First proper parenting morality dilemma - to grass or not to grass

[pregnabrain]

Hello

dd1 is five years old and just started year one at school.

Yesterday, she told me that she had told a teacher because she had noticed that one of her classmates was behaving unkindly towards another child.

75% of me thinks - good on her for speaking out about something she thought was not right. If she were being bullied, I'd want another child to do the same for her.

25% of me is scared stiff that if she carries on like this (she is always quick to grass other kids up if she thinks they are misbehaving - even good friends!) she will end up making lots of enemies and may become the target of bullies.

Don't know what to do/say to her. Anyone been here with their child of this age??

I think her grassing up someone who is being unkind to another child is a good thing and should be praised. But you might also want to point out that telling tales when someone is a bit naughty and no-one is being hurt or upset or put in danger wouldn't be such a good thing. Not all the time anyway!

But they are all right little tattle-tales at this age, so she's not the slightest bit unusual!

The rule drummed into my dcs at primary school was "you must tell a grownup if you or anybody else is hurt or frightened". I think this was just the right balance.

Agree with AMumInScotland that tale telling at that age is common. One of my children had a bit of a tendency to tell tales at that age, but simply grew out of it (-and never got bullied for it). Don't worry!

Thank you for your messages.

I've become paranoid that I'm doing things differently from everyone else because I haven't drummed the "Don't be a grass" lesson into my children. I've heard mums saying that to their kids on many occasions and am now wondering if that's the norm (and I am weird!).

I think i will start gently highlighting the difference between telling a grown-up if someone is being hurt and just telling a grown-up if someone has been 'naughty'. And leave it at that!

thanks again all

I think Cory's line is a very good one and will endure.

IMHO, the playground taboo on tale telling doesn't kick in until children are a bit older (yr3ish), so I woudn't worry about that aspect yet.