Do you think motherhood replaces the part of us that used to be wild and fun?

[fairyfly]

because i don't, but i really feel in society it is suppossed to. From the moment we concieve we are taught it is the be all and end all. So many peoples opinions effect us, we are not supposed to yearn for freedom. I once told someone i was bored to be answered with a shocked face and a comment of how that can't be possible with children in the house. It also is very apparent from day one that men are allowed to feel this, i was greeted with comments like " let him out, he deserves it". Is mottherhood a new word for Martyrdom.
I am constantly suprised at the school gates by women who have not been out for years. I think as much as they don't realise they are downtrodden and lost. I understand a fair few women are so in love with their children they never want to leave them. There purpose is to make me feel guilty i think, don't trust them either. I think with every single labour you should push out a babysitter at the same time.

I don't hang around doormat people personally, FF. I haven't got time to listen to their moans whilst they do nothing but complain. The energy and time people spend on whinging can be used to make a change or improvement in their lives.

'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,' is how I see it.

I don't feel sorry for whingers. They seem to enjoy their misery, even it's not a conscious effort.

Married to a person who takes advantage of you and treats you like a maidservant/whore/doormat? Either get him to counseling or go yourself. Put up w/it or go. Fish or cut bait. Shit or get off the pot.

I really don't have patience for those who do otherwise.

But that's just me.

but do agree with fairyfly's supposition, some mothers revel in the martyrdom - it boarders on slavery sometimes servitute at best

i just found out at the weekend that my mum loves dark chocolate. she had never eaten it the whole time she was married to my dad because she
a. was told chocolate makes you fat by dad
b. didnt want to waste housekeeping money on chocolate for herself

says a lot to me

gonna buy her a big box of the stuff

'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent'
I think that's a bit smug tbh

Fairyfly, I think sometimes when women have very small children they don't have the energy to be wild and fun. I have a few friends with older children and they certainly seem to be getting back in touch with their wild, fun side.
I know as mine are getting older, sleep better and need less physical input from me, I have more energy for doing my own fun stuff.
I really do think that endless "low-grade" tiredness that seems to afflict most women with very young children does sap the fun out of us.

it's a quotation for eleanor roosevelt, ninah, and i find it anything but smug.

I think wild and fun is a state of mind and you can be it in your own home, tired or not, having a child isn't a debilitating illness.

nailpolish, that story says it all, she should have a bath in it

expat, some women are trapped in abusive relationships without their consent

Hmmm, sometimes the endless tiredness I endured felt like a debilitating illness FF!!! I honestly believe that it altered my state of mind and sometimes you need a bit of a kick start to get back to the fun you again.
Having just done a pole-dancing course, I don't think I'm a boring martyr but I know I wouldn't have had the energy to do it 2 years ago.

agree with bugsy. also agree with expat - my priorities have changed. i realised i was ready for children (well as ready as you can be! ) when many of the things that used to be so "wild and fun" start to seem empty, shallow and pointless.

all a matter of context

not heard that before but it seems pretty truthful to me

i agree with the consent thing - by letting someone take the piss - your consenting by default - that includes kids

They're trapped mostly by their own lack of confidence, nailpolish. And no, it is not their fault. It's almost always the fault of their upbringing. I worked as a translator in a social work department long enough to learn that. No one can give them that confidence if they don't want to work on it themselves, unfortunately, and even then it's a hard slog fraught with many obstacles. That is why it is so heartbreaking and challenging to work in that area. But I've seen women who get there! And can and does happen.

I fail to see how 'no one can make you feel inferior w/o your consent' is an indictment of woman who stay in abusive relationships. It was written by a suffregette. A woman who campained all her life - the first half of the 20th century - for women's rights.

yep ok maybe it was in the context of the rest of the post ... but that's just me

For the freedom of women to vote and later, to leave those people who abuse them and their kids. For laws that allow them to do that, that give them control over their bodies, for government funding for welfare programs for people escaping such tragedy to have shelter and food till they get back on their feet, for marital rape to be tried as the crime it is in the court system, etc.

you just seemed to be dismissing everyone in this unhappy state of affairs as a 'whinger'

honestly, i understand some women don't want to,that is not my point. I am talking about women who are unhappy and should in my opinion learn to laugh again. wild and fun can be anything to anyone. Not neccesarily getting pissed and snowbaording. It can be farting in your husbands face of you so please, I have no idea how other people get their kicks, what i am concerned about is people who aren't. If you are hppy and tired at home then fantastic. Some women just seem imprisoned in their lost identity.

I think that saying is smug as it is bullshit and sounds like a bad therapist.Many people can make you feel inferior, what you can have control of is how long for, how much you will let it effect you and how you are going to train your mind to do something about it.

I think the last thing a woman in that situation needs is more condemnation

Gimme a break, ninah! FF was talking about mothers who moan about getting dinner together on time.

I've spent a lot of time working with people who can only dream of having a regular dinner to put together for their families at all, but who are happy they made it to the UK in one peace and whose only desire is to be granted asylum to rebuild their shattered lives here. It puts 'happiness' in a whole different perspective. So yeah, to me, people who live in a house that's not overrun by damp, rodents and vermin, not surrounded by drug dealer, users or racist gangs, who can fall asleep at night knowing their home and kids won't be blown up or their sleep broken by gunfire and/or warriors bursting in and raping and murdering their family in front of them don't have a lot to complain about.

seems a bit unimaginative to me, but we'll agree to differ

Guess so, ninah. It's hard for some me to imagine some of the depositions and statements I take from these people.

Yes I want to be wild and nutty like I once was but just can't be bothered coz I'm too tired and to do so involves such organisation it defeats the purpose. See my other post about being middle aged. Heck I feel like I'm 50 this week, not 36.