Gina Ford Bored

[Layla72]

First time here and desperate. Roughly started CLB book routine since my son was 2 weeks now he's 5 weeks and I am stressed, upset as well as anxious (which I have never had before except before exams!) I feel I am not enjoying him just waking him up cranky, feeding, forcing 1hr of play etc. HELP! Has anyone else come off it? I feel that I need something loosely to follow but not regimental like this. He his putting on weight and wakes once a night but now cranky in evening - how do I loosen the routine?

Shouldn't take long. I read it cover to cover in a bookshop once.

Don't bin it. If, like me, you don't feel that you have instincts to follow. Do what Lukewarm says and read it for the ideas and hints and tips. I followed it slvaishly with DS1 and it amde me neurotic. Followed the principls with DD and it worked a treat. Now I've got DS2 (16 weeks) and I will not let myself become a slave to routines. The routine works for me and not vice versa. It gives me an idea of when DS2 is likely to be sleeping and likely to need feeding but if he wakes early or cries hungrily then he gets fed.

And as for playing with a 5 week old - read soothingly, let him look at a still highly contrasted book ( ie don't wave it around in front of him) and at the first sniggle or first yawn it's back off to bed. My 3 would have slept almost straight off the boob every time. If they'd stayed awake for 5 mins to look at me great! If they were too tired they went back for a snooze. Over stimulating your tiny baby is one good way to stop them settling well. Mine all slept far more than GF suggests during the day but better that than a cranky overtired newborn. Remember they will change day on day week on week. I'd say DS2 started showing signs of "following" the routine at about 12 weeks. HTH

Sorry about carp typing.

"Works for some parents, maybe. Doesn't work for the baby, if it's being woken up from badly needed sleep or denied food when it's hungry because it's "not time" or overstimulated."

FFS tortoise, really?

Have you even read the book?

Gina Ford's main concern is making sure a baby ALWAYS has plenty of sleep, is never overstimulated, and is never left hungry (hence waking to feed).

You might hate the ways she recommends going about those things, or think she over-emphasises their importance, but if you want to criticise her methods at least know what they are.

As for "works for some parents" - you think there are parents out there who find life easier if their baby is starving hungry, exhausted, and overstimulated?

The only way a parenting method could possibly make life easier for parents would be if it were so successful that the baby was always in good form. Now, I'm not making that claim for GF, but it's a bit silly to claim that life is easier when you neglect and torture your child.

PMSL @ carp typing

I have that too

No, I was thinking of the fact that many parents claim that following The Routine made their child sleep through at night very early on - which would have made my life easier!

You can't have it both ways, though - if she advocates waking to feed, then she's not advocating letting the baby sleep its fill, is she?

I will grant you that she does write her books as though she's spoiling for a fight ( as a friend put it to me!) which put me in a tiss with DS1. I felt like she was watching me and would judge every poorly observed day ready to tell me off. But that was my issue and not hers. If she phrased her routines a bit more like: When your baby wakes, feed him, give him a nappy change and "play" at an age appropriate level then put him back to bed at the LATEST two hours after he woke up, then I think more people would find her easier to digest. Anyhoo. Must not turn thread into Why GF should not be despised. Sorry OP.

OOOOh I do love a good gina ford bunfight!hehe. Don't feel gulity love. You are either a Gina Ford Mum, or you're not, and you're baby is either a Gina Ford baby, or he's not!

My two are both 'Gina Babies' and are very happy with it. I found it made my life easier. But, and it's a big but, I think that they would have slotted into Gina Ford's routines whether I 'followed' the book or not. They just fell into it really easily. I think I'd have struggled if they didn't, and I don't think it's practical (or kind to your baby,) if you try to shoe horn them into anything.

Sounds like you're a fab mum, who just wants the best for her baby. Eventually you'll find a way that suits you both. Gina might not be it!

Interestingly, I do think that Gina Ford didn't come up with her routines by magic. She's probably just watched thousands of babies and noticed that generally, they fall into a pattern of sleeping and feeding.

For example, a friend of 'went with the flow' totally from day one, and had no routine at all. But 6 months down the line, her baby was feeding and sleeping at pretty much the same times as mine. Gina Ford just got us there a bit quicker. But as she thrived on the chaos (meant in a nice way) and unpredictability of having no routine, I needed it to help me cope with the overwhelming job of caring for a baby. So, in a nutshell, it worked for me, but would never have worked for her, and in the end, the result was the same.

Do anything that helps you enjoy your baby hunny x

Do you need instincts to think "Thank God he is asleep, where is the wine?".

I honestly just can't get my head around intentionally waking up a baby, why would you do that?!

hehe. I love that Morloth. Glad I'm not the only one who reaches for the vino come bedtime!

Hey Layla - welcome to mn!!

stop beating yourself up. next ask yourself is it that you want a routine to follow or is it that you would like your baby to be in a routine so you kind of have half a clue whats going on/coming next?

if its the first one i reckon have a look at tracey hogg. my dd was having none of the EASY order of things but i did find the general adive in the book really useful - watching for sleep cues etc so it might help you.

if its that you want your baby in a routine you could just let him lead for a couple of days and write down his rough timings of sleeps/feeds/even nappy changes if you like - chances are he will show you his own routine and then you will have one to follow if you see what i mean??

hope that helps

I've jsut recommended Penelope Leach on another thread, it was the only baby book had and it suited me perfectly, very child focused and really helpful with practicalities, so much so that I tend to buy copies for first time Mum friends now

Congratulations on your baby as well, that's such a lovely time

"You can't have it both ways, though - if she advocates waking to feed, then she's not advocating letting the baby sleep its fill, is she?"

Just because you wake a baby to feed it doesn't mean it will be tired, so it's not necessarily trying to have it both ways.

If you don't think that newborn babies know exactly what they want through some kind of Platonic wisdom, then it is perfectly consistent to think that a baby might be still asleep when it has had its fill of sleep.

I don't know. With DD1 the midwives in hospital were OBSESSED with me making sure I fed her at least every 3 hours, to the point that one morning when she'd been awake all night feeding and I left her to sleep for 4 or 5 hours one of them went completely mental at me.

2 years later with DD2 they all kept saying there was no need to wake her. I don't know if this was because she was fat and there was no chance of her wasting away in a couple of hours, but the approach (same hospital) seemed to have changed.

Either way, I don't really think waking a baby to feed them is cruel, given that newborns sleep so much.

Lots of people I know don't let their babies or toddlers sleep more than they think appropriate. my friend is foten trying to keep her toddler awake as we walk the school run togetehr, to collect our ds1's with our ds2's in buggies. she says if she lets him sleep at 3pm he won't go to bed at 7.

ds2 is nearly 2. he sleeps for an hour at lunchtime ( anytime between 11 and 3, i am not bothered). but i try not to let him sleep for more. infatc half an hour ago i gently stirred him becasue he's been asleep for long enough.

whats the difference between this and waking a baby . like gf says.
she says let them sleep in the am. and in the pm, but not for more than .....so many hours.

whats the difference ?

my ds1 mw's said wake him wake feed him, because he was sleepy.and they too insisted on atleast every 4 hours. that old school mw. nothing to do with gf.

I loved The Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove, like GF but more flexible and less bossy!!!

Buy The Baby Book or have a look at this website.

Another expert, a completely different way of doing things. Then ignore this, and the GF book and do what seems right to you.

I read GF and it made me feel stressed and guilty. I couldn't just pick out some ideas, as I had no idea which ones to pick out - I just felt that I didn't measure up somehow. Looking back, I realise that I'm not the type of person who needs lots of routine, I was much happier once I relaxed a bit and started to trust myself.

The only book I recommend now is 'What Mothers Do: Especially when it looks like nothing'. It was the book which helped me to trust myself and to realise that I wasn't the only one going through it all. It's not a 'how to book' at all, just a reflection on the experience of being a mother.

Layla, it's still early days for you. You will feel more comfortable with it all and you will learn to trust yourself more and more as you figure it all out. Good luck.

I read Gina Ford before DS1 and it really appealed to me as I love routine myself. Unfortunately, DS1 was a nightmare and I get easily bored, baby groups/massage/gymboree/eating lunch with friends was ny lifeline in the end and it just didn't work for me.
EASY was better.
Still have friends who swear by Gina Ford though x

Second Sears Baby Book - I don't follow all their ideas but this book gave me the confidence to trust my instincts and not feel guilty about doing natural things like rocking a baby.

You needed a book to stop you feeling guilty about rocking a baby?

Morloth Indeed no, That instinct I have in spades.

It was more the "I have NO idea how long they're supposed to sleep, how they GET to sleep, how they Stay asleep, how oft6en they feed, what happens if.... yadda yadda yadda" GF helped me understand SOMETHING of a baby's day structure.

whats wrong with rocking a baby?? is it that bloody 'sleep crutch' issue. poke that. dh rocks dd to sleep if she is poorly/teething - seems v mean not to help get get some rest. when shes better she falls asleep easily on her own - end of story!

he he @ morloth - so agree!!

The contented little parent! Wasn't for me, no advice other than one step at a time and the vino helps.