No shows at childrens parties

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I've just held a second birthday party for my ds and it never ceases to amaze me that people either dont turn up or come late. Today 3 didnt turn up and 3 were half an hour late. At Christmas when it was my other ds birthday, 3 didnt reply to the invitation and one didnt reply but turned up with 3 of her children when only 1 was invited. Parties are not cheap and the one today cot me 80 quid of which 27 quid was spent on 3 empty places. Why can't people have the decency to reply to party invitations, come if they say they are coming and then at least arrive on time.

ps - yes, our thank yous are often late (has been over a month late in the past ) but better late than never.

dinosaur, but she just shouldn't have invited them all if she didn't have room for them! Strange woman. Jude, ds does say thank you at the time to the child or adult who gave him the present so it's not a case of no gratitude, just no formal thanks. Mmm, maybe I'll re-think this. I would say thank you if it was someone who had just sent a present say and wasn't there on the day.

well ds1 has no concept of presents yet so couldn't really expect him to say thanks! (not that he can anyway). He does draw on the thank you note though.

www don't stress- I wouldn't be offended if I didn't get a thank you for a present. In fact if I'm really short of time then I make sure the aunties etc get one and thank friends myself when I next see them.

dinosaur- glad the party went well....

God, it hadn't crossed my mind to send thank you notes to people when ds and/or I had thanked them at the time in person. Blimey. There's a lot of very polite people out there. Of course, we send notes/call people for posted pressies etc, partly so the people know it's arrived safely.

Dinosaur, I am appalled too.

DD always likes to invite the whole class to her party so we mainly go for the 'at home' option which is far cheaper. I have been nervous about inviting some children because their reputation precedes them but would never exclude anyone for that reason nor withdraw an invite after it had been issued. There are times when I have regretted this, like when DD got hold of, wrote out and distributed a further 15 invites on top of those we had agreed.....!!!! Still 35 kids was, erm, interesting...... but we had plenty of willing adults to keep an eye out.

nobby, I believe it is unnecessary to send notes as well as saying thank you in person.

Message withdrawn

Dynosaur - how strange. Maybe it was this lady's first attempt at organising a party and she just panicked when everyone accepted and she knew her house was too small to successfully cater. I would have cancelled the party and then held it another time, with less invitations. But no excuses for what she did. Mangle time..... maybe next time she will be more organised!

Re: Thankyou notes... I usually include a small homemade card ( Simple coloured card cut into a car shape or something, it does not even fold...almost like a gift tag) in the party pack saying "Thankyou for making my birthday special" and just hope it covers everything! Cop out I know but easier than stacks of cards and trying to remember who gave what pressie.I will do that with the lucky dip toys too next year - Thanks bubbly, what a great idea.
But I always tell my kids to say thank you to their friends for the car/spiderman/bobthebuilder/ that he/she gave him on his birhtday.
Anais - exactly the same thing happened to me! My then two year old once refused to enter a house. We too left the gift outside, then ran before other guests arrived and calmly walked in with their more confident children. I did phone her later to explain and she seemed OK with it.The next party, I bribed him with jelly beans to enter the house and it worked.!Not the best way but ....

Suggestion: Has anyone done a Pinata for a birthday. ? ( Papier Mache covered balloon filled with sweets and toys that the kids (blindfolded ) take turns trying to bash with a baseball bat. )Its great, and so easy to make. The kids love it. I did one ofr my 4 year olds party instead of party bags and lots of mums mentioned that they would do the same....

Regarding 'Thank You' notes - I send them to people who have sent a present (and who we haven't seen in person to thank). People who gave ds presents at his party got a thank you when he opened it, and another one as they were leaving. I am NOT writing thank you notes to them too!

Lisalisa - I'm with you all the way, we do general parties and have extra bags for siblings (having had to take mine to many a party). But one year We had a pony party and as the place only had 6 ponies I had definite numbers, and one mother drove me up the wall (leaving mesages with kids at school, on ever phone number I knew - e-mail) as to whether she would be coming.Because if she couldn't come then we could have invited some-one else.

But this thread is kinda of interesting in that we all agree a) you should reply b) never be late c) remember the present d) say thank you (either verbally or written) e) leave siblings at home...and then come the confessions of parties we've forgotten, not gone too (dd was in casualty), has to bring sisters (dh working), not replied (found the invite 3 weeks after the event), been late (wrote down the wrong time), turned up a week early, been late (trying to find 3 pairs of shoes and the car keys), left present at home,etc etc

Perhaps they should put party rules and manners in the Bounty pack when you leave hospital!!!

I'm with you all on the no reply thing, I'm currently waiting for replies from 25 kids, and I've had 3, fortunately I only have to pay for the kids who turn up, but it is common decency and manners to reply, whether it be by post, email, phone, or even text.

Some people are down right rude, then again some people are so disorganised I really don't know how they live their lives.

I suppose one could put at the end of the invitation "I have to confirm numbers by the xxth of xxxx, so if child will be attending please let us know by then." That way at least you will know in advance which children definately WON'T be coming, rather than hangning on wondering if those who didn't reply are going to turn up anyway....

Just wanted to revive this thread as I'm feeling cross about this atm. Invited 19 to ds1's 5th party last week, had one who didn't RSVP either way, everyone else was a yes. On the day SIX children no-showed (only 5 parents) who were expected. I have had one spontaneous apology (graciously accepted) and one apology from an ex-H I saw in the street who told me his ex-W owed me an apology as she forgot. Oh, also got blanked by another mother in a shop the following day.

Think it's V RUDE not to turn up when you've said you would and then not even have the decency to ring and apologise. Am aware however, that I'm more cross because there were 6: if only 1 had not showed I wouldn't have been bothered, but because it was 6 I'm cross. Because I'd invited 19, the party was fine with 13, but if I'd only invited 12, it would have been a huge disappointment to ds1 only to have 6. Would rather do something else than risk upsetting him in this way.

As it was, ds1 loved his party and was very happy with it, and that's all that really matters. Have already suggested to him tho' that we do something different next year...

I totally agree with you, Ponygirl. It is v rude.
I always invite more children than I would like because Iam terrifed of a large chunck not showing and one of my kids being upset on what is supposed to be a special day.
I keep seeing on these party threads mums advising only inviting aroung 8 or so to a 4 yr old party. Although I would like 8 to come and think this is ok for a young child what if 6 of them didn't show.
For that reason like yourself Iam inviting around 20 to my dds 4 th birthday. Then even if half didn't show it would still be a good number.

The bottom line is I would rather have too many than too little.

I agree it is unpardonably rude, and shows lack of good upbringing.

However, I do think in your case it is compounded by the timing: Everyone is so busy in the run-up to Christmas, that things get forgotten.

One of ds1's friends has a birthday on 29th Dec. Last year they had the same thing - LOADS of no shows. So this year they had his part the day after the broke up from school - result all the kids came ... and they were all as high as kites post-Christmas parties/shows/fayres, etc., and it was utter bedlam!

The whole thing has been a real learning curve. My dd's birthday is Saturday, so I have years of birthday celebrations during/just after the Christmas season to look forward to. Probably better start thinking about nest years' now...

I agree Charlize. Too many will be stressful for you, but your child will be thrilled, and it's all for them at the end of the day. Far better that than the alternative... Good luck with your party!