Ever stopped your child going to a friend's house because you just cannot stand the parents?

[Mervynne]

They're not violent
They don't drink
They don't do drugs
The house is safe
The mother is loud and obnoxious
The father is passive and dull
The house is dirty (not untidy, though)
They talk about inappropriate subjects in loud voices
They are rude
They're quite nice to ds, usually
They talk about how their son will most likely get thrown out of school eventually, though

WWYD?

no. not if it is my dc chosen friend. I just turn up quick with the excuse that we have to dash off and disappear home.

I'd offer to have the boys to ours instead.

Wow. That could be me. I'm definitely loud and could be called obnoxious. My husband is quiet and might be seen as passive and dull. My house is generally quite tidy, but don't check for grime/dust or you'll find it! I'm originally from a council estate, so 'poor girl made good' rather than middle class mom.

In fact I'm pretty sure some people have not invited my girl around because of me. I used to get upset when the invites weren't reciprocated, but then I realised that actually, my dd was better than that. She's a good kid and if parents would rather judge other people's parents than the children their kids play with, that's their tough luck.

Wait til your child is at secondary school. Then you won't be able to control his friends. And if he hasn't had exposure to kids from different backgrounds, he may well be drawn to the inappropriate kids rather than the ones he's been engineered to play with all his life.

Your post makes me a bit sad....

But you dont have to be friends with them! There doesn't really seem to be a good enough reason on your list to stop your child from going there, what is it that you actually dislike so much?

Huffy - you could be me! (Except me and dh are the other way round, I'm quiet, dull and wholesome, dh loud and sometimes obnoxious) Numerous times I've strongly suspected people have dropped me after visiting my house.

On one memorable occasion, a work colleague visited with her dd1. She set the table while I cooked lunch, reached into the cutlery draw, pulled out some knives and forks went literally blanched and whispered "but they don't match!". I pointed her to the other cutlery draw which did match but that evidently wasn't good enough. She didn't return my calls after that visit!

Fuck 'em I say. The working classes are far less judgemental

As long as you are not expected to stay and make conversation, and it's convienient, I think you should just let your child go! You don't have to make it a weekly or monthly thing.

No. I don't need to like them as long as my child likes their child.

I just don't want my son hearing people swearing loudly about the teachers (the latest of whom she hasn't even met), slagging off the school, shouting about the reading scheme at the top of her voice - none of these things are perfect but how do kids stand a chance in school if all they hear at home is how shit it is?

Cackling at people who, you know, cook from scratch.
Slagging people who vaccinate their kids, in case hers catches something .
Boasting about how many deaths a 6-yr-old can watch in any given film

I could go on for ages. I can't bear them.
The kid himself is quite sweet! But he talks like the mum and I can't help but feel that's going to hinder him in life

I hardly like any of my children's friends' parents. I don't know what their houses are like because I don't go near them

But, your children's friends are their friends and I don't think you should stand in the way of friendships as long as they are not a detrimental influence on your children.

I am fascinated (and slightly worried): what do you mean when you saay they talk about inappropriate subjects in loud voices?

X posts.

Oh ok, I agree, they sound a bit awful. But maybe they are only saying these things when they know they have an audience. I shouldn't think they would say much to your son as surely he is round to play with their son, not to talk to the parents?

Or have the son round to yours, as someone else suggested.

I don't really want to say, it was quite identifying. It was the sort of thing you might tell your best friend, or the police. You wouldn't shout about it with kids in the next room.

My oldest son has a friend who to be honest, i actually dont like his parents at all.(so i do get where your coming from)
However i think it's maybe a bit too harsh to say he cant go there at all so allow visits and just keep the drop off and pick up conversations very short and that seems to work well for us. Like i said i dont need to be friends with them and it does children good to have a wide variety of friends and experience different home situations.

I think you have to respect your son's chopice of friend
You sound a bit snobby about the parents. Of course you don't have to like them- just have a quick chat and be off.
They are nice to your DS and he likes his friend. The environment is safe and that's all that matters really

Why snobby? I just cannot stand them!

I take the point that he is ds's friend.

It is worrying though.

I tend not to worry about dcs' friends because my take is that dcs are responsible for their own behaviour. They know I would never excuse bad language or poor behaviour on the grounds that they had learnt it from somebody else. They may repeat something unsuitable once, but they won't do it twice . They are going to hear that sort of thing in the shops and on the streets and in the playground anyway, so they have to exercise their own judgment (or live in healthy fear of their mother).