surrounded by "princesses" please help!

[bigtalksmalltalk]

My eldest daughter is almost 2.5 yrs old and the other mothers I know are starting with the pink princesses, dolls, spangly shoes etc etc - are all women doing this? Please tell me that there are women out there who don't want this for their daughters? They have also started saying how everything is pretty and beautiful and starting the process whereby their daughters will judge themselves by their apperance (I never hear people saying such things to boys!). I keep quiet about my views as it is not for me to comment but I loathe this stuff so much!

My eldest DD loved pink and sparkly things. In contrast her sister was a less.... traditional type (preferred mud, train sets, etc). The same upbringing, but very different girls.

Are you sure that other parents aren't simply allowing their daughters to wear glitterly crowns because their daughters, dare I say it, like glittery crowns.

once your dc start liking things, why not go with it? Hate pink/ Barbie/ sparkly things myself, but it seems to be a phase my dd go through. Fortunately dd1 has outgrown it, but dd2 still in the throes. I like the idea that my dc will choose things themselves.

My ds never went through the phase but plenty of friends boys did. Would you put a stop to that too BTST?

I see the point you are saying but I do think that a lot of this is self-fulfilling. I am 40 so a child a long time ago but there was no where near the emphasis on pink, girly things as there is now, not such demarcation of toys etc etc - the arguments are well rehearsed. I guess the point is that I don't want this emphasis for my children and I obviously just need to find like minded mothers out there so my post is a light hearted plea for people to reassure me that one can fight this stuff.

You will find heaps of people on here who share your worries in realtion to stereotyping girls.

I am not one of them: My DD loves all that is pink sparkly and fluffy. Couldn't keep her away from it if I tried.

Oh and I tell my DS1 he is hadsome and gorgeous just as much as I tell DD she is/looks beautiful.

Its a phase, they grow out of it by the time they are about 5. My dd is 4 and is as stereotypically girly as you can get. Its not something I have done to her and its not a phase I went through myself (although my older sister did). Sometimes people do conform to stereotypes although I don't doubt that she is influenced by marketing but who isn't? She does have a bit more to her than being pretty and beautiful and anyone who looks beneath the surface can see that.

Its not something I want for her as such, but its her interest at the moment and I think its more damaging to patronise and belittle something she likes as not worthy just because its unfashionable amongst adults atm. I didn't want my son to bang on about Thomas the Tank Engine 24hours a day when he was that age but I let him. For some reason its acceptable for boys to enjoy a popular stereotypical type of play but not girls.

Can I add that it is after all the mothers/relatives who are buying this stuff and of the mothers I know, almost revel in.

I often tell my DS that he's beautiful.

Recently, he's been frowning and saying, "no, I look COOL."

(He's 3).

Think this one is hard to fight.

Think very carefully about what message you are giving by denigrating every sign of 'girliness' (as a young child sees it)- it could inadvertently communicate the message that girls and women are flippant empty and worthless unless they eschew all things pink and sparkly (and choose 'male' objects/colours). Which is not the message I want to give my DD. And I fucking hate pink.

spanxaremyonlyfriend - a twisting of what I am saying - I have sincerely held views about the stereotyping of young girls, the demarcation of toys, the emphasis on the superficial beauty, the passivity. I do see women actively promoting these toys and types of play for girls and therefore they are influencing their daughters, just as I will influence mine by downplaying this stuff.

When DD was little, I had full control over what she wore and chose lots of primary colours and very few frills.

DD hit 2yo and was overwhelmed by the urge to wear pink sparkly stuff at all times. I decided not to waste anymore money buying her nice clothes she would refuse to wear, so she ended up with very pink wardrobe.

DD is now 6yo and has decided she is far too mature for pink sparkly stuff, she much prefers the skin tight jeans and skinny T-shirts look.

It is a phase, they will grow out of it, what comes after may not be an improvement.

BTST I can't bear the whole princess thing either. My DD is a little bit pink and fluffy but I just try to make sure she is exposed to all sorts to avoid stereotypes.

I saw a programme some time ago where a buyer from Hamleys was trying to say that if they put 'princess fancy dress' out for sale in any other colour than pink, they wouldn't sell Given that they didn't stock any other colours, how could she possibly say that? grr. It annoys me that choice is taken away from parents and DD's by these buyers.....

Why on earth would it make a difference if the princess dress was in another colour?

How am I twisting what you are saying?

I don't think spanx has twisted your words. She's just pointing out that criticising small girls for liking pink fluffy things might be as wrong as insisting that small girls should only play with pink things.

I know what you're trying to say. I'm not girly at all but dd1 is really into princesses, fairies and everything pink and sparkly - yes I do indulge her on this but I do try and bring some balance as well. I don't buy things in pink that don't normally come in pink like kitchens and I do try an balance her clothes with non pink elements. But I have for example just brought her a pink sparkly bike because I see it and think dd will just love that not oh she's a girl therefore she must have a pink bike. You just need to provide a a bit of balance.
I'm sure she'll probably grow out of it and I'll be despairing at her being all 'individual' and wearing black when she's a teenager

Agree with Tethersend. What's wrong with being pink and sparkly?

I absolutely agree with not stereotyping on gender. You just have to introduce variety (and brainwashing bedtime stories). I asked dd (4) 'what do princesses do?' the other night and she said... 'fix things, climb things, have adventures and marry princes...' so not too despairing though I will struggle on with the good fight.
And fwiw ds likes pink and sparkly (and dd's princess dress) too.

DD started the pink and sparkly phase at about 2.5, carried on until about 5 (Rainbow Fairies etc) but now at nearly 8 hasn't worn a skirt for two years, thinks pink is yuck and is pestering me for a pet snake (she does still like spending pocket money on fruity lip-balm and so on at Claire's though). I don't like all the girly stuff, but I thought it would be counterproductive to ban it, and so far that seems to have worked out OK.

There are plenty of unconventional princess stories around that get the right kind of message across, eg Princess Fiona in Shrek. DD loved the book 'The Paper Bag Princess'. It doesn't all have to be the Disney saccharine-sweet and helpless kind.

I love the 'individual' black phase.

Funny how 6yo aren't criticised for liking purple, 8yo aren't criticised for liking teal, teenagers aren't criticised for liking black but when very small children behave in a conformist way they are criticised.

I see where you're coming from OP.

I'm not going to repeat myself on this one.. I recommend rereading Scrappy's post above. She speaks a lot of sense!

(or maybe she just sounds a lot like me )

bigtalksmalltalk I feel the same as you. Not had my baby yet but I am your age and really dread the sexualisation of my child. It's one of the reasons why I don't want to find out the sex as I am sure if we do know everyone will bombard us with pink or blue stuff and start with all the sexual specific stuff before he/she is even born.

How far along are you now, Duelling?

Very good point DuellingFanjo.

FWIW I very rarely buy any of the pink stuff.. The aunties seem to take care of all that..

And there are nice neutral colours out there.. or, even if quite obviously girls' clothes, primary colours..

My DD loved pink and glitter, loved it and wanted pink everything.
I went with it.

She had her end of year disco a few weeks back and went in skinnies with a black dress over and Converse.

She's 8. They do grow out of it.

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with pink, and to denigrate it is as bad as the stereotype. It is perpetuating the myth that it is somehow powerful- it's not, it's just a colour.

What is powerful is what pink has come to signify- this is what we should be changing, and not bringing our daughters up with the idea that girly=weak and wrong.

I think what OP is getting at is that there's a whole industry out there waiting to drag in these willing little consumers with one overriding (sickly) value..

Of course we parents are in charge but it's actually quite difficult to swim against the tide and not (in my case) ban it, but rather introduce a variety of other themes and topics too..