willy should be, I want him to realise we have our own special bits, but I cannot settle on a word I feel comfortable with.

"Vagina" is so medical. "Flower" and all those sort of words seem too cutesie. I feel "fanny" is the right equivalent to "willy", and did try it, but I just cringed saying it to ds and felt even worse when he repeated it. I obviously did not sound convincing anyway as he has reverted to calling it a bottom. Help! Sorry if I have rejected your family's choice of name by the way, I don't think any of them are wrong or anything, just don't feel right saying them myself. Am I hopelessly uptight?

frannyf I tell my children the real names - vagina and penis. This is due to the fact my brother is a detective who works in the child abuse unit and investigates peodophiles and children who have been sexually abused. He says that many cases are compromised and can't go to court because children say that the person touched their "flower" or "weewee" etc and the act of sexual molestation cannot be proven. Very frustrating when you have all the evidence but in the end their is no crime against touching someone's "flower".

Mymama, that's shocking! I can see that we need to teach our children the 'proper' names as well as the nickname words. You have convinced me, harpsichord and cadmum, but I can not see myself managing vulva with conviction.

PMSL now as that was not a sentence I'd ever imagined myself using.

I think part of my embarrassment is that I may find myself or ds saying these words in front of my own mother, which I would find awkward. Perhaps I will ask my mum what word she would use - however I don't remember it having had any name at all in my family, which probably is another reason I am finding it tricky.

My little girl calls it "tuppy" she's comfortable with it but when she goes to school she can't understand when she is in the toilets why her mate calls it a "mary"!!!!

By sophable on Friday, 9 September, 2005 11:43:16 PM

don't understand the not calling it anything at all.

v bad imo

fanny fine. vulva even better if you can bring yourself to.

we are so so f*cked up about female sexuality.

Can I just explain that I don't call it anything with my children and dd in particular, not because I am uptight and repressed about these things (though I am undoubtedly am) but because there has really been no need to name these parts. You know when you have a toddler learning the names of the parts of their body and you point to different parts and say "And what is this?" does anyone really point to the vulva or the vagina and ask what is this? Well, I didn't. Penises are a bit different because they stick out so much.

The only other occasion I might have had to mention these words was when potty training dd. Someone asked me earlier in this thread what did I tell her to wipe? I have already replied that I told her to wipe herself. She knew what was wet and needed wiping. I didn't see the need again when potty training to say, "Oh and btw, this part of you is called your vulva and you have a secret hole called a vagina too".

I grant you my children are quite innocent for this age. None of them to my knowledge knows the names of these parts - the correct ones or the slang ones - and the oldest is nine, but if my children are spared that knowledge for a few years to come, I can only say thank goodness, some innocence has been retained. We did have a discussion about gays the other day. Ds1 had clearly heard the term (probably been called it) at school and he and ds2 knew a gay was someone who liked to kiss and cuddle someone of the same sex. I made sure they did not think this was something to laugh or sneer at and then thought that was as much as they needed to know.

Just reflecting on what Lonelymum said, my Mum just used to say eg after a bath, make sure you dry properly between your legs or you will have a sore bottom..which was quite enough really (and boys had willies)

In everyday life I don't really find myself saying anything at all (except when having a bit of a laugh)

I can say that I've never used the word vulva and can't imagine any situation when I would need to?[puzzled emoticon]

We use Fanny and Willie.

I have no problem using these words and don't see the point in Flower or Minnie etc.. But thats only my opinion and as long as our kids are comfortable with what they call it then no problem

willy not willie

Lonelymum, I can almost guarantee that if your nine year old goes to school that he is well aware of all the slang words. My parents never taught me a thing but I sure acquired some interesting information from peers.

Ok, it's getting worse. My son has just seen me getting changed and wants to know what "that string" (tampon ) is. I was not expecting to have to deal with all this just yet, he is only 2 and 5 months.

I think I do agree that a 9 year old will have heard all the words at school. I think if they are not very interested it washed over them at this age, though - doesn't mean they are no longer innocent, or anything. What's that saying - "All things are pure to the pure of heart"? Probably got it wrong but you know what I mean.

Just went to look it up - it's from the Bible:

"Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled."

Probably quite apposite to this thread I thought!

Hilarious. IHC you have cracked me up (but not convinced me).
I'm rather taken with Caligula's 'girlie bits' IYSWIM

well i call it a flower but friends call it the front bottom

My eldest says that boys have got "Mickeys" and girls have got "Hair"! Not taught by me,I hasten to add!

My four year old calls mine a stache, he can't say moustache and thinks thats what i have.

Eldest calls it a Hole, which is revolting and i am trying to change his mind.

I have to confess that my son definitely does know some words I did not teach him. Over the holidays, he and ds2 got email addresses and amused themselves sendning each other emails. I happened to read them (!) and found that ds1 was calling ds2 a f*king jk in one email. Well the f word is pretty normal for me I'm afraid, but neither dh nor I have ever used the j word so he definitely got that from school. But knowing words does not mean he knows what they refer to. If he does know fanny or c*t, I am fairly certain he does not know what they mean.

mymamma, that is concerning. If you teach a child a word that is generally acceptable and understandable like "willy" for a boy would that make a difference in those sort of cases?

I really dont see how knowledge of sex, body parts, puberty or any of that equates to loss of innocence, experience, yes, knowledge, no. I think a better word may be naive or ignorant, to say innocent suggests those that do know are somehow, what...corrupt? Impure? Its just telling them facts about life, people and the world they live in same as telling them when they grow up they'll have to get a job or why the sun goes round the earth or anything. The only thing dirty or impure is us as adults, to them, as long as its handled in the right way, its just another piece of information about life.

And a 9 yo will almost certainly have heard slang terms for genitalia as cadmum says and i would worry that the fact that they have not been told this at home and its never been mentioned is already giving the message that these parts shouldnt be talked about which imo is leaning very close to them being 'unmentionables' and something to be ashamed of.

I disagree. I don't see the need to talk about these things until my sons/dd is old enough to show an interest in this subject. In the same way I do not discuss pensions, international politics or that other great taboo, death, with them either. It is not a deliberate decision, far less a deliberate avoidance, it is just that they have not asked me about it and I don't see the need to educate them about things that do not concern them at the moment. I think this would only be a problem if they felt they could not talk to me about these things when the time arises. Hopefully, that is not the case.

BTW I dond't go out of my way to tell them about other adult things either such as terrorism. I don't know that they are able to handle that sort of information in the way we can (and many adults don't handle it well).

Still intend to use fanny and willy, really don't like the sound of vulva. Don't find it offensive or anything, just don't like the sound!

My friends little boy (2yrs) recently chased after his naked father trying to grab at "daddys Tail"

This is really useful for me (mum of three boys) as I've never really known what to say to them when they ask me what I have instead of a willy! Will be very brave and go with fanny from now on, I think. Hitherto I've been saying vagina - am mortified to have got it wrong ...

in my house it is called a "peach" -( this is a name that ds1 came home from nursery one day calling it- it has now stuck- although it used to be called a "fairy")

boys bits in my house are called "winkies"

Have read this thread with much interest and LOL!
Have 2 boys at moment, and expecting ? a girl next week, so this has been at the back of my mind! As the boys are 8 and 6 I'm sure they will want to be involved at nappy changing and are bound to be interested in the differences! They know that the baby comes out of a hole between my legs (that DOES sound horrible!!) but we haven't got as far as naming it!
Would like to be anatomically correct and call it vulva, but then it is hardly equivalent to willy. Whoever said it is less obvious than a boy's bits is right, but feel this is ducking the issue a bit. Will probably end up with fanny, but sounds a bit rude and have never called mine this.....

I think out of all these names, the one I like most so far is "minky". It has a cheeky little sound to it without being rude, or too 'sweet'. If I was in charge of picking a new global word for fanny, I think that would be it.

Ds now says it's my "sunny bottom." (?) I do hope this doesn't all come up in conversation tomorrow when MIL visits (she of unmentionables fame).

With regard to not giving it a name at all, I do think children are very quick to pick up on what is not spoken about, as well as what is. Sex was never really spoken about openly in my family when I was growing up and hence I never felt comfortable asking my parents about it. I do feel if you try to leave them in a state of innocence / ignorance, then you run the risk of them learning these facts from the school playground instead of from you, and I know which I would prefer.

What happens if you meet someone called Fanny ?

We use front bottom, but really we don't call it anything as at the moment there is no need. A friend has 2 little girls, almost 2 & almost 5, they call them 'Bits' which I think is a bit odd ? bit's of what ? at least a front bottom does look a bit like a botton

we called ours a jimmy when we were kids