Gina Ford Bored

[Layla72]

First time here and desperate. Roughly started CLB book routine since my son was 2 weeks now he's 5 weeks and I am stressed, upset as well as anxious (which I have never had before except before exams!) I feel I am not enjoying him just waking him up cranky, feeding, forcing 1hr of play etc. HELP! Has anyone else come off it? I feel that I need something loosely to follow but not regimental like this. He his putting on weight and wakes once a night but now cranky in evening - how do I loosen the routine?

Put the book in the bin and follow his lead

It is a stress inducing book - you are having a v.common reaction !

GF is not designed to be loosened. I recommend you look at Tracey Hogg's Baby Whisperer or Rachel Waddilove's book if you really want to follow a written routine that can be made more flexible.

The EASY - Eat, Activity (awake time, nappy change), Sleep, You time - approach might be beneficial to you as it provides you with a structure to follow, which you feel you need, without being overly prescriptive on timings.

Some babies fit naturally into the routine advocated, others don't. A pattern or sequence of events is more flexible than a strict routine but if your baby is hungry they need feeding, if they are tired they need to sleep and there is no point trying to change that.

IMO it's more important to learn to recognise the signals your baby is giving you, according to what you think might be coming next (feed, sleep, nappy change?) and respond to them than try to put them on a stric schedule.

And be careful what you say as MN has been in trouble about this before now.

You have no idea how reassuring it is to hear that I am reacting normally to this book. I'm not even desperate that he sleeps through the night - just that he is happy and I can enjoy him.

Oh layla72 sweeti, please please get rid of all GF books - and listen to your own wonderful instincts - you will have a much happier and contented baby! GF is clueless!!!

If you want a loose structure (and don't feel comfortable just going with the flow) then I agree Baby Whisperer may be more your style -- the idea is that when they wake up you feed them (Eat), then they are full and not tired so they play / interact / look at what's going on (Activity), then they get tired so need a nap (Sleep) which gives you time to spend on yourself (You)

Eat
Activity
Sleep
You

or EASY.

babies needs to sleep when the are tired, feed when the are hungr and be given tons and tons of cuddles and loves

Agree completely...as will add ' your baby will let you know when these times are, not a book'

You don't need to follow it to the 'T'. take some of her info as 'guides'. RELAX. take some of the ideas. watch what he does over the next few days and you might see a few patterns. does it really matter if he sleeps at 10am or 10.30 ?
err no.
hate hate hate to see women feel guilty over any book. wehterh its gf or weaning, or anything.

Disagree with LadyBlahblah. Its not stress inducing. Its not Gf's fault that women are incapapble of deciding that something doesn't fit them, without feeling guilty.
I had the sense to not agree with everyhting steve biddulph writes.
A book only makes you feel guilty or a failure if you let it. that is universal. not applicable to the author. you can apply that to all books if you chose to - or thta stupid HowToTalk book. oh that stupis Alfie Kohn. Rubbish.

Bin the book. Bin all books which prescribe a routine, including the baby whisperer (sorry).

You baby is too little to play, he doesn't need toys (too stimulating IMO) - he'll be happy just having you talk to him, just being close to you and when he can see better, watch the world go by.

Your baby will change so much in the next few months so just learn his sleepy signs and don't let him get overtired. Mine at that age couldn't stay awake more than 45 mins or so without Trouble (he'd get overtired).

Feed or rock to sleep/stick in sling/pushchair etc - do what works to get them to sleep. You can think about helping them learn to self-settle when they're older.

Enjoy - my DS is nearly 10 months and I really miss the newborn stage. Makes me broody

starlight just saw your post - says that SWMNBN has been discredited - I'm really interested, do you have any links?

Gf is rubbish ? nonsense. works for some. many.
Agree EASY may be more to your liking.
Or go total AP and just go with the flow. there is lots of MN advice and threads here if thats what you want.

Works for some parents, maybe. Doesn't work for the baby, if it's being woken up from badly needed sleep or denied food when it's hungry because it's "not time" or overstimulated.

I used GF but loosened it a lot to fit DS. (of course he's 7 months old and doesn't sleep 7-7, so if that's what you want, you need to ignore everything else I'm about to post)

I needed a 'what to do' guide, but just ignore the exact timings! if you look at the routine and say to yourself, "this is everything I need to fit into the day" - so your DS needs that many feeds, he needs that much sleep in the day, and ideally isn't expected to go more than 2 hours from waking to his next sleep.

Also, i found not stressing about the sleep side and focussing on the feeds really helped, so even if my DS wasn't acting hungry when it was time to feed according to Gina, I offered him the breast and normally he did a sort of "oh yes, I'm hungry!" face and started feeding. (but if DS was hungry I just feed him rather than wait until Gina Ford says).

Oh, and re the cranky in the evening, if you are breast feeding, can you add another feed in? Or make his afternoon nap longer. Oh, and a lot of babies who aren't on routines are cranky in the evenings, sorry that's not much help!

It's a book. You read it, you think about what it says, you use the bits that make sense to you.

You're the mother, so ultimately you have to make the decisions and use your own judgement.

Outsourcing your intelligence to any book is extremely foolish, it's not just Gina Ford that causes problems when parents follow it slavishly.

Thanks Starlight. I'm a fan of Dr Sears already but will check out the other names. I love a good read

Bin the book, let him sleep when he wants and feed him when he wants at 5 weeks if he is unsettled offer the boob. Works here.

Madness to wake a baby up if not absolutely necessary, complete and utter madness.

Good lord, calm down everyone. The CLB book says over and over again, the routines are just guides. It says never ever ever leave a hungry baby to cry, it says the routines will need to be adapted to suit the baby. It isn't some trudy king style park them in a pram in the back of the garden and leave them to cry for hours thing. It's just trying to find something that minimises the amount of crying each day for everyone. Although gf does tend to over analyse everything imo, but then that's her, and I'm me.

For example, with both of mine they could never stay awake in the early days, and dd2 had about 5 or 6 naps a day. Gradually eased into 3 naps over a few weeks. Dd1 needed more sleep than suggested, otherwise she was cranky, so she got it. Dd2 didn't sleep as much (after the first few weeks), so she had less. Etc etc.

The problem with being a first time mum, if you've never been around babies before as so many have, is that you are clueless (no offence, I was) and don't have the confidence to go with the flow so much. You also think that one bad day means it will be hell forever more.

Books, of whatever kind, can be a useful prop as you muddle your way through. If it's not working for you, then have a read of something else or do your own thing, no biggie, everyone does it differently.

Well done OP for getting that confidence to decide it's not for you, and good luck with finding something that does work for you. For specific issues, eg cranky evenings, there's huge amounts of advice, experience and support on mumsnet.

"Does it really say tiny babies are meant to 'play' for a whole hour?"

No. No, it doesn't say that.