Was it reasonable for the health visitor to laugh when I said I was still bfing my toddler?

[nesomja]

I had the most awful 2 year check for my ds yesterday - large group, personal questions asked publically to everyone (e.g. have you all had smear tests?), organised for every 2 year olds nap time, blah blah blah. Then when we finally did see the HV she actually laughed at me when I said I was still bfing my 26 month old. She said 'this question will sound funny but are you still bfing?'. I said 'oh yes', whereupon she said 'no!, no!, you're not?' and I said 'yes I am' and she just behaved as if she couldn't believe it. I could just see her thinking 'nutty over-involved parent' as she asked 'so you just have one child then?'. Luckily she didn't ask about co-sleeping :)

This whole incident made me feel terrible - she then followed it up by saying I should have started potty training at 18 months and when I said he couldn't sit still for any length of time and showed no signs of readiness suggested I should stop giving him fizzy drinks (he's never had a fizzy drink).

My DH says he doesn't know why I even bothered going but somehow I feel I have to go when I'm asked, but they surprise me every time with how awful they are. Is there any way to challenge this or should I just accept it? I find that I am upset by it and feel judged even though I know I shouldn't. Anyone else had similar experiences?

Find another health visitor.

Oh she was great. Brought up our sex life often. I protested that dh was v happy with our anaemic and stilted efforts. Especially as I insisted on squirting milk in his eye halfway through whilst mooing. She was just such fun but with hindsight, far too easy.

I do recall she took dh to one side once for a 'man to man chat' (her exact words, oh how I snorted with laughter) and begged him to make me stop for everybody's sake.

I last saw her for dd's 2yr check and she was slumped defeated in the corner with her list of inane questions.

Milk?

Yes

Does she, er

Yes

Is that, erm, does she....

I win I think.

at SOH. Why are my HVs neither amusing nor offensive? I have absolutely nothing to say about them.

That is awful, but I am not surprised. All HV I have come across have been awful without exception. I think that they all should be sacked because they don't seem to know much and have opinions about everything. WHO advises women to breastfeed until child is 3 by the way. Potty training at 18 months sounds awfully early. If you have the time and energy I think it would be good to make a written complaint. Personally, I have decided to ignore any invitations and not to see any HV but that is also not everything because they treat you like you are hiding from them.

no, not until 3, until either or both of you are fed up to the back teeth want to stop (pun intended)
unless it's changed - would be interested to know that

and i've seen 2 HVs, one had a slight obsession wth leaving babies to cry but was otherwise fine, the other is lovely.
Both have left - one on LT sick :( the other has a new job

SPB can you message me about the HVs? I saw the notice that one was going to a new job when I was at the Dr yesterday and another saying X would be covering until our HV returns bt I didn't know why she away. Stupid thing to say if she is on LT sick but I hope it isn't too serious even if we dind't exactly see eye to eye.

"Potty training at 18 months sounds awfully early" -

to you perhaps - used to be the average age (and still is in some countries). you can PT from birth if you do EC....

The problems is not the age, but the way the HV said it, there is no should about it.

the whole groups session format was wholly wrong.

the mocking extended BF is wrong.

dikkertjedap- great idea lets sack all the HVs !

Then who will visit the really awful households and work to protect children?

The majority of referrals to social services come from HVs for the under 5s. Ive had 6 children removed this year and 3 pending court cases,mainly for drug addicts with children.Health visiting in inner cities seems very different to what I read on MN.
I dont do developmental checks unless the parent has a concern or I do. Most of my work is with 500 families in refuges,hostels and rough estates. Lots of different needs.

And yes this HV was wrong and a complaint should be made against her. But like all jobs theres good and bad so dont sack us all!

To be honest, I don't see the need to bf at this age. Is the child not eating food? There is no nutritional reason for it, It's clearly more for the mother than the child - a chance to keep them as a baby for as long as possible. I really do not see the point in extended bf at all.

tabletop - does your child just eat and not drink then? Breastmilk is a drink you numpty.

"Breastmilk is a drink"

...I heard it's almost as good as cow milk, too

Heathen I know, who would have thought it?

Just to clarify my earlier post- I was in no way suggesting that potty training at 18 months was bonkers, I'm sure there are many children that may be ready to start then, or earlier. But there are also many children that won't be ready till much later. It was the way in which the HV told the OP she "Should have started at 18 months" that I found objectionable.

Just to big up some HVs - I had ace HVs. All totally interested and supportive about bf. I bf until youngest was 3 1/2.

tabletopbride, isn't it brilliant that in this day and age nobody will be forcing you to bf 'at this age'. Of course we can't stop you forcing your ill-educated opinions on the rest of us, but never mind, hey?

Just in case you are open to the facts... of course it has a nutritional value, yes the benefits continue (to both mother and child actually, I can provide details if you like) and to say it's all about the mother, goodness me. Have you ever tried forcing a child of that age to do something they don't want to? And keeping them a baby? Evidence shows that extended bfing actually nurtures independence.

I expect you're not really interested though.

I BF my toddler for 2 years.. i would have died if HV would have sniggered. Complain! They are supposed to promote it! Thats their job :)

I don't know what it is about HVs. I honestly can't believe you are the first EBFer she has come across...? What's with the faux shock - it is obviously designed to be unprofessional. I would complain, at least in the hope of sparing someone else similar.

Tabletop - does your child drink cow's milk? Do you think that has nutritional value? More than human milk? x a million...

It's awful that you should feel judged by your HV - I'd complain.

showofhands - how does extended bfing nurture independence? That's not meant to be a provocative question - I'm genuinely interested as have not heard that before.

aargh just lost a huge post. Hopefully SoH will answer too, but IMO it allows the child to be in control and wean at a time they choose - aiding independence. I'm not sure about this, although I am still feeding DS each cut down of milk has been at my instigation, most recent been dropping the morning feed a couple of months ago. So I was in control. Maybe it only works if you demand feed, which I wasn't prepared to do.

It may be worth complaining
tbh the fact that she presumes all the 2 yr olds will be having fizzy drinks just shows how crap she probably is!

There aren't many studies, but the ones that have been carried out (Ferguson et al for example, don't have the reference to hand as am in bed with sinusitis, I can find it later if you want) show that children are better socially adjusted, less likely to struggle socially and less likely to exhibit behavioural disorders, the longer they are breastfed.

Children that are allowed to self wean according to their own needs, accept independence more readily than a child who has been prematurely weaned from the breast according to an external timetable.

Of course, weaning is not just a child's choice and should happen to suit the needs of the mother too but to suggest that extended bfing inhibits development into independence or is for the mother only, is actually a load of rubbish both in terms of the evidence and also common sense.

And nutritionally...

In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
◦29% of energy requirements
◦43% of protein requirements
◦36% of calcium requirements
◦75% of vitamin A requirements
◦76% of folate requirements
◦94% of vitamin B12 requirements
◦60% of vitamin C requirements

OP - complain. She sounds rude, ill-informed and just plain unprofessional.

re: independence this is purely anecdotal obviously but DS2 (still BF at 3.3yrs) started preschool recently and told me on his first day to 'go now' while shoving me towards the door .
Obviously a clingy, needy child who lacks conifdence and independence.

Those were bulletpoints, my sneezing blasted them into oblivion.

I don't have the plus 2 years stats on my laptop, they're on the other computer. I am not dragging my mucus-ridden frame that far right now.

Kellymom probably has them. In fact I'm sure they're on there.

WoTmania (I still haven't read the most recent wot, waiting for the paperback, tis very annoying), my 3.5yr old is still bfed. She's thoroughly independent, well-adjusted, off to nursery soon and doesn't give me a backwards glance when left. She's a v confident and happy little girl.