Saw a baby being force fed earlier. I felt close to tears. Awful to watch.

[princessProudmel]

I know some of you will say 'mind your own business' but this was really awful to see.

I was at the local farm. In the soft play with my baby. At a table near to me a lady was feeding a baby. He looked about 9/10 months old. Think it was beans from her jacket potato. She was spooning it in for him. Some mouthfulls he was taking fine. But she was also poking it in when he was clamping his mouth shut, turning his face away and pushing her hand away with his little hand.

She continued trying to get the spoon in his mmouth. Then she actually held his arm down with her hand so he couldn't try and stop her. I wanted to go over and say something like 'surely he's telling you he doesn't want anymore'

After that she was flapping a napkin in his face to distract him so she could get some more food in.

Then she tipped his head back and held his forehead and spooned more in. I was close to tears for this poor boy.

Thankfully after that she stopped and ate her lunch and he had some cheddars to feed himself from his highchair , and drunk his drink, feeding himself. He looked much happier.

Then I saw him playing in the soft play and was happy.

Anyway I know I am probably judging but imo there was no justification for this treatment. Not sure why I'm posting, maybe to see if others would feel sad about like this I did. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive....

I think it's very disrespectful of a child to shove a spoon into their mouth when they open it to eat something else.

I'd rather my child ate nothing but breadsticks than had pasta inserted into their mouth to make me feel better.

I think pushing a child's head back by the forehead and forcing their mouth open so that you can shove food down their throat while their neck is extended is abusive, yes.

Maybe the child didn't cry because he was used to the abuse, but that doesn't really make it any better in my eyes.

OnEdge
If I thought my child was dangerously dehydtrated then Yes I would gladly force a drink into her, because that would stop her getting dangerously ill wouldnt it.
I must say that I find the idea that my 2yo knows more about what she should eat than I do, hilarious. I dont force feed my child but nor do I think she is an expert on what is right for her.
I still think comparing an adult to a child is ridiculous.

There are some days when my 20 month old wants to eat hardly anything, and others when she eats and eats.

We're lucky, I think, in that she's always (save for a couple of months immediately after she started crawling/pulling up) been 50%ile weight and height, so it's easy for me to relax about this stuff.

But still, I feel absolutely that it's up to her. Sure, I don't let her choose what she wants to eat, in the sense that I'll let her refuse dinner and eat chocolate buttons. But I absolutely let her choose whether to eat what's offered or not, and I have since she started on solids (yes, BLW). No child ever voluntarily starved to death. Ever. It doesn't happen. Mine's gone days and days without eating more than a couple of bites, but she's stuck to the same weight percentile, and she's clearly healthy and happy.

All this "my child doesn't know what's good for her" - right, but nobody's saying that you should let your child eat unlimited crap (in my daughter's case, olives) they;re saying you offer your child nutritious food, and let it decide whether to eat it.

I have this argument with my in-laws during every visit - my GMIL adds sugar, mushes things up, spoonfeeds, distracts with toys and tricks my daughter into eating. And clearly thinks I'm neglectful for handing her a piece of toast instead. Drives me INSANE.

Blimey, where would we all be without Gill Rapley... 'abusing' our kids, I guess!

I have nothing against BLW, I'm even thinking of trying it with DD2 as I figure it might be easier to just let her eat the same as my toddler. But why does it make people so preachy and judgmental??

Skidoodly, I personally would not be happy with my child eating nothing but breadsticks, and I didn't cajole her into eating pasta to make ME feel better, it was so she had something nutritious inside her. And she is now a happy healthy 2 year old who eats well so it clearly didn't scar her for life!

"I must say that I find the idea that my 2yo knows more about what she should eat than I do, hilarious."

I don't think my 2yo knows more about what she should eat than I do.

I know far more about what is good for her than she does.

But she's her own person, and as daft as she is, she's also intelligent and sensitive and entitled to make decisions about her own body. They include how much and whether she eats (and what she eats within certain limits).

I know she would be better off if she ate like her cousin (a wonderful eater, who loves his food), but she doesn't and I can't make her. I'm working with her to get her to eat as well as I can.

I completely understand parents who don't want to do it that way. I disagree with the ways they do things, but my feelings about it are completely subjective and I recognise that.

However, I do think that forcing food down somebody's throad, or force feeding them is just wrong. Not "I wouldn't do it" wrong, but "nobody should do it" wrong.

Squeezy of course you didn't scar her for life.

Can't you see the difference between what you did and what the OP described?

I wouldn't do what you did, you wouldn't do what I did.

But I'm wouldn't defend somebody who didn't offer their child any food and let them go hungry, and that to me is the equivalent (on my end of the weaning spectrum) of using physical force to get food down their throat.

Force feeding is an ethical issue - a complicated one at that. Even babies and toddlers need to be considered as people when thinking through the rights and wrongs of it.

Although I agree that it is not sensible to think they should be treated in the same way as adults.

I hope that is clearer.

'England It is soooo obvious that you will mess up someones appetite if you insist that they finish what is on their plate.'

No, it isn't.

to claim a parent doesn't get a fair idea of how much is about right (when they get the meals every day!) is daft IMO.

if one day hey go slow..the next day less food. not rocket science?

Yes of course it was not a nice way to feed a baby, but it was healthy warm food. I am sure she wanted to get him to eat something healthy before she could allow him to feed himself junk food. We all know baies and kids, if allowed would eat a lot of junk. Strawberries are healthy and my kids loves them but if I make them choose between strawberries and crisps, they will choose the crisps. So, baked beans would not stand a chance.
As for allowing im to feed himself, c'mon, baked beans? in the hands of a baby? on a day out? .... Looks like mess to me!

PrincessProudmel, you should have gone to her table and offer to help, offer company or a chat or something. Clearily she was on the verge of loosing it.

Sweet Alice she did not seem on the 'verge of losing it' atall. She seemed perfectly fine (yes I know she may have been feeling different inside from how she looked to an outsider.)In fact if anything she looked bored.

I imagine she would have thought I was very interfering if I offered to help! She clearly didn't look like she wanted help.

Yes maybe I could have started chatting general chit chat about her baby but tbh I was so upset with what I saw that I wasn't in a 'hey lets make friends' mood. It didn't occur to me. If I see her there again maybe I will. Maybe if I had she wouldn't have tipped his head back to get that last spoonful in..

Oh and I'd let my ds (9m) eat baked beans by himself whilst out. He makes a mess whatever he eats. I just clean him and the floor/ highchair after we're done.

Good for you princessProudnel! Aren't you tired?

Please tell me I am not the only person here who wouldn't refer to beans as healthy and nutritious? I know they're not all that bad but they do contain a fair bit of salt and fructose syrup.
Really not worth forcing down a babies food! Would have left him with the mini cheddars if i hadn't thought to bring some decent food out with me ....

Surely she could of bought him some healthy finger food to feed himself.

It is not unreasonable to compare a baby to an adult! It is like comparing a kitten to a cat or a puppy to a dog ..... the baby is going to be an adult one day and all his experiences are going to effect him in later life! And being force fed is a NEGATIVE experience if the baby found it distressing. Negative experiences with food will quite possibly equal problems with food in later life!

The fact the baby did not cry quite possibly means it is used to being force fed food! As haing food rammed into your shut mouth is a distressing experience by all accounts no matter what age you are.

I would never do this to my baby as I want him to feel he can trust me I don't want him to get scared of me feeding him. If the baby had weight issues etc I would of gone to the doctor, who I ca gaurantee would not tell you ram the food into his closed mouth.

Really not worth forcing down a babies throat*

Stottiecake, what you said reminded me of the time I attempted to watch the original film about the life of Helen Keller. There was a scene where her caretaker was trying to force feed her. I was so upset by it, I couldn't watch the rest of the film.