How do I dispose of the corpse (I'm desperate)

[BearintheBigBlueHouse]

How do I dispose of the corpse once I have offed the effing cat that is using our garden as a toilet?

I am actually reaching the end of my tether with this. Really.

Every morning I have to nip out before the children do and pick up the cat turds that the offending beast has smugly deposited on the lawn/patio/behind the tubs. And when it?s not well, it?s not easy to clean up after it.

It?s not just gross, it?s dangerous. I choose not to have a cat, so why does someone else have the right to subject my children to the possibility of toxoplasmosis or toxicariasis that could leave them blinded or worse.

We have a small garden (30ft by 20ft) which we?ve designed so that DD and DS can make the most of every inch of it on bike/scooter/climbing-frame/seesaw etc. It?s surrounded by fences that are at least 5ft high, so we can?t be accused of inviting pets in, but still the cat comes in every night and does it?s nasty business.

We?ve tried the smelly granules, half-full lemonade bottles and an ultrasonic device, but the cat just takes the piss. Apparently we could try to tack spiky stuff to the top of our fences, but some of the fences are topped with honeysuckle and clematis so it wouldn?t work on those parts and the cat could still get in ? and the stuff is very expensive ? why should I be shelling out when it?s someone else?s property that?s in the wrong. I?ve heard of a pungent shrub called Scardy Cat ? has anyone else heard of it/used it? Again why should I plant up our garden with stinking plants ? it shouldn?t be my problem.

If anyone has any other tried and tested remedies ? please let me know asap. You'll certainly be helping me, you could be saving a cat.

[motherinferior]

And now I am thinking the Wind in the Willows...

[bundle]

[motherinferior]

Bear, I have to say I am rather relieved it's not apparently feline.

[BearintheBigBlueHouse]

Certainly looks like I'm gonna have to stay up, but it'll have to be a night I don't have any beer or wine, 'cause then I'd doze off at 10.30ish as per. Unfortunately there haven't been terribly many booze-free nights recently and I'm not sure there are many on the horizon either (DW's already called to make sure there's something chilling).

In case it's a hedgehog (or a stoat - we're in town - it's not Ambridge LOL) I've stacked bricks against any possible ground level ingress points and will report back on defecation findings first thing tomorrow. I'm thinking of plotting the garden in 10cm squares and logging (still makes me laugh) the positions of droppings to try to establish some kind of pattern, or some kind of extra-terrestrial message. Nobody mentioned little green men. It could be greys using my garden as a kind of cosmic motorway services - a quick snack on an earth slug and a dump before hitting the road again.

We could do a kind of treasure hunt thing, I post the plotted garden plan on the web and you guys pick the square in which you think the fox/hedgehog/stoat/ET is going to curl one down overnight. We could sell the squares and raise cash for a worthy cause. That way it wouldn't piss me off so much, because it was achieving something positive. I might CAT Tech

Anyway, I'll keep you all posted, sh*t spotters.

[anteater]

..a bit like a game of Battleshits!

[robinia]

Lol.

Re. fox poo - when I find ours it doesn't seem particularly smelly. But your decking deposits seem a bit on the small side compared to ours. Can you tell us what diameter they are?[important scientific exploration emoticon needed here].

[BearintheBigBlueHouse]

PSML @ Battleshits. Get Carrie on here - it's about time MN went interactive.

Re size - this morning's was closer to a 50p than a 2p, but not as big as a £2.....

[robinia]

That seems quite small. Our splodgy ones are more like 2" diameter. But then perhaps your foxes don't have a friendly neighbour feeding them up.

[geekgrrl]

that's much smaller than our fox poo. makes me think it must be a hedgehog or other smaller mammal. Certainly not a cat.

[BearintheBigBlueHouse]

We may have some progress. I told you I had blocked the gap under the gate to the lane (a gap of max 3" in height), well there doesn't appear to be any new poo this morning. I have found some old stuff under the rolled up tarp we cover the table with when it's rainy, which would tend to confirm hedgehog rather than fox activity. If anyone needs their poo fix this morning I can photograph that and post it, but like I say it's definitely old and therefore not as gripping as the last two days' offerings.

One swallow a summer does not make, so I'll keep the gate blocked and keep the poo-watch going for a few days yet. However I need the bricks this weekend as I'm builidng a wall, so I'll have to fashion a brand new anti-hedgehog barrier - get the arc welding gear out guys, it's going to be a big job!

Have a good day, y'all

yours ever
Much-happier Bear

[anteater]

Any corpse/poo news??

[BearintheBigBlueHouse]

Sorry - DS has been ill so we've been busy. No poo! Kept the bricks against the bottom of the gate and nothing's got in. I'll alter the gate so that we don't need to use the bricks. I'm gutted that there's likely to be a slug explosion (not literally - yeuchh) on the cards, but runny hedgehog poo was just something up with which I was no longer prepared to put.

I'm a little disappointed that it wasn't a cross between a fox and a kangaroo, bounding over 6 ft fences.

Anyway, thanks all for your help and sorry for the poo pics.

Here endeth the thread.

PS I've just re-read the first post. Ooh wasn't I bitter! Still not keen on cats coming in, but provided they don't crap or spray, they need no longer fear my wrath.

[Louise1980]

I aint read the thread yet but i have to say my piece now as i think i will have to go soon.

Just kill the effin cat the day before your bin gets emptied, black bag in n hide the little devil in the middle of some rubbish.

Sorry but i hate the creatures!!!

[Dophus]

If you can't beat'm join em. The only way to keep a cat put of your garden is to have one yourself. They're nice creatures - honest!

[anteater]

end of thread
Felt a bit like Ace Ventura, Pet Detective..

[motherinferior]

He'll be back

[robinia]

Leave the cats (and other assorted animals alone). They have as much right to a space on planet earth as we do (and probably cause far less damage to it than we do). Just learn how to minimise the inconvenience to you (as bitbbh is doing).