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Parenting

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Original poster

Saw a baby being force fed earlier. I felt close to tears. Awful to watch.

138 replies

princessProudmel · 02/08/2010 20:22

I know some of you will say 'mind your own business' but this was really awful to see.

I was at the local farm. In the soft play with my baby. At a table near to me a lady was feeding a baby. He looked about 9/10 months old. Think it was beans from her jacket potato. She was spooning it in for him. Some mouthfulls he was taking fine. But she was also poking it in when he was clamping his mouth shut, turning his face away and pushing her hand away with his little hand.

She continued trying to get the spoon in his mmouth. Then she actually held his arm down with her hand so he couldn't try and stop her. I wanted to go over and say something like 'surely he's telling you he doesn't want anymore'

After that she was flapping a napkin in his face to distract him so she could get some more food in.

Then she tipped his head back and held his forehead and spooned more in. I was close to tears for this poor boy.

Thankfully after that she stopped and ate her lunch and he had some cheddars to feed himself from his highchair , and drunk his drink, feeding himself. He looked much happier.

Then I saw him playing in the soft play and was happy.

Anyway I know I am probably judging but imo there was no justification for this treatment. Not sure why I'm posting, maybe to see if others would feel sad about like this I did. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive....

OP posts:

SirBoobAlot · 02/08/2010 22:35

Aside from tipping his head back (which, tbh, I'm not sure I believe - either you are exaggerating, or you saw it wrong IMO), that sounds like an average meal here. DS gets distracted and bored and pushes away spoonfuls at times because he has realised he can. So I either hold his arm down for a few seconds, or give him a toy to hold.

Sometimes he will clamp his mouth shut after a single spoonful, again, because he can, when we both know he is hungry. So I have to poke his mouth, or pretend to eat it, or make him laugh so his mouth opens! And then as soon as he has had a spoonful he realises he is hungry, and its food time, and he'll eat happily for a bit until something distracts him, and we go round in a circle again.

I'm relieved for the other mothers sake that you didn't say anything. You're being very judgemental.

Original poster

princessProudmel · 02/08/2010 22:38

Sirboob I can assure you that I did see that.
I know what I saw. I was sitting a few feet a away from her. Nobody was blocking my view.

That was why I felt so shocked. It was not an 'average' thing for me to see.

OP posts:

Al1son · 02/08/2010 22:46

This seems to be the night to accuse posters of lying on MN and it is very insulting and unnecessary. I can't imagine why you would do that OP and I'm sure others believe you.

Some people get very very wound up about their children's eating. Let's hope that she finds a way to make eating a more relaxed experience for her little one soon.

SirBoobAlot · 02/08/2010 22:48

I didn't say she was lying, just said that I didn't believe her version of events. Simply because no sane individual would do that to a child, surely?

Al1son · 02/08/2010 22:50

Isn't that the whole reason she's posted?

pastapestofor6 · 02/08/2010 22:56

agree its awful but am really worried about baked beans butter and cheddars in one sitting! salt OVERLOAD!

Al1son · 02/08/2010 22:59

It is rather a lot of salt for such a little one. Let's hope he had a big drink.

skidoodly · 02/08/2010 23:00

SirBoob that was my initial reaction too.

But have you read the whole thread because a few posters have defended what the op saw. The phrase "no-nonsense spoon feeding" was used.

skidoodly · 02/08/2010 23:03

Is there a lot of salt in cheddar?

I thought cheese was good at that age?

OnEdge · 02/08/2010 23:03

Princessproudmel I would have been sad to have watched that too, I can totally see your point, its abusive forcing a spoon into a babies mouth. I think they are the ones more likely to end up obese because they wont learn to recognise when they are full because mother forces more down.

I reckon these Mums are the same type as say "Finish what is on your plate" that is asking for obesity IMO.

I did BLW by accident because my son used to clamp his mouth shut. I wasn't going to force it in so I left his food in front of him and he ate what he wanted. It wasn't crap, it was the same food just not pureed.

LaDiDaDi · 02/08/2010 23:12

What a bizarre thread.

I believe the OP and I think it's an awful way to feed a baby.

As for the "blw means that your baby eats crap and never sleeps" brigade, your baby only eats crap if that's what you give them. I wouldn't force feed ds, nor would I give him cheddars; it's not one or the other.

pastapestofor6 · 02/08/2010 23:18

skidoodly cheddars as in mini cheesy biscuits!, not cheddar cheese

BertieBotts · 02/08/2010 23:20

I can believe it I saw someone force feeding a 4 month old with a bottle once. It was horrible, he held his head still at the neck with one hand and forced the bottle into the baby's mouth with the other, the poor baby was spluttering and crying and I stuck around just long enough to check he wasn't going to choke and then made my excuses and moved away because it was just too upsetting (It was a friend of XP's so not a random stranger)

Sadly there are people who think that a baby can be this manipulative.

And yes very different from e.g. jiggling a bottle/blowing on a baby's face to get them to take the last oz, or "here comes the aeroplane" or holding their arms down to avoid mess. That isn't force feeding. What the OP describes is, and maybe it's not in the same league as some other terrible things that happen but does that mean it doesn't matter at all?

OnEdge · 02/08/2010 23:27

Ladidadi I agree this is a bizarre thread, this was the thing that baffled me.

"op- this sounds pretty minor to me. you want to come round our way and see people slapping their toddlers in Morrison's- you'd spontaneously combust"

WTF ??

skidoodly · 02/08/2010 23:44

Bertie what do you mean manipulative? Surely the objection is that the baby is being unco-operative?

There are a lot of people who don't think it's OK not to like certain foods and who don't think babies and children should be allowed to have preferences.

Igglybuff · 03/08/2010 07:32

princess what a sad story.

I think it's terrible that people treat their babies like machines that have to be tanked up/stuffed with food etc etc in order to get a particular output (i.e. sleep through the night).

I use a mix of finger foods and spooning to feed DS. Some days, he doesn't want to eat much. I probably could force him but as he has reflux I don't want him to have any feeding aversions. I'm also concerned about the obesity crisis and strongly believe that is because people shovel food in their babies mouths too quickly, never given them the chance to realise when they're full until it's too late (if I eat my food slowly, I'll get full on less than if I shovel it in and end up stuffed).

I've read that babies are incredibly clever about knowing when they've had enough. There's an interesting study being done on babies in Bradford which is looking at this sort of thing.

skidoodly · 03/08/2010 07:58

I don't think it's fair to characterise this kind of thing as being about selfish parents who just want a night's sleep.

Waking up hungry in the night is not fun and I can quite understand why a parent would want to make sure their baby was getting enough to eat.

I am probably on one end of the scale in terms of offering food and leaving it up to the child whether to eat it, but I see nothing wrong with thinking that it is up to the mother to make sure the baby eats what they consider to be enough for their nutritional needs.

But pushing someone's head back so their neck is extended and then forcing a spoon full of food into their mouth (and effectively down their throat) is not OK.

Persuade your baby to eat if that's what you think is best for them. Forcefeeding is another thing entirely.

misdee · 03/08/2010 08:09

i wouldnt do what the OP saw, but i do have to encourgae dd4 to eat. she lost a serious amount of weight a year ago. she had lovely chubby cheeks though, and when dressed you wouldnt have thought anything about it. baked beans are a good source of calcium and the thing i would encourage dd4 to eat more off when eating out. she has multiple allergies.

dd4 after dropping weight

dd4 eating her fave salty crisps

eatingforthree · 03/08/2010 08:32

I 'encourage' my ds3 to eat too. He is seriously underweight but his development delay makes him look like a normal baby rather than a skinny toddler. My has stuff mixed in with his food to boost the calorie content and I'm not above waving a napkin in his face to distract him into taking another mouthful. He has slepy 12-13 hours at night for the last 10 months so I don't encourage him to eat for that reason.

Igglybuff · 03/08/2010 09:17

skidoodly it was some of the comments about BLW and not sleeping well at night that made me type that post.

I know it's no fun having night wakings - my DS still does this at 10 months old. I am Tired. However, he doesn't like big meals so I can't force him. I had to take a long hard look at myself recently as was getting upset at him not "finishing" his meals. But if I pushed it, he'd end up being sick a bit afterwards. So I stopped doing that and let him take the lead. He actually prefers to snack in the day and isn't comfy with a full tummy (probably because of the reflux).
DS also lost weight which freaked me out - but that was because I'd tried to cut out his night feeds and he wasn't taking more in the day to compensate. So I let him feed more at night and he's fine now. His night sleep is improving but he doesn't always wake with hunger!

Mindy1 · 03/08/2010 11:23

THis is just bizarre. She fed him beans and chedder and a drink, brought him to a farm to play and he was happy and you think she is a bad Mum. I have had to resort to distraction etc to get my DD to eat so I can sympathise.
To me this is just terribly judgemental. Consider that you may not be perfect and that you will do things that other people tut tut over. Just hopefully they wont post on mumsnet!

EnglandAllenPoe · 03/08/2010 11:32

Princessproudmel I would have been sad to have watched that too, I can totally see your point, its abusive forcing a spoon into a babies mouth. I think they are the ones more likely to end up obese because they wont learn to recognise when they are full because mother forces more down.

I reckon these Mums are the same type as say "Finish what is on your plate" that is asking for obesity IMO

Utter load of unsubstantiated crap.

finish your food = old school parenting
obesity = a new problem.

and please don't use the word 'abusive' - get some perspective.

Original poster

princessProudmel · 03/08/2010 12:00

EnglandAllenPoe I did not use the word abusive.

OP posts:

mendipgirl · 03/08/2010 12:12

i have a 20month old DD that sometimes I force a spoon in her mouth because she takes one look at her plate and refuses to eat it to the point of crying and pushing it away, but I know she has eaten it before and likes it so I push the spoon in her mouth and then she tastes it and then stops crying anf eats the whole plate. I don't like doing it but I don't think I am doing anything wrong, she is just going through a bit of a phase of not liking things on sight and if I let her get away with it all she will eat will be bananas and yoghurt! I'm not encouraging her to overeat or anything and if you saw me do it (probably wouldn't in public anyway) you would think I am a terrible Mum for force feeding a crying baby, but I know I am not hurting her. This baby wasn't crying so I think you are overreacting.

londonlottie · 03/08/2010 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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