Searching for fellow PhD students

[youngblowfish]

Hello,

I find myself badly in need of company as a newly pregnant PhD student. I am about to start my second year and, all being well, I should be 12 weeks by the beginning of October.

Are there any pregnant/parents PhD students out there? I could really do with a thesis writing support thread and it would be lovely to chat to people who are in a similar position.

Hey folks... anyone around. I am not doing very well at the moment.
I handed something in this week (first thing) and got feedback that it was too narrow and missing things out. It's also only one third of the topic areas should cover I feel like I'm just trying to get to my supvisor's amazing level of intelligence and knowledge and will never do it. When I sit down to read / write the next bit I find the enormity of it overwhelming. This morning I was just shaky, panicking and crying. I feel confident with the actual research side of things but this bit is awful. Supervisor is really putting pressure on me now and I'm finding it hard to focus, and don't know how to make more time what with the little ones, mummy guilt, trying to fit in actually seeing friends etc. Beginning to question whether I should be doing this at all and not sure how to cope. Also don't know who to ask as my OH hates seeing me cry and also hasn't done this before so doesn't know what to say. I am having one of those 'I'd rather work in a cafe' weeks. I really miss work and interaction with people!

any words of wisdom... going to try the getting up early plan but er... how to cope with inadequacy and panic?

Hi everyone, I am also a mum trying to write a PhD. Hoping to submit in a couple of months. It is exhausting and painful and sometimes I want to quite even though I am supposedly almost there. I don't have much time to write now (supposed to be working) but I wanted to tell Miffy to hang in there. It is very tough at the beginning especially laying the foundations of your research and supervisors are usually very tough at that stage. But it makes writing up so much easier later on. My supervisor was tough on me for the first year and but i am so glad now because at least I can defend my topic and methodology in a viva.
Best of luck everyone!

Thank you Chaya, much appreciated :-) Hope these last few months are OK for you and you submit when you want to

Hey Miffy - I've not checked in for a while, and just saw your post. Hope you're feeling a little better today? That sounds like an unhelpful meeting with your supervisor. The thing to remember, is that it's not supposed to be as good as something your supervisor would write. You're just learning how to do it. And they - presumably - have years of post-PhD experience. So it's probably not helpful to compare. Think about areas you can improve, maybe - and don't compare yourself to an unattainable idea. Easier said than done, though - I don't know about you, but I feel quite vulnerable intellectually. Even though I've got loads of professional (and personal!) experience, I'm conscious of being v.new to the academic milieu and my confidence is easily knocked. I hope things look a bit brighter this week.

Thanks Dotty, yeah feeling better though wondering if I've got IBS but apart from that actually not feeling the other physical panic symptoms today!

Spoke to supervisor and indicated how I was feeling and they said 'well I was tough on you'... how do I convey that this isn't the best way to make me work!?! I am still grappling with actually finding the time to read everything. It's one thing finding it, but reading it all and making sense of it... gah.... So yes, intellectually vulnerable indeed!

Where are you at with things Dotty?

Wow - glad to have found you all. haven't been on mumsnet for ages. I'm (theoretically) working toward final stages - first draft submission Sept)... but what a trek it is. I have often been told not good enough, re do, to implicit, to broad, to narrow... too..... arrgghh... Been in tears, despaired at my inadequacy, but then a colleague said something to me that made perfect sense to me:- its all down to tenacity and 'stickability'..... so i just keep sticking on at it.....my advice is to stick in there, and when you feel rotten about it, cry/rant to get it out of your system, but then use it as a force to keep going.

Hello Hippyhil - great to hear your thoughts from nearly the other end of the process. I'm feeling a bit stressed about it all at the moment as in the next two weeks have two pieces of freelance work to finish, everything to prepare for my APG/conversion of status (report, presentation, viva) and a large piece of paid research work I'm doing for one of the academics in my department, and which I really want to do a good job of, in the hope it might help raise my profile etc. But once all that lot's out of the way and assuming I'm still standing and sane, things should calm down a bit. And my DD2 will be at school in September, so will have more child-free time (am theoretically full time but doing it with 3.5 days childcare, and work on the side. Put like that, I realise how ill-advised that is...). And am going to say no to more freelance work unless it's too good to refuse. It's all been too much and I don't want just to 'get by' next year, but really get my teeth into it. Onwards and upwards - report to write...

Just about to go on my third maternity leave since starting my PhD. Will be taking a year's leave, and then hope to finish PhD in a year and a bit from then. I think by the time I (hopefully) finish, I will be eligible for some sort of trophy. It is hard work, but I hope to get there in the end! Great to see so many others combining kids and PhD. Most of my work is from home which helps - I find it increasingly tricky to attend seminars and training sessions now.

Hi Wolfhound. Wow - three. Still think about having a third child a lot, but it's getting to be now or never (I'm 38 and my older DD is about to turn 6), and I wonder if babybrain and tiredness would just ruin the PhD experience for me, if I took time off mid way through, and I'd end up seeing the PhD as a bit of a wasted opportunity. So hard to juggle!

Hi Wolfhound, I have had three during my PhD and have just submitted! Definitely should get a trophy for dogged perserverance! I am part-time so had alot of the lab work done prior to DD1 arriving. Then I had twins 12 months later (oops). Never thought I would get it done, but I was too close not to try to finish. The worst part is getting back into the discipline of studying after taking time out, for me just 4 months after delivering the twins. Snatching time in the evenings is key for me. Supervisions via skype link is great so no travelling/childcare. I pay for one afternoon a week for childcare and it costs alot! I would love more but finances cannot stretch. Now I am waiting for my viva, so the game is not won yet. My babybrain worries me trying to remember all the references etc, arghh! Keep at it if you can.

dotty2 - hello! I am 40 so it's definitely not too late. it is hard juggling i agree, and depends on how much support you have, so a big decision. tiredness definitely a factor - feel i am working rather slowly at the moment, hoping it will gear up once i'm not pg any more...

2plus1 - wow, respect, very impressed, and you have submitted! Hopefully soon you will be Dr 2plus1 :) Really hard work. I find it difficult to work in the evening, because i just fall asleep by about 8pm. Luckily have family support to help. Good luck with the viva - you are proof to me that it is all possible!

Hallo! I'm doing minor revisions to my PhD thesis at the moment with a nearly 3-month old. Had my viva back in October, and already missed the first (and second extended) corrections deadline what with being pregnant, teaching and all. Now I have a plan and 36 days left. So hard to snatch time to work on it. By the way youngblowfish, do you know the postgraduate forum website? Great for writing support.

Do you have the web address for the forum? I need some support with writing!
My aim is to finish transcribing 19 interviews in June and methodology chapter is due in July plus of course analysis needs to be done and I need to revise the theoretical underpinnings..... Arghhhh

Hi all,

I just stumbled along this thread. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and coming towards end of first year of my phd. Funded and will get some mat leave through that. Wondering though about help with child care costs when I get back to studying. Am I right in thinking that we don't qualify for the child care element of wtc because of it not counting ad 'work'?

Is there any other help we can get?

Just trying to figure it all out!

Hi

I had dd half way through my phd, she's 18 months now and I have about 8-10 months left full time...

Childcare ia a huge problem, we have dd in nursery 2 half days and 1 full day and dh is supposed to look after her 2 half days which in theory gives me 3 full days to work and then I squeeze the rest around her and dhs shifts and ds (11)....

No help for childcare I'm afraid, like you say they don't class it as a job.... But you can apply to your uni hardship fund and there is an organisation called funds for graduate women who you can apply to for additional support... Google them and check website for forms and deadlines!

Good luck!!

Atwaroverscrabble thanks so much for getting back to me! Appreciate it. I'd been thinking - it'll be ok, we will get some help but then I realised maybe not!

V impressed that you are managing to carry on full-time and be a mum! I thought I would just have to go to pt. My family far away and my partner and I not well up so going to be v hard to finance it all.

I'm still excited regardless!

Due December and got first scan in just over a week.
Nervous about telling my supervisors as can imagine they will be a little shocked!

How do you find it juggling work and parenting? I'm so used to being 100% focused on my studies imagining I might find it tricky

It's hard..... The data collection was hardest as I had to meet people and my husbands shifts and nursery didn't always fit in... I also had to really argue to get dd into nursery as dh thought we could cope without but I clearly couldn't!

It's really hard to get long chunks of time to write but I am getting there, I have had a few nights working until 2 but then dd waking at 6 and of course dd has not yet slept through the night past 5/6 (until recently still waking 2-3 times a night!) whereas ds slept through from 3 months!! Luckily ds is getting more independent and so I can let him get on with things a few times....

It's a case of juggling and organising like mad! I'm using the flylady site to keep on top of housework too!

Congrats on the baby btw! Your supervisors will be fine, I was dreading it too but loads of people do a phd with babies! What area is your phd in?

Sounds like you manage it really well. Can imagine how hard the data collection stage must have been. But lots of juggling, late nights and sauté ing in work time when you can all sounds v sensible!

My phd is in social policy. I've nearly finished the first year an so will be almost half way when I have it! ! Still feels a little unreal.

I had thought of waiting to ttc until I'd finished my phd but knew there wOuld be then something else - getting a job, a permanent contract - and decided I didn't want to wait!

What area are you studying in? And what are your hopes on finishing?

Good luck with it all! It's so reassuring to see how many women like you are out there who do manage to do both. I know some of my peer group will think im mad when I tell them!

I'm in psychology with a slant on palliative care... And fingers crossed I am due to have a complete draft by end of dec/jan and hope to submit and have viva etc by next Easter.... My next chapter submission will tell me how realistic my dates are!

I'm also doing some a level marking this summer so that money will go straight to Childcare but also means about a week or two out of the loop although I am planning on mainly transcribing this month so it will be a welcome break!!

I think one of the hardest things for me is envy of those with no children/responsibilities being able to work when they like, socialise and just head off to conferences here and there! But then apparently those of us with kids doing it are more productive in the time we have available and it shows future employers dedication and other skills like organisation and time management!

It's also pretty flexible which is great with kids, having time off when you need it I alot easier!

Good luck with your next chapter then - it sounds like you are now in the final straits - exciting!

I think I have been one of those responsibilities free students for so long that it will take quite some doing to readjust to a whole new way of life. Still, I'm sure it will all be worth it and I'm still in disbelief that I'm actually pregnant.

Got first scan Tuesday so feeling excited but nervous

Ruthie - how was the scan? Hope all's well.

And how's everyone else doing? I had my confirmation of status viva last week, which went OK and they told me I'd passed, though still waiting full report. I have been planning to take a few days off once that was out of the way, and have a list of jobs I've been putting off until now as long as your arm. But now the reality bites, I find myself strangely reluctant to mow the lawn and polish the kitchen floor. I much prefer being a student to a proud housewife (tho no disrespect intended to people with manicured lawns and shiny kitchen floors). Off I go...

Well done Dotty! we have an 'upgrade' thing that has to be done by the beginning of .year two. I have done two parts of it (ethics and a conference presentation about my work) and the remaining bit - a 10,000 lit review - has to be submitted by the end of September, which I'm hopeful I can do so fingers crossed I'll be in line for the mini viva thing they give you in October. Eep.

How long was yours? what sort of questions did they ask?

As for how I'm doing generally - well, having some time off and a couple one f opportunities to meet up with other PhD-ers in the uni has done wonders for my state of mind. Oh and got postiive feedback on what I have submitted so far so generally feeling MUCH better than I was a few weeks ago. Thankfully, as I was contemplating getting pregnant again to get out of doing a PhD... what kind of warped logic is that?!!!!

Dotty2 - thanks for asking about the scan. It went fine. I was really scared, worried before that it would pick up problems but all went well. An incredible moment seeing the heart beat for the first time (but scary too)

Well done on the confirmation of status viva thing. They're hard work, so it must feel great to have it over and done with. And miffytastic, good luck with the rest of your upgrade.

I had my official upgrade last month. It was tricky and the mini viva I found quite intimidating (particularly as had morning sickness and felt rather emotional!!) but definitely a positive experience overall

Hello everyone. And congrats on good news at the scan, Ruthie - they are nerve-wracking. I can never understand people who swan into them blithely assuming that everything will be fine. But Miffy - remind yourself that another child is not the easier option! (she says, though actually being v tempted in that direction herself...But that's another story.)

My upgrade involved a presentation to the rest of the students - 20 minutes, with 10 minutes of questions, and a good discussion, but a fairly easy ride. Then I had to write a 3000 paper, basically setting what I'd done in context (but not a full lit review) and outlining next steps in more detail. Then a viva with a panel of 3 - my second supervisor and two others from the department. The viva was only about 30-40 minutes and was pretty non-threatening and friendly. I felt a bit put on the spot in terms of my intellectual framework and what kind of thesis I wanted to write (I'm in a profession-related discipline, so questions around whether and how I hoped it might influence practice). I knew this was a weakness in my work so far - I don't really have an intellectual framework yet, but the focus was certainly on helping me see what I might do next, rather than picking holes in what I'd already done. However, I do have an exceptionally friendly and supportive department so that might not be typical. And that said, two people in my year did get their probation period extended as it was felt they hadn't made sufficient progress, so it's clearly not a complete formality.

Onwards - just need to get the rest of this week's jobs done so that I can get right back into it on Monday.

Golly! dotty it sounds like your upgrade process was fairly intense. Congrats for getting through it! Mine was a bit more traditional I think - a panel of three who had read through a full literature review and related submissions (a methods chapter, ethics form etc) and who then grilled me on what I was doing and why.

It lasted about 50 minutes and was pretty ok, though perhaps a little bit more combative than I'd imagined. Still, it felt quite good to defend my positions and approach and made me realise that I really believe in what I am doing and why - which is excitiing!!

Anyway, talking of work, I'd better get on with it! Hope everyone's studies are going well.

This week for me has included telling my supervisors about the preg. They were pretty supportive and pleased though one of the first comments of one was 'there goes my avverage completion rate' which I thought was a bit harsh!!