Aaargh - do I DARE have a second child? After reading this book maybe not....

[ScarlettButler]

So I'm expecting my second child and have started reading Three Shoes, One sock and no hairbrush by rebecca adams to try to prepare myself. i like the author's point that we always see media reps of motherhood as one on one which simply doesn't translate to the practicalities of you and a toddler and a baby (have been wondering for some time how am going to combine breastfeeding and potty training realistically)
But about two thirds of the way through reading it now and frankly TERRIFIED. The age gap will be all wrong (only 22 months, author says over 3 yrs is best); second pregnancy ruins your body and pelvic floor; the youngest child is two years old before you get out of any sort of deep slough of despond/mayhem/manageable stress/out of the front door; first child ends up bemused and ignored and unhappy (and as an eldest I fully sympathise with this); money is terrible; haven't even got on to what happens to your marriage

I seem to be in the worst situation because of age gap, easy first baby (therefore potential real shock to the system if next one not so easy); probably different genders....HELP! I feel like I've thrown a nuclear bomb into my family. How did everyone else cope going from 1 to 2 kids? Is it 2013 before I will even get out the front door again? I sound like I'm taking the mick, but am genuinely very worried.

plantsitter - glad to hear not the only one awake!
LostArt - will NOT ask about the supermarket. But did I read that right a 10 month age gap bows down in awe

trefusis glad to hear i am not only one who read it....felt almost like that myself...And did you read the pelvic floor stats???

porcupine11 - investing in potato field. Wishing I had not eaten so many sweets this pergnancy as will only have self to blame for hyperactive DC2

Huh? How does a baked potato help with milk? Although I suppose it might provide more long term energy than the 2 chocolate brownies Ihave eaten for lunch. I should probably go and make myself something!

Another vote for chucking that book in the bin! There is 22 months between my first two daughters, the age gap was perfect, they had a friend to play with all the time and I never felt that my first daughter was neglected, she was at the age where she could pass me a nappy, give the baby a teddy etc. I now have five children, my youngest is 20 months old now and have no problems with my pelvic floor . Enjoy all the fun to come .

ooh yes have a plan for putting the baby down at various places in the house, altering as the baby grows and can do more - excellent tip!

Buy a good sling like a Moby wrap!

There is a more of a gap between my two (4 years 3months)and it was so hard going back to nappies and sleepless nights again and I wished I had had #2 sooner many many times.

Re: effect on body of second pregnancy I found I was fitter and more active than the first time around as I was running after DD etc . The birth was much much better and easier and the recovery was faster and no extra problems at all. Throw the book away and trust yourself to cope, its so wonderful having two! My two love each other so much already and watching them together is absolutely fab (barring the odd times he bites her and she pulls him around the kitchen by his leg .

Hee hee - I ate SO many sweets during pregnancy, DS2 was 10 lbs!! But labour sooooooo much easier than first time.

I think there is a link between constant blood sugar supply and constant milk production, so low GI foods are a good thing. Anyway every medical person I encountered this time kept saying 'eat baked potatoes' and when I gave in and started, my mood certainly improved (always had a lot of milk anyway, so hard to judge that).

, no, there isn't 22 months between my first two daughters, there is 19 months, there is, however, 22 months between my 2nd dd and my first ds .

Yes, definately buy a sling, and when the Moby doesn't feel supportive enough, buy a Connecta, www.connectababy.co.uk, I have three and they're fantastic!

The connecta slings look fab, like the lovechild of a baby bjorn and a fabric wrap!

porcupine, it is fantastic and you can use them from birth, you just synch in the seat with a little strap that is provided, I've just bought the solarweave one for summer and my dd3 is now 20 months old. I wish they were around years ago.

meant to add, that the Connecta is much more comfortable for a baby as the baby is in a proper 'seat' and not dangling like in a other types of slings, can you tell I love them?

I read the thread title and just knew it would be this book!

Its will be fine, it was recommended to me and i think it was just a depressing read with little practical help

i knew it would be this book too!!!!

throw it away please!

the woman is a freakoid.

" You can put a snow suit on without breaking an arm"

SPB - brilliant

I actually thought the book was quite truthful, but it is a book to read when your dc2 is turning one so you can make sense of the last year and realise that you are not alone or maybe before you conceive - NOT before you have the baby.

I found having my second child a terrible shock and much more life changing than no. 1. And having had my two (4 and 18 months now) home for two weeks on holiday (4 year old is usually at preschool) I have come to the conclusion that I am just not made for two children. I find splitting my attention incredibly stressful. But maybe that is just me.

i have a 2 yr age gap and it is brilliant!

DCs are now 8 and 6yo and get on so well together. as everyone else has said DC2 is sooooo easy compared to DC1, you are more relaxed as a parent.

Why am I the only person in the world who had a harder second baby?! S'not fair!

Funnily enough I am feeling much more positive second time round than I was first time round. I found having a baby such a shock, but all the things I found so hard have already changed so I have convinced myself that it will not nearly be as bad as it was (seemed) first time.

Plus when I see people with babies (i.e. under 9 months) I look back and think 'life was so much easier then...' of course it wasn't at the time, but imagine you could go back and do DC1 again with the knowledge you have now, it'd be a doddle. Except now you have a toddler to content with too, but you know what, you have already been dealing with them for the past x years so that won't be so much of a shock either. Basically I think having DC2 is less hard than the sum of DC1x2 if that makes sense?

porcupine11 without wanting to assign my unborn child a role in the family, I fear that I will be joining you in the more-difficult-second-child category. Just that DD was very easy re eating sleeping etc, and I think I can't be so lucky next time!

but seriously, am worried. Got awarded a grant before I got pregnant to do some research (idea was more flexible working around DD) and it will start three months before DC2 due. Now thinking, do I just give it up as no chance of doing any work? Wd be really sad to do so - and if i give it up then won't get it again - but sounds like I have no chance of doing anything

porcupine, you are definitely not! My DS1 was a dream baby - so easy, and a very easy toddler now too, just an easy going little bunndle of fun .

DS2, hmm, not so! He is sooooo much more demanding in every way - lucky for him he has the cutest little smile/laugh and is one of the most gorgeous boys you've ever seen (not that I'm biased ), otherwise I'd have had him adopted by now .

SB, can you postpone the start date of your research?