Safe thread for those using Gina Ford/Babywhisperer routines

[MrsGangly]

Can we please have a thread dedicated to those wanting or trying to follow some routine, however strict or vague, rather like the attachment parenting thread, so we can encourage one another and get and offer advice without the bunfight that it invariably turns into from people who don't believe it is the way to go?

As I have said elsewhere, parents parent in different ways depending on them and their child (only have one but I imagine it changes a bit for each one) so let's all respect different people's choices.

If you don't 'approve' or 'believe in' routines and things work for you, that is great, but let's leave this for people who want to use some sort of routine.

Thank you.

The routine thing was vital for me with a usless DH (now ex!) and no family or firends around for support. DD slept the might through from 4 weeks and has continued to be a great sleeper..... It may have nothing to do with having a routine but I do believe in a happy parent = happy child and I needed a routine for my own sanity and a sense of control.

Thnx for the advice fillybuster and teaandcakeplease - and for the hugs! I most likely am overthinking it, filly, it's a nasty tendency of mine .
It's strange, it's all gone so quickly and I do have to keep reminding myself that he is only little still. He's a big boy though, so only little in age!
I'm trying to persist with the routine, but not stress so much about the time of the day and focus more on how much sleep, food and play time he is getting. I'm also trying harder to keep him awake when feeding , which I find VERY hard but definitely helps, and put him down when sleepy. I realise that I do need to work on putting him down drowsy but not asleep - one step at a time though I think!!

jacqs2010: the thing I find frustrating about GF is that she gives very specific times, but not much info if your lo doesn't quite sleep/stay awake as long as she says they should, but it impacts on the rest of the day so quickly! I then get stressed coz it's 12:30pm and he should have been asleep at 12, for example.
You didn't say how old your lo is, and I'm definitely no expert, but GF does change the amount sleep she says "her" babies "need" as they get older. For me (my son is 8 weeks tomorrow), I am trying to stick to the routine GF gives for his age, which means about 4 hours sleep during the day at the moment. But if he seems sleepy I won't keep him awake for longer, I'll just run the rest of the day half an hour late.
Are you just trying to work out the maths of the routine (probably best not to, I think!) or is your lo having trouble with the times?
Good luck!
Kirstie

Thnx also Joan, I am now trying to be a happy medium between gf and my ds!
I agree with Over40, I need some resemblance of a routine for my own sanity and guide ds toward a routine, whatever that may be!

Hi ladies,
I just had to share this story with you:
I went for a follow up session at my public hospital in Melbourne today and after visited the onsite library to see if I could find any Babywhisperer books (or the Wonder Weeks - have any of you heard about/read this?).
When I entered the library all four staff started cooing over my son - hey, he is pretty gorgeous!
But then I asked for the books... Three of them turned away and the other - who had to answer coz she was not behind a desk - said "we don't have those type of books here" and then handed me a position paper on controlled crying...
I was a bit slow on the uptake - I don't get out much these days - and it wasn't until I was in the car that I realised no one even looked up when I left, and that the lady who had "helped" had just ASSUMED she had to warn me about controlled crying when I had never mentioned it at all.
I guess the public don't deserve a complete education and the right to make up their own minds!!

Aargh, it is frustrating when baby think that having a routine = ignoring your baby/leaving them cry hungry etc!

My DS has decided that 10pm is when he goes to sleep, so I have decided to focus on sorting the bedtime routine and then will gradually creep it back to something a bit earlier.

I find that 4 hours in the middle of the day is too long between feeds so I tend to go for 10am (as per GF), midday before his nap, then aiming for 2pm, although he is often awake and needing fed before then.

Wow firefish what a reaction! I've never read GF's book but it seems quite shocking for the staff at the library to all react like that So what books do they have their on routines?

I made my own routine up in the early days as mine didn't fit the books and then as I said by 4 months they both fitted the routine in the book perfectly

• there

good lord firefish! that is absolutely ridiculous.

Re the wonder weeks, i have heard of it and it is on my amazon wish list for when i have a salary again and can afford to buy stuff again (next week, eeek). It is supposed to be brilliant.

I know! I also asked her whether she had read the wonder weeks (coz as far as I know, that's not about controlled crying OR routines) and she described it as propaganda!
I guess it's gov run, and I don't know what it's like in the UK, but here in Australia it is very much baby-led at the moment.
Thanks for letting me know about ur routine, mrs gangly - I think I have to do two feeds/ split feed at 10-12 as well. Oh, and make sure he doesn't sleep feed during the day. I'm pretty sure that's why he doesn't nap well...!
Oh, by the way, I just realised I missed a week in my counting and my ds will be 8 weeks this tues...! So really, he's doing pretty well I think, and so am I! :)

firefish

Both my DD's were 'behind' in the routines, they seemed to need more sleep at the time. No probs I just followed the earlier routine.

I was always happy to put them to bed earlier than the routine suggested (therefore they had more sleep) but I always stuck to the wake-up times. IME having slightly more day sleep for their age wasn't a problem.

My DD's are 4 and 6 now, still excellent sleepers and have always been this way for which I have been very grateful.

Hi everybody, can I join your group please? I'm due tomorrow (so a bit pre emptive I know!) but DH and I have decided that the best thing is to try a routine as soon as possible, more because we literally have NO CLUE how to raise a child, and this way we feel like we are meeting all our ds's needs.

Has anyone tried putting a very young baby into a routine? I have read all the gf books and feel like it's the way forward for us; we are a military family and feel most comfortable in a firm routine. Does anyone have any advice? I'm scared of doing it wrong and making my baby sad and every time I see the mw, she keeps going on and on about baby led routines ad how amazing they are. Is she going to report me to SS or something if I don't choose a baby led routine?

Thankyou in advance xx

jazziejeff first thing to remember is that you cant do it wrong really. it really is impossible to make your baby sad. All your baby wants is to warm, loved and fed. So long as you are ticking those boxes then all will be well.

We started DD on a routine quite early (3-4 weeks i think). It was mildly successful but got much more so later on.

Remember that in the firstly few weeks your little one is going to want to eat alot (am assuming you are planing to BF, if not i apologise) and not necessarily at predictable times. If her hunger doesnt fit in with GF or any other routine dont stress, it is normal and will settle down fairly quickly. just feed her and pick up where you left off.

THe great thing about routines of all types is that generally they preempt the babies needs so you dont wind up with a hungry baby crying for food or sleep etc. If you find however when you are working to a routine that your little one is hungry before you expect it is important that you feed them and not get them to hang on until the next scheduled feed. Responding in this way helps build your babies confidence that you will always respond to their needs and helps stop them escalating their communication iykwim.

As for the midwife, smile and nod politely and then do what your instincts tell you is right for you and your family.

Thankyou sugarplumfairy I was hoping to breast feed and top up using expressed milk/formula at the times gf suggests because that seemed sensible and I'm really paranoid about feeding baby enough lol! A friend recommend it and said her baby was a lot more satisfied when she did that... I'll give it a bash.

I stupidly spoke to the mw about a routine when she told us about baby led routines etc and she just laughed out loud and went 'oh no no NO! You can't force a tiny baby to do what you want, you have to go with what they want...' etc etc etc... Clearly I'm not going to 'force' my baby to do anything! I felt really bad about it, which is ironic since I thought we were all supposed to be about empowering women now :-/

Jazzie I had to hide the GF book when the midwife or HV came around so I didn't get The Look from them.

IME if you are hoping to EBF I'd delay GF for a few weeks. I know that the book starts at week 1 but I don't know anyone who has started this early. Even though I knew that GF was right for me I really wanted to establish BFing first so I pretty much just fed on demand for the first month. I did however not let the baby go for more than 3-4 hours between feeds during the day, this was me hopefully evolving seamlessly into GF after a month or so.

It worked really well for me and I did combine BF and GF successfully and kept my sanity too.

Hi all,

I've had my six-week old baby on a 3 hourly routine since he was a week old and all is going brilliantly. I'm exclusively breastfeeding. The only problem I'm having is that my breasts get engorged at night and incredibly hard (and sometimes painful) by the morning because he feeds much less at night (because he is mostly sleeping, hurray!)

Its getting worse though, as the bigger he is getting the more he eats in the day and less at night.

I feed him from both breasts at 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 7pm. DH feeds him at 11pm with milk I expressed at about 8.30am, and then he wakes up once in the night at about 3.30am but only wants one boob.

I thought we were supposed to produce less milk at night when prolactin levels are highest but this doesn't seem to be the case for me.

I don't really want to express at night, partly because I can't be bothered but also, won't this signal to my brain that it needs to keep on producing at this rate?

Does anybody else have this problem and will my body eventually sync with my baby's feeding times?

thanks all for any advice/suggestions.

Hi all,

I'm a convert to GF for my 2nd baby after demand bf and everything else for my first which I found sooo hard!
And this time with GF's routine for my 2nd sooo much easier!
Not every day works but we try and stick to times and I find that she most days is asleep by 7.

x

Hi all, it's been a while since I last posted. We've been struggling through very short catnaps to try and wean us both off him going to sleep on me.
It is hard, but we are getting there, I think! As a result, I went to more like a 3h bw routine, though I'm not sure he needs to feed that much. He seems to take whatever he's given! I guess we'll keep tweaking until... well, from what I am beginning to discover, forever! At this stage I think it'll be a mix of gf and bw.
Just wanted to say a huge thnx to those that gave me advice and suggestions - i really apreciated it then and now!

Hattieboomboom, I thought ur milk was supposed to adjust within a day or two, in terms of coping with growth spurts, but perhaps u might take a bit longer? Or u may just always produce more than ur baby needs until he/she gets bigger and needs more. Just as with our lo's, every mum is different! (as frustrating as I know that comment is I am coming to accept it!)
Misskaur08: great work! I hope it continues for you, especially with an older child in the mix too!!
Sugarplum, did u end up getting the wonder weeks? I haven't yet!
Have a great weekend al :)

Hi all... Advice needed. DS 2 weeks this week and following GF routine. Day time is pretty good; night time not so much and seems to want to feed on demand. GF leaves no instructions for this; is feeding on demand during the night going to impact on the future of the routine? Or shall I just go with it and wait until he starts sleeping longer stretches?
Many thanks xx

Hi jazzy! Congrats on the birth of your son! I was wondering how you were. I hope you both are well.
In the first 2 weeks I was feeding every 3 - 4 hours, day and night. I had to wake him each time though as we had been advised to complement bf with ff topup. Perhaps your lo needs to feed more during the night? Or needs more at the feeds to help him through the night?
Good luck!
Kirstie

Hi jazzie,
You need to feed your LO during the night. I am sure the GF book that i had said to feed on demand during the night and then start up the routine during the day. I think the idea is that the routine will help you get enough calories into your LO during the day that night feeding will become less and less but at 2 weeks your little one will need to feed during the night for a while yet. HTH.

Firefish, hi! havent managed to get the book yet. Havent had time to do much of anything. I started back to work this week so have been flat out trying to adjust to that and my LO picked up a tummy bug from nursery. Oh the joys!!!

Thanks girls, yesterday we managed every 3-4 hours during the day, then from 12-6 he woke up 4 times only taking little bits every time. Just wondering when he'll carry on the 3-4 hourly feeding pattern during the night, and why he's not at the moment. On day 3 of implementing gf routine... It's so hard! There's so many points During the day when I think 'sod it, I could just let him sleep and enjoy the peace!' someone please tell me it gets better? Xxx

Sugarplum, oh the joys indeed! I can't imagine going back to work yet, i dont think id be much use im so scatter brained, so I really feel for you!
Jazzy, it gets better!! :) but sugarplum is right, gf does say to feed when hungry over night. So... What to do?? maybe also try tuning into his cries - I hope that doesn't offend you, I still get confused with my ds so I definitely don't have the bw knack of knowing exactly what he wants!! But perhaps, if you are feeding him 4 times in 6 hours at night he's not actually hungry? Maybe there is another reason? He misses you, he's wet/dirty, hot, cant get back to sleep (that's our favourite!), wants to suck (dummy?). There is a reason every doctor/nurse gets us to feed after invasive procedures (for eg, tongue tie snip for us) - it is comforting!!
BUT if he is hungry then, I'd keep trying to up the amount you feed him during the day, even if it means feeding more regularly than gf says during the day, or just more each time. HTH!
It does get better!!
:)

Ps: don't forget, only two weeks ago he was in your warm and comfy womb, and could eat and sleep whenever he wanted! There's a lot to learn, for both mum and bub! AND you are doing so well already - he's feeding 3-4h during the day? Well done you two!!

Has anyone tried to implement a routine at a later stage, i.a. at 4 or 5 months old? I have been working on a routine (GF) for DS for over 6 weeks now and seem to be getting nowhere, as he just does not seem to want to take naps.. I am mostly doing shush pat, works sometimes but hasn't most recently..Luckily night times are not too bad, he goes to sleep at 7, wakes between 10 and 11 for his night time feed and then sleeps until between 4 or 5 for quick feed, then until about 6 or 7.

Any success stories out there?

Thanks firefish I've been putting him in hid bouncy chair in the lounge for most of his naps, only putting him in his cot when we go to bed. I was finding I was very very anxious waiting for his next cry up in his room, and he seems to be sleeping better. I'm more relaxed and we seem to be bonding better because I'm not just seeing him when he cries iyswim. Is this ok? Or am I doing it all wrong? I'm following the timings otherwise as closely as I can xxx