No shows at childrens parties

[Trifle]

I've just held a second birthday party for my ds and it never ceases to amaze me that people either dont turn up or come late. Today 3 didnt turn up and 3 were half an hour late. At Christmas when it was my other ds birthday, 3 didnt reply to the invitation and one didnt reply but turned up with 3 of her children when only 1 was invited. Parties are not cheap and the one today cot me 80 quid of which 27 quid was spent on 3 empty places. Why can't people have the decency to reply to party invitations, come if they say they are coming and then at least arrive on time.

Finbar had this - i will ring her - she hets VERY agitated about htis...

People are just bloody rude, that's why. Sorry Trifle, that's very disappointing when you go to all that trouble (and expense!) and then look forward to it only to have some people let you down. Luckily little ds is probably (?) too young to notice. There's not a lot you can do unfortunately except keep a mental note of the habitual no-shows and stop inviting them.

Agree completely about the no-shows - it really isn't on. I have to admit to being someone who has been up to 15-30 mins late (never more) for parties sometimes. Basically depending on the start times, sometimes it simply has 'gone wrong' in terms of timing in the morning - haven't managed to get toddler & baby fed, 'napped' and up and out in time, and I've always taken the view that it was better to arrive slightly late with a refreshed and raring to go toddler, rather than a grumpy whingey one.
Mind you, these have all been parties of the 'soft play at a local sports centre' variety where the first hour is running around/ bouncing and party tea after that, so maybe that's a bit different?
We went to a 4th birthday party recently which started at 12 and there wasn't any food until gone 1.30, by which time DS1 was loudly saying "Mummy - I want to have some lunch NOW - why haven't we had any lunch yet? Can we go home for some lunch?" I thought that was a bit badly thought through....
Final thought - how did you invite them - any chance any of the invites could have got lost (e.g. if through the nursery) We've sometimes mislaid invitations when DS1 hasn't put them in his bag at nursery/ when they get caught up in the mountain of artwork which comes home every night!

Thanks for the introduction Coddy!

I had this experience recently when a child whose mother said she would come - didn't turn up. The day before the party, the child in question was saying she was looking forward to it as well!!

I was so incensed that myself and my DD went round and gave the girl her party bag. The mother offered some excuse like she'd had a cough - haven't these people heard of telephones?!!

So I'm with you on this one Trifle!

Oh God - I think I'm going to be the sort of person you hate. DD only 8mo so no party faux pas so far, but we are always late - sometimes hours. And forget stuff. Is half an hour late for a party? I thought arriving on time was rude. And I forget to send thank you cards, and forget people's birthdays, including my mother's once. Or remember one nephew's birthday but not the other. Perhaps people just aren't as good as you about this stuff. I always used to be on time or early - sometimes ridiculously so - but having a child seems to have thrown that right out of the window. Oh well. I'll put it on my must do better list. I didn't realise it caused such stress.

You've got to go some to beat one set of parents we know. All the invitees were ready and raring to go waiting for the birthday boy and his family to turn up. They arrived 20 mins late for their own son's birthday party..... they had got the time wrong - thought it started an hour later - and wondered why they had a frantic call asking if everything was all right.

Trifle, That is awful, I am with you on that one, DS last 3rd birthday party, everyone showed up, but one showed up 40 minutes late and did not even bring a present for ds, in fact not even a card, she said she didn't have time to buy it and will buy it later and bring it to playschool the following day, which she never did, she spent the next few week avoiding me. It made me so mad, I mean how much effort was it to buy and card and a small gift, especially as I was forking out £5 per head to entertain her son. The invites went out 4 weeks before the party.

well we went to a party on saturday ..except its NEXT saturday...whoops.

Helenmc, I hope it was a function or something, please tell me you didn't go to their house.

Saying that I went for a job interview a day early once, got the job though

I would like to know what you think of this one:

Our family went today to a party - we were invited a couple of weeks ago to this birthday party - there are four children in the family but we didn't know whose birthday the party was for because there's one birthday in April, two in May and one in August. Dh rang up to find out and was told it was for all of them. We thought it was a bit strange, but assumed it was mainly for the August birthday but lumping the others in because they hadn't had one earlier in the year. However, were still a little incensed to have to but 4 presents when it wasn't any of their birthday, especially as the family concerned are mega-wealthy, the kids have loads of toys, they never notice who gave what present, and they have never written or said a thankyou to us for any present received. We bought three small presents for the April and May birthdays and a slightly bigger one for the August birthday. It turns out that the party was for the three earlier birthdays and not for the August one at all. I have been inwardly seething (but outwardly calm and polite as usual ) all day. Am I being unreasonable to seethe?

Trifle, I've put "Sorry, but can't cater for siblings" on my dds last 2 party invites. And then, if people do have to bring another child, at least (so far) they've had the decency to ask!.

I'm of the opinion too that you should arrive on time. Dd2s last party we had an entertainer who did 45mins, but was waiting for people to arrive, so it all got rushed at the end, as we were on a time limit for the hall we'd hired too.

judetheobscure - what a strange setup not to have even bothered mentioning names on the invite. Sounds weird to me - definitely not normal behaviour! I would be seething too.

An ex partner of mine drove the entire length of the country to arrive at his Aunt and Uncles silver wedding anniversairy party - only to find out it was being held at his Grannies house only two miles down from where he lived!! He only found out when he arrived at a dark house and phoned his brothers mobile to find out if he was inside and it was a surprise party - what a dodo!!

As for no shows - I think I would probably ring them after 20 mins to "check they were ok" (sarcastic voice in check....) and say that I was concerned that something may have happened on the journiey to the venue. If they failed to explain or hint how embarrassed and sorry they were and ff I was feeling really mad, it would be quite fun to say that everyone was standing around waiting for them and so could they please say how much longer they were going to be....

Tell me I'm right please someone. I am so mad.... The first time I had a party for my little boy's first birthday, I catered at home. I made lots of kiddie food and invited all the kids in our little mums and toddlers group that i organise with a friend. Usual custom is to go to someones house every Wed pm . We rotate the venue and everyone takes a turn.
Well on the first birthday party at home, while I was organising silly games for the toddlers all the mums tucked into the food and only left the birthday cake untouched ( except all the decorations on the cake had been pinched by a 2 yr old girl who is completely wild and her mum never disciplines her. ) SO this time, I thought I would take care of it, and catered for toddlers and also cooked stacks of finger food for the sdults. Brought it out after the games instead of leaving it on the table from the start too, so some people could not start early! After everyone had a plateful and the cake had been cut, I put a piece of cake on a plate to pop around to my neighbours who's child was in bed with a heavy cold, and so could not join the party. When I came back ( less than 5 mins out of the room, I see all the mums but one were piling food into the paper plates to take home.... " Gosh you have made loads, this will do Dave for his tea" . Huh ???? Is this normal ?????? What is the normal etiquette for kids birthday parties? DO I need to cater for the kids ( and uninvited siblings of course ) or also for mums and the absent dads!!I feel its getting a bit much!

Iggy that is incredibly rude!! I cater for the kids, and have had tea or wine for the grown ups (if they stay). The leftovers are for us!

With kids parties I do try to show on time, because having an entertainer or whatever means things need to start. So saying the first 15 -20 mins should be mad playing. I think it is really bad manners not to show, unless there is a real excuse, like illness and then I would call

Iggy, this is my view: you are providing food for the children, not the mums and it is EXTREMELY rude of these people IMO to decide they will take left overs home without asking you first! I don't blame the parents for picking but I'd usually wait to be invited to help myself at a party as I'd assume the food was for the children. Once you get to older children you may well be paying £6 a head or whatever at a venue to include food so you most certainly won't be providing for the parents too. However, then (at about 4yo IME) the kids just get dropped off and picked up later so the problem doesn't really arise. I also agree that it's very rude not to respond to an invitation or to respond and not turn up. Lateness I don't feel is so serious, since you don't know what made them late - could have been a massive tantrum or something they couldn't control. The whole thing can be infuriating, I agree.

Iggy- my god who are these people??? That is sooo rude!

Here's my tip:
Buy those party boxes. Do up a seperate named box for each (invited!) child, then leave out a few nibbles and the cake for adults etc.

That's always worked well for me - especially becuase my ds's are both gluten free- and thier friends don't like their biscuits (and its too bloody expensive to do a gluten free party anyway!)

Looks like we've all had birthday party "experiences"! One year a mother we used to know cancelled her dd's birthday party the day before as she said she had only been back from holiday for a few days (it was actually a week) and she "couldn't be bothered" to carry on with the party (?) All the class had been invited and already bought presents. Cue lots of disappointed children, and it was in the school summer hols so everyone had kept that day free. The following year the same mother did actually go ahead with her dd's party but didn't get the cake with candles out at the end because she "couldn't be bothered" so her child missed out on everyone singing happy birthday and blowing out her candles. Surely the main point of a birthday party?

Message withdrawn

stripymouse - it was my dh who "received" the invitation from their dad (his best mate). They never write out invitations.

I always try to arrive on time and wouldn't dream of eating the party food until all the children had finished or unless invited to by the host. No-shows are unacceptable unless a suitable apology is later given. There are some very rude people about

Iggy- when mine had parties "at home" I always catered for the mums as well... perhaps they didn't realise (but taking it home...?!)

My 2 middle boys have a birthday the same day so had joint parties. One year I'd invited 4 friends each to MacDonalds. DS1's friends all turned up. Only 1 of DS2s friends arrived. We had to make up the numbers with his other siblings. I was very angry with the other mums & very hurt for DS2.

They'd all said they were coming- except one who I tracked down the day before at school. She was quite off & just said it was too late for her boy (5pm I think). She hadn't planned on trying to find me to let me know.

After that experience I gave up on parties altogether. We try to take them somewhere instead (Longleat went down well).

(Though I will admit to missing a couple of parties mine were invited to... one we completely forgot during the holidays, and one DS3 had left the invite in his tray & didn't tell me )

Breeze - it wasn't at their house thankfully, but I was very confused when the family turned up for another party!!!

Is this a regional thing? We used to live in Oxfordshire, and had bad experiences with parties. Boys were small, so had small parties; but always 2 or 3 (out of only 6 or 8) just failed to show up - forgot or whatever, also very hard to get replies to invites.

We moved last summer, and have just had parties here - NW. We had replies promptly from almost everyone. In total (2 parties) 39 out of 40 kids who accepted, turned up. And the 1 phoned to let us know on the morning!

After seeing the stress one of my friends went through over her ds 1st birthday I came up with an idea for my twin ds 1st.
As it is on 29th Dec most people would be too busy between the Christmas and New Year to bother with them. So last year we went out to the Zoo for the day. This year we will probably do the same and the next the boys can choose where they are going.
Only when they are older will I even consider birthday parties and judging by everyones experiences I may stay with the grand day out idea.
(It probably sounds mean to some people who take their kiddies on days out all the time. We take them out all year but on their birthday make the day out extra extra special. God, written down it sounds dreadful! Promise you they had a great time!)

My dd chose to have a day out instead of a party last year. So no, Paula 71, you're not mean at all. And somehow I think it is better for them not to receive loads of presents every year.

I am seething for all of you....
Maybe I am lucky but I have never had experiences like this and I am quite shocked that people can be so rude! Grrrrrrrrrrr!
Iggy ... for DS's first birthday I didn't bother with a party but for his second and third I did a party and catered for parents too ... Some did take left overs home but only after I asked them to take it off my hands!!!
I try never to be late for children's parties ... it is trendy to be late for grown up parties I suppose but kid's parties have a time limit and generally have something going on.
I might eat my words when I have two children to organise!