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Parenting

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Original poster

Did you bond with you baby straight away ??

83 replies

nutcracker · 02/09/2005 20:18

Me and my mum were discussing this today and I was quite shocked when she said that it was obvious to her that I bonded with Ds instantly but that she hadn't noticed the same thing with the Dd1 and Dd2.

She is right but I can't really explain why.

I think that with Dd1 i felt more shock than anything else, and with Dd2 I had an early delivery, she was in SCBU for 2 weeks and then I had PND.

Think i just feel a bit guilty that someone else noticed and wonder how many other people looked at me with each odf my kids and thought the same.

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pointydog · 06/09/2006 20:26

By 'bond' I take it you mean an overwhelming love?

Dd1 - no, not till about 6 months.
dd2 - can't remember.

I accepted they were mine and was willing to look after them, protective - that's a fairly good bonding. Gradually came to love them to bits as well.

NewTermAtMaloryTowers · 06/09/2006 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oxocube · 06/09/2006 20:47

dc1 about 24 hrs if I'm honest
dc 2 and 3 - instant - knew what to expect.

Am now closest to dc 1, out of my 3 kids, so proves nothing imo

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potoroo · 06/09/2006 22:08

I cried every time I saw a baby born on the Discovery channel, but my first thoughts when DS was born were 'Hmm - you've got really hairy shoulders.' It was surreal.

There was no instant moment - but I love him to bits.

fransmom · 11/09/2006 21:16

i didn't bond straight away either. i remember saying to dd that i'd waited 11yrs for her (since mc). it was a bit of traumatic birth tho - the mw and docs made me lie on bed cos they couldn't hear her heart (it was fine) but they still made me wear that horrible belt and os course i tore badly then. she was 9lb 1/2 oz and me and dp both said to smw "you what?" we even made her weigh dd again just to make sure.

i think i was on a kind of weird auto-pilot for weeks. i knew that i had to look after this baby but because i had looked after other people's children before, i felt like i was babysitting my own daughter. i still sometimes feel like i have trouble bonding wiht her and yes, i do have pnd, but i have trouble bonding with people anyway because i think that when i do i just gonna get hurt - it's a defence mechanism i think. and sometimes i even feel guilty about feeling like that, how am i going to tell her what it's like in the first few days when/if she has her own family? is she going to think less of me then? i dion't think i have even told dp how deeply i felt i winding myself up now

lpl · 12/09/2006 16:14

I have just spoken to a friend of mine who had her first dd last week. She talked of her overwhelming love for her daughter and made her birth sound wonderful. All she kept saying was how happy she was etc. I came off the phone and felt so deflated (and immediately wanted to post on mn !)My ds is 2 next week and whilst I love him to bits now, I do feel rather cheated that I never had those initial feelings of overwhelming love for him. I don't know how long it took me to realise that I adored him but I know it was a few months. I had a traumatic birth and a very long recovery period coupled with problems breastfeeding. I am desperate for another baby but do feel like I am pinning my hopes on my next birth being wonderful and bonding straight away.

mum2monkeys · 12/09/2006 18:32

Great thread NC, has made me feel loads better!

Took 2/3 months to truly bond with DD - felt a bit like I babysitting a devil child and the parents had forgotten to come get her, saying that though was incredibly protective towards her and didn't go anywhere without her for 4mths - then just to corner shop whilst DP stayed with her.

Things have been totally different with DS who was born at 30wks, had an instant rush of affection (although could've been relief that he was alive, had also convinced myself that he was going to look like an alien - he didn't), since then though has been a bit of a roller coaster, did go 'off' him for a bit then re bonded when he came out of incubator, when he came home it was fantastic, DD was wonderful with him, and even seemed to manage ok with the broken nights....

Unfortunately, after 2 weeks at home he had to go back to hospital for a heart op, he came back home on monday and it really does feel like I'm going through the motions, he just doesn't feel like my baby anymore - feel so guilty saying that..... BUT this thread has given me lots of hope and sure this is just a phase, that will pass once I get to know him again

NC I'm sure no one else noticed, just that your Mum knows you better and saw you more with all your LO's

themoon66 · 12/09/2006 19:29

Made me feel much better reading this thread. I've never been the classic maternal type and intended to go through life quite happy and child-free.

When DD was born I think it must have taken me about 6 weeks to actually feel love when I looked at her. Before that I used to just stare at her in her moses basket, think 'what the hell have I done' and weep a lot. My starting to love her coincided with her sleeping through the night.

When I pregnant with DS I remember thinking 'i hope to god it's not a boy, I cannot cope with a boy'. When he was born my first thought was 'shit it's a boy'. I did actually entertain mad ideas of leaving him in the hospital and just doing a runner. It took me about 6 weeks to love him too. But he won me over with his cheeky smile and huge brown eyes and cuddly ways.

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