Any other Mums of girls out there who do not crave a boy?

[Easywriter]

I know lots of Mums of girls who do - there have been so many threads on here about it.
But I just don't. I am so happy with my girls and feel that if I did have a boy it would upset the balance somewhat and affect my relationship with them. So much so that if I was to go for a third child (I most likely will not) I would actually prefer a girl. Nothing against boys, of course, but I just don't crave one. Obviously if I had had a boy along the way I would have been delighted, but now I have my girls I am elated and want for nothing more.
Am I in the minority?

It's quite common to have a preference serafina. And as you recognise yourself, it is often borne of life experiences, difficult relationships and a fear that you might recreate a traumatic relationship. Your head tells you that it shouldn't matter, but something inside you makes you feel that way.

What you realise once you have a baby of the gender you feared is that gender is a single, irrefutable fact. It does not inform or decide anything about the child you have. The quirks of personality, the things they like and dislike, the way you feel about them is in the end, nothing to do with their gender.

Please don't be hard on yourself but believe me that if you are blessed with a son, you will love him as your child with all the unique possibilities he will bring.

There's no point telling people that they are wrong to have a preference or to fear a certain outcome, because you don't know what myriad experiences have brought them to that point. It's not a simple whim. Likewise, serafina, it's good to be mindful that while it's normal to feel the way you do, the way you phrase it can be hurtful to some people. I know you did not mean to be hurtful at all and you were just being honest. You do not need to feel ashamed of this.

I have a girl. When pregnant, I did want a boy if I'm honest. I was very worried about recreating my relationship with my Mum (fraught) and felt comfortable with the idea of a boy. Of course, like most people, the child I have is the one I am meant to. And if I were blessed enough to have a second, I wouldn't mind either way.

I have all boys and have no desire at all for girls.

I too always saw myself with 3 boys and would have been a bit freaked out initially if this last one had been a girl - though goes without saying healthy baby was all that was important (having had previous mc's or trouble conceiving makes this particularly the case I think)

I think it is ok to have a preference, just don't get in such a state as some people do about it. A healthy baby is enough of an achievement.

I adore my boy. Not because he's a boy per se but because he is mine, and he's funny, and kind and loving. He has personality traits that remind me of dh, My wonderful Dad, and me.

Re-frame that. Just say that you're happy with your family and don't wish to add to it.

I think I felt that I would be devastated if dc2 were a boy. It's how I felt at the time. Although there may have been other emotions getting caught up in eachother at the time. Now my son is here, I'm in danger of favouring him over my girl all the time. Have to watch that. He's so easy to love. I have to work at just getting on with dd.

Serafina - I have 2 ds's and then a dd.

When I found out I was having a boy the first time I was quite shocked as like you felt I 'didn't get boys'. I had an absent father and grew up in a totally female household.

However it just sort of clicks you know and I do think that once you hold that baby in your arms - they just are the perfect baby for you

I have 2 dds then ds

When pg with ds (didn't find out gender) I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I had absolutely no preference

Ds is perfect. But if he had been a dd that would have been perfect, too

Never had a longing for a boy or a girl

I've got two DDs and would love a boy.

Would love three DDs though.

I think there is too much emphasis placed on the 'perfect' family of 1 boy and 1 girl - I have seen/heard loads of comments to parents who have 1 of each gender along the lines of 'ooh well done' (always makes me a bit as it is not as if the parents actually had any influence over it), 'how perfect' etc etc - it seems to me it is generally seen as the 'ultimate' aim.

Not everyone thinks like that and I don't think it is wrong to admit it - I have 2 DS's and to us, that is our 'perfect' family - if we could have chosen, 2 boys is exactly what we would have gone for although we would have been thrilled with whatever we got of course.

No shame in not wanting what is seen as the 'ideal' is there?

I've got two girls. Alaways thought I would have girls so no yearnings at all for boys. All girls in my extended family too, not a nephew or grandson in sight!
Asked hubby if he felt he was missing out not having sons but he loves the fact that he has two Daddy's girls that can wrap him around their little fingers. I do feel for him when we are all hormonal at the same time, he copes very well and keeps a low profile.
My girls ate teenagers now and we do loads together, lunches, shopping, cinema and reading rubbishy magazines. Hubby says he loves to see us laughing together, he says he feels very proud (he is v lovely!)

I have 1 dc -a girl- and have never had any longing for a boy. Had dd been a boy, though, I think I would have tried again for a girl.

sreafinacat 'will be gutted if I'm having a boy' 'i'm just not a fan of boys' NICE

I was just being honest (bit silly of me really) and admitting something that has been playing on my mind for some time notanotter, and I did feel your comments to be overly harsh, and strangely aggressive tbh.

Thanks for the reassurances, it does make me feel better that I'm not the only one to have felt like this, and that it's likely to be an unfounded fear. I have lots of boys in my family and while I do love them dearly, I find their 'boyishness' hard to deal with sometimes and am concerned that I won't be as good a mum to a boy.

My relationship with my dh is the only healthy one I've ever had, and men, and I suppose therefore boys, scare me. My ex h was violent and abusive and I'm acutely aware of the statistics for violence and personality disorders are much higher in males. It's strange, actually I was baffled by how strong my feelings have been about this but this post has helped a lot in unravelling what the heck is going on here.

Thanks again for the kinder responses to what I wrote before.

I have 2 DDs - both times I had a very strong feeling that I was going to have a girl and oddly enough so did my mum - but I didn't care about anything except taht they were healthy, had the right number of arms, legs, heads etc. DH felt the same (though he is of course completely outnumbered)
I will say that having 2 girls 2 years apart and in the same season (winter) has saved me a complete fortune on clothes - those are the practicalities.

When she was in labour with me, my mum screamed at a nurse that she wasn't "going through this for a boy". So no desire for a boy there :) She had 2 girls and was always disappointed that she didn't have a third child because she wanted a shot at a trio of daughters.

Oddly, now she's switched gender preference and is desperate for a grandson "for a change".

Pointythings, I have two summer girls two years apart - it's really practical isn't it!

serafina 'gutted' and 'not a fan of' is a disgusting way for you to describe 51% of the offspring on these boards

sorry if my objecting to this offends you

as a mum of boys and girl this thread has wound me up sadly so

parp

While I feel that 'disgusting' is again a bit strong, I can see how I could have phrased my feelings a bit better notanotter and in hindsight I could have used different words to explain myself, and can understand why this has wound you up. I honestly meant no offence and was just stating in honesty what has been going round my head. My apologies if you found my thoughts offensive.

Just to clarify, I wasn't describing anyone's offspring, just my own feelings (which I do get are irrational). And you objecting didn't offend me, though I admit I did get a bit upset when I read your initial comments. My emotions are all over the place at the moment so I should know better than to post anything remotely contentious on here, as I tend to take things too much to heart and actually care what people think, even anonymous people on the internet. Lesson learned!

Haven't read any other replies except the OP. I have one girl and would definitely struggle if I had either another and it was a boy or if she had been a boy. I much prefer the fairer sex.

I have 4 dd's and we are Ttc again so everyone assumes it must be because we are desperate for a boy, however it's that we would love a 5th child regardless of sex.

Obviously on a practical level a girl would slot in better and I have no experience of boys, I have a brother but he is camper than a row of boy scouts, he always played with our barbies rather than boys toys.

I have one of each. They are equally amazing. What a godawful thread. Makes me very angry, actually.

And actually gets on soapbox I just see them both as my babies. You would never see a thread like this the other way round. I have a feeling I may have started a few threads like this when I found out I was pg with ds. I deplore myself for feeling worried about having a ds now. I am not going to say, 'oh boys are wonderful because of...' or the standard 'but they love their mums' rubbish. Because I now know it's not a boy/girl thing, it's quite simply a mum thing.

But why? why is it godawful to have a preference and be concerned about how you would parent a particular gender? It's no reflection on your DSs that people feel more comfortable with DDs...

I think possibly it irritates me because it's a preference based on absolutely no experience of boys. And as I said, I feel total shame that I felt a little like this when I found out ds was a boy. It just doesn't make any difference.

I'm entitled to my opinion, as is the OP.

But PJ, you've been there. So you know that it's irrational and silly now you've been through it, but at the time it feels very real. Serafina is qualifying not facts about gender, but about her own feelings. She is entitled to those feelings. She did not make a rational and clear decision to feel that way, she experienced life in the way that she did and it has coloured her view of gender.

And you would see a thread like this the other way round.

Here

This thread is a direct copy of another thread (same op) with the gender reversed. The other one was started first. There is another thread running atm with the same theme (gender bias) but with a different title. Who knows, maybe it's Gender Worry Week on MN. Maybe it's Jamie Oliver's fault.

I don't like the derision of any gender. It's unfounded and ridiculous and hurtful. But I do allow that somebody is entitled to their own feelings towards their own situation and it's not for me to judge them. They are what they are. As long as the sweeping 'boys love their Mums more' 'girls are bitchier', 'boys are noisier' crap stays in its box, then it's a valid topic and a common concern.

It would be very good indeed for serafina to have a boy. The ultimate therapy perhaps.