Not really about me but would appreciate advice

[DDDixon]

An old aquaintance lost her baby at term in horrible circumstances just before I had my baby and I have just found out tonight about a good friend losing a baby due to a serious abnormality.

I feel so sad for them. I have sent my condolences to my friend but didn't really know what to write. I think about the aquaintance a lot and wonder if it would be appropriate to write to her mother, just to say that I often think of the family and that the baby isn't forgotten.

Any thoughts? Thank you for reading.

Yes, write. One of the most horrible things about any bereavement is that no-one says anything or seems to remember it. It's easy to think people just don't care.

Thank you.

I do feel in my heart it's the right thing to do - I was thinking of the family yesterday and it seemed like such a waste of energy almost, that I wish them well so often but it just floats into the ether really. I am going to choose a nice card now and write to the mum.

I do usually get in touch with people who've been bereaved, I just haven't seen this family for such a long time I felt hesitant.

I think that in some ways makes it more special that you take the time. Given that you have some distance. It's not a waste of energy. It's a good thing, the right thing to do.

We are very quick to brush death under the carpet in this country and not acknowledge grief or let people be open about it. The death of a baby is a terrible, terrible thing and people should be upset and it should touch people further away than those directly involved.

The question you should ask is: if the situation was reversed and I received the card from them, would I be thankful that someone cared?

Yeah, I think I probably would.

The "waste of energy" thing was because I do think about the baby, and his family, a lot, but they don't know that, so it seems a waste, does that make sense? I am going to write in a minute, just going to make a cup of tea to fortify myself.

I think I'm going to say that I'm sorry for their loss, referring to the baby by name, and that I often think of them all and wish them well for the future. Do you think that will be ok?

I really appreciate your help, I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it in real life because I just cry and I'm not really a cryer!

Yes, I think what you are planning sounds just right and that bereaved parents and grandparents will appreciate it.

times like these are so, ao hard. firstly congrats on your baby. that too is important.
i think its a very thoughtful thing to do. if you havent been in touch for a long while then you dont know exactly how they are dealing with this so i would definately write to her mother. death of a child will bring out all sorts of unexpected emotions and you obviously dont want them to feel worse by the fact that you have a healthy baby at home with you. i think a letter of condolence would be welcome but its a wise thing to do to send it to her mother to judge when her daughters ready to read it. i wish you and your friends all the best

I think it would be right to send a card, rather than a letter as then they can keep it out if they want to. A photo of flowers or a tranquil scene perhaps.

I've written a few lines in a nice card this afternoon to send to baby's grandma. I feel so sad for them. Thanks for the input, I appreciate it.