Poor little boy not invited to party!

[herecomesthesun]

I have a group of baby group friends that I met when DD (almost 3) was a couple of months old, parties and (childrens) social occasions mainly consist of just the baby group and our children and we are quite close knit.

Anyway an invitation arrived for one of the baby groups child's 3rd birthday party and it was addressed only to DD who is 3 but not to DS who is 2 and has grown up with all of these people and their children, I thought this strange and perhaps a mistake but we went to the party, I never go anywhere without both and it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't do this but at the party there werent' enough chairs for all of the children, I didn't think anything of this at the time but then at the end of the party there was only a party bag for DD and not for DS. I am totally shocked that someone could invite one of my children but not the other who they have all grown up with and they all love, I just can't understand it. Also they all love him it's not as though he is naughty in anyway. I had to stop at the shop on the way out as couldn't have had one child with a party bag full of treats and the other with nothing.

I considered saying something but what would I say? A mutual friend was there as I was leaving and was as shocked as me about this.

I was thinking that maybe it's time to just break off a bit from these things with children getting older and nearer to school age etc.

Any thoughts/advice?

Parties cost money and I think it is entirely reasonable to only invite one of your kids. I actually find it shocking that you find it acceptable to bring an uninvited child to a party. If every sibling was invited this would massively increase costs.

Are you the only one with a second child?

FWIW I wouldn't expect to include a younger child at a party. You were actually quite rude not to check it was OK.

I can understand your feelings, but I also understand the party host. We always invite siblings and it does end up making parties much bigger and more expensive. There is going to have to be a cut-off point soon, because all the children we know have one or two siblings. I can't cater for all of them every time.

I am the only one with a second child and I wouldn't have gone for a second if i'd have thought that he wasn't invited I just presumed it had been a mistake on the invite. Everytime we socialise at anything my son is included in everything, they have all grown up together and we saw them the week before all toghether. Also they all know that I don't have any carer help so not taking one would have meant not taking either.

I would totally have understood if there was more of an age gap but because they are all so close it just didn't cross my mind. Also the thank you card just had DD's name on it even though the gift and card were from DD and DS.

Sorry but I think the parents were right only to invite DD. As others have said it is expensive having a party and if you have to invite siblings it increases the costs.
Why did you have to take DS? he will no doubt have parties where DD isn't invited.

Think about it, when you have a party for a child for say 10 of his friends, but they each have 3 siblings would you do enough food and party bags for 10 or 40? Because there is a huge difference and the kids need to learn at some point. Mine are nearly 4 and 6 and only just getting it now that they both have different parties to go to.

I don't have anyone to look after him and did actually think he was invited. I've never had one invited to a party and not the other which is why I think it was an easy mistake to make this time.

'Everytime we socialise at anything my son is included in everything' - presumably because you are paying? I had a party at home and several people brought siblings (despite my invitation asking them to let me know) which cost extra - extra icecream from van, extra prizes, no party bags for them - i think, this being your first experience of it, that it will be more and more common for you to receive invites for one child only. It's not about liking or disliking children, it's the cost and space.

I was like you staying friends with the mums in the baby group, I was also the first mum to have a second baby, I would always ask if its ok to bring the second child, and I would be prepared with a small gift so dd wasn't left out.
My eldest is 15 and her sister 13 now and we are still friends and I would still check that we are all invited and they would do the same. Its far too expensive and harder to organise games for mixed age groups etc.
Take it as a lesson learned, it will happen again, you've a few years of parties to go yet.

I think it must just be me, looking back now, even at Dd's 2nd birthday I invited siblings of 5 and 7yo. Still learning I guess.

YABU and out of order expecting him to be included.

Sorry but I think ywbu to take an uninvited child to a party. Both he and you are going to have to get used to the idea that an invitation for your DD does not automatically mean he is included - your DD is entitled to her own time with her own friends.

FWIW I have been on the opposite side of this situation - DDs party and 3 uninvited siblings were ushered into the party room by their parents - this left us short of chairs, plates, party bags and also meant the venue wanted to charge me an extra £50 for an additional member of staff as we had gone over the agreed number by (surprisingly!) 3 children.

We often go to parties at the local soft play, one DC invited to a party and I will pay in other one and have a coffee and a chat with the other mums. Sometimes mums will just drop the kids and do a runner, but I certainly wouldn't hover about waiting for not-invited sibling to be paid in!

You assumed he was invited because the invitation came with only DD name on it? And there was a chair short?

Another time, someone brought the uninvited younger one to a party, allowed him to join in all the activities, including the tour of the factory, and then let him join the line for a party bag. So my dd went without. He was v similar looking to his older brother, so I didn't really cotton on. He also joined in with the food and stuff. I was fuming for dd afterwards.

Hmm. Your social set-up sounds similar to mine. I think in your circumstances ywNbu to assume that ds was invited. The party givers decided to change the status quo (which is absolutely fine for them to do) but if they were friends it would have been nice of them to mention it to you. They didn't need to make a big deal, just mention "sorry we've had to stick to just the birthday girl's friends to avoid it getting too big" would have been kind, and avoided misunderstanding.

I think that's why it caught me off guard because this is the last party of the party season as such and both have been invited to all parties and included in all parties, and also at this child's 2nd party by DS was very much invited, i think it's because it was a change in the usual set-up that I didn;t realise until we were already there.

Did you take along two presents one from guest number 1 DD and 1 from guest number 2 DS ? Or did you expect two for the price of 1 ?
I've often shown up with all three of my children but i pay for those who aren't named on the invitation.

I think just because it was so unusual and has never happened before that I opened it, thought about it, the kids played with it,left it in the toy room and I didn't see it again or think about it until when I was there and things clicked into place.

No I gave one, very nice present which was double what i'd have spent if i had just one child going to a party. Not that I think cost of a present is really relevant because it is the thought that counts and everybody had different financial situations, just that I could get something better/more suitable for child if I got one instead of two individual

It is relevant because whilst the thought is all very well and good it looks a bit cheeky to expect 2 DC's fed, watered and entertained but to offer one present IMO but if it was a nicer than you'd normally send then fair enough.

Sorry but YABU. I see why in your situation you would expect both children to be invited, but you cannot go through life expecting both chidren to be invited to everything.

I have a friend with 5 children. If one of my DC has a party should I invite all of her children?

No, I don't expect to go through life with both children being invited to all parties, just with this group of friends who have always included all children, I did expect it. That's they way it's always been with these friends and I know that as the children meet new friends, start school, nursery and different things they will have friends that they know individually and they go individually to their parties.