Saw a baby being force fed earlier. I felt close to tears. Awful to watch.

[princessProudmel]

I know some of you will say 'mind your own business' but this was really awful to see.

I was at the local farm. In the soft play with my baby. At a table near to me a lady was feeding a baby. He looked about 9/10 months old. Think it was beans from her jacket potato. She was spooning it in for him. Some mouthfulls he was taking fine. But she was also poking it in when he was clamping his mouth shut, turning his face away and pushing her hand away with his little hand.

She continued trying to get the spoon in his mmouth. Then she actually held his arm down with her hand so he couldn't try and stop her. I wanted to go over and say something like 'surely he's telling you he doesn't want anymore'

After that she was flapping a napkin in his face to distract him so she could get some more food in.

Then she tipped his head back and held his forehead and spooned more in. I was close to tears for this poor boy.

Thankfully after that she stopped and ate her lunch and he had some cheddars to feed himself from his highchair , and drunk his drink, feeding himself. He looked much happier.

Then I saw him playing in the soft play and was happy.

Anyway I know I am probably judging but imo there was no justification for this treatment. Not sure why I'm posting, maybe to see if others would feel sad about like this I did. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive....

She could have been feeding him manna from heaven for all I care, there's no need to force a spoon down someone's throat.

England why should you/me/any baby have to finish everything on the plate?? I never understood that mentality. If you're full, you're full.

From Princessmels original post:

'Some mouthfulls he was taking fine. But she was also poking it in when he was clamping his mouth shut, turning his face away and pushing her hand away with his little hand.'

'Then she actually held his arm down with her hand so he couldn't try and stop'

'Then she tipped his head back and held his forehead and spooned more in.'

How shocked would we be if someone had been doing this to a vulnerable adult - a person with learning disabilities or an elderly person.
Why is it 'ok' to force feed a baby and not an adult?

Just a thought.

You don't have to be full to not want food though, surely?

What's so wrong with not finding something palatable or preferring to do something else?

England why should you/me/any baby have to finish everything on the plate?? I never understood that mentality. If you're full, you're full.

any proven link with obesity though? NO. Any evidence on that count? None.

and i generally find my 'full' child can vanish a bit of ice cream after her dinner....

do what you like with your own kids. I find 'finish dinner then...' works small wonders

Quite skidoodly.

England yes I will do what I like with my DC. You don't know if there's a link to obesity and neither do I. However, I like to take a relaxed approach to food - as long as they're eating enough, there's no need for them to finish a plate just so they can get a bit of dessert.

Whats with the 'I feel sad' when someone doesnt rear the child the exact way I am nonsense about?
So Londonlottie and others are you 'sad' when someone dresses a baby in lets say jeans cos you dont like them.
Are you 'sad' when someone uses a strong tone to reprimand their child. I am sad when I see a child neglected (no food, not properly clothed, not attention/love) but I am not 'sad' when a Mum feeds her baby in a different way to me.

Get over yourselves. You are not all that. Wait till your kids have reached adulthood before you pat yourselves on your backs!

Feeling sad for another child isn't about a parent doing things differently. It's about having empathy for a child being unnecessarily mistreated. It's one thing to reprimand a child, quite another to force a spoon in it's mouth by holding it.

Ridiculous.

Mindy, lots of parenting choices are just choices - it doesn't matter whether you dress your child a certain way or whether you blw or spoonfeed.

I feel sad when I see someone swearing at their child or smacking them though. I'd feel sad seeing someone force feeding a child too. It's damaging and unnecessary.

England It is soooo obvious that you will mess up someones appetite if you insist that they finish what is on their plate.

YOU put the food on the plate, how do you know how hungry thay are?

When I plate my own food up I am guaging how hungry I am and put that amount on it. How can i do that for another person? And what are the chances of being acurate.

I allow my family to dish up their own food and if they want to leave some - no problem.

I am a nurse and if I was helping a vulnerable person to eat their food, and forced the spoon into their mouth I would get struck off. So why is it OK to do it to a child?

I think IS abusive to force a spoon into a person's mouth, their age is irrelevant.

If they don't want it, THEY DON'T FUCKING WANT IT. How arrogant to presume you know better ! Would you like it if someone forced a spoon into YOUR mouth?

I am relieved that there are other people, who also feel that force feeding is not ok.

Even at a young age babies are capable of letting their grown up/carer know that they don't want to eat anymore.

Mindy1 I was sad. I was sad as he had no control over what was happening to him. It was shocking and upsetting. I would hate that to have happened to me.

Babies are just that - babies. My DD often instinctively says NO to food when she hasnt eaten all day and hasnt even tasted it. She is asserting her power. Thats fine and I should say that after forcing the spoon into her mouth once it felt pretty bad and I said never again. However I do distract, cajole etc. Maybe this woman was at her wits end getting her child to eat.

Onedge - In that case should someone be tube fed? I also dont think that comparing adults with disabilities and their carers to babies and their mothers is helpful, its hysterical. Like I said I am also sad when i see a child being mistreated but that wasnt that - it was simply a different style of parenting and by the sounds of it she only forced 1 spoon into the child. In the case of my DD, I do know better than her when it comes to nutrician. Thats not arrogant, its just being her mother. If it was up to her she would eat ice cream and jelly all day every day and I reckon that might provoke some serious tut tutting. As far as obesity is concerned, its not about spoon feeding children until the bowl is finished, its about people feeding their kids processed foods all the time and not getting them out and active - far more damaging imo

Mindy1 No someone should not be tube fed if they do not give their consent. What is hysterical about comparing children to adults? So forcing a spoon and food into a child's mouth is a style of parenting? I don't force feed my kids and they don't eat jelly and ice cream all day, I don't make it available. I only provide nutritous food so its that or nothing. When they are hungry they eat it, when they aren't they don't.

If you thought your child needed a drink but said no would you force liquid into their mouths because you knew better?

This is weird thread.

All of these people accusing the OP of exaggerating or lying, stating that it wasn't like that, it was like this.

Were you all there then? Did you all see what happened?

Why on earth would the OP post about something that hadn't made an impact? Why would she make something up?

I think it does indeed sound like a horrible way to feed a baby.

WTF! Have to laugh at people who judge on a child needing to be forced fed, when they werent even there to see! If my 9 month old baby didnt want to eat, never mind clamping her mouth shut, I sure as hell wouldnt use force to do so......knowing you as well as I do Mel, it much of been very destressing for you to watch.

If forcing a spoon or food into a child's mouth is a parenting style it's not a good parenting style. It's distressing for anybody to have anything forced into their mouth against their will.

If I was ever seen doing that to a child I'd lose my childminding registration for sure. That's because it is not an appropriate way to feed a child and apart from causing distress it can cause feeding issues.

I'm not sad when I see people choosing parenting styles which are different to mine but I do feel sad when I see people causing distress to children and I'd guess that the OP feels the same.

I too find it strange when posters choose to believe or not believe bits and pieces of what is posted to suit their own point of view. I prefer to assume that posters are being genuine in what they report. If they are not being honest they will know that the responses they get are based on untruths and this make the whole process pointless.

I was talking to a relative the other day about my dd as we're getting quite concerned about the little amount of food that she's eating (she's 1) and I said that we're at the point where we're trying to coax her into eating somewhat, but don't want to try too much and make her unhappy and therefore begin to establish mealtimes as something negative for her (and thus make the issue worse). It's getting pretty stressful her not eating but I was immensely shocked when she told me that in days gone by it wasn't an uncommon thing for mother's to hold their child's nose and pop the spoon full of food into their mouths when they opened it!!!!!!!

mrsmusic your dd is lucky to have a sensible, sensitive mum.

I hope your dd comes around to enjoying her food soon and you get to stop worrying.

Remember to keep smiling at mealtimes

OP, what you saw sounds horrible, I would have been inwardly upset to see someone force feed their child. I'm a believer that children don't starve themselves and if mine don't feel like eating, then I'm not going to force them to. Fwiw, my mum used to make me finish every last scrap on my plate, and it definitely led to me having issues with food, and not listening to my body when it was full. Took me years to resolve them and not feel guilty for leaving food on my plate.

I have seen many mums shoving food into babies mouths when they are clearly upset/distressed/full/not wanting it and feel sorry for the children.

I was determined not to be like that myself which is one of the many reasons I chose to BLW my DD.

Shoving food into your baby until they start spitting it out is disgusting and is no way to teach normal eating habits.

My dh was forced to finish all his food as was my father. Both have extremely limited diets now and my dh has no idea about sensible portion sizes.

I know someone IRL who does this - and this (among many, many other parenting choices) has contributed to the demise of our friendship.

She actually would spend up to an hour at the table, getting him to eat his whole plate and if he didn't finish, it would be served up to him at the next meal, and the next...

And, yes, it did make me sad. Poor boy! When you are full, you are full. End of. Force feeding food, if it's not actual child abuse, is hardly parenting best practice, is it?

So yes, OP, if the situation was as you described, I would be very, very sad for the poor boy....

Sounds a bit like my Dad but all through my childhood. I was forced to eat things I really didn't like, particularly mushrooms, carrots and raw onions, even if I was gagging.

I do now have a rule that only clear plates get puddings because I know my DC's will skip main courses to move on to the sweet bit, but if they don't like something, and I do know the difference between a genuine dislike and faddyness, or are full (in which case they wouldn't have room for pudding) there is no issue. WE have a very simple menu in our house, it is a battle I simply refuse to engage in.

I think what the OP saw was deeply sad.

mrsmusic - yes, that's true about the nose holding.

I remembered it myself when thinking about this thread after posting. It might even have happened to me!

My DD also ate barely anything at 1, and TBH she still goes through phases where she eats very little (she's 2 now), but she's a very happy, healthy (thin) child.

I don't even do much coaxing and cajoling to get her to eat, and never have. I was an extremely fussy eater as a child and I think knowing how much my parents wanted me to eat made me refuse food as a way of exercising autonomy.

I don't praise DD1 for eating, I don't give her rewards for it, I just leave it entirely up to her how much she eats and I try to work with her in terms of giving her foods she enjoys.

She's a child I think probably would have been a super fussy eater - I know she sometimes refuses food she wants to annoy me (or more often her Dad), but I don't engage with it. If she doesn't want it, fine by me. So far I think my approach is working. She still has a small appetite, but no issues around food.

Good luck with your DD and try not to sweat it too much. DD1 used to have 1 mini shredded wheat and 1 grape for her breakfast at a year old, and that was on a good day

blimey, it may not be what you'd do but it's not exactly child abuse - i'm not saying i would do the same but i remember DD1 going through a very fussy stage around 10 months and i would be desperate to get her to eat - i'd give her breadsticks to hold then when she opened her mouth for the breadstick i'd quickly shovel in a mouthful of pasta or whatever i was trying to feed her - is that force-feeding? I knew that if I didn't she would end up cranky and hungry later or else live on nothing but breadsticks and toast. With DD2 I'll probably be more relaxed but as a 1st time mum it's very stressful when your kids don't eat and sometimes you'll try anything!

I'd say if the kid looked healthy and wasn't crying, and as you say he was playing happily later he was probably fine. No need to ring social services.