Do you think motherhood replaces the part of us that used to be wild and fun?

[fairyfly]

because i don't, but i really feel in society it is suppossed to. From the moment we concieve we are taught it is the be all and end all. So many peoples opinions effect us, we are not supposed to yearn for freedom. I once told someone i was bored to be answered with a shocked face and a comment of how that can't be possible with children in the house. It also is very apparent from day one that men are allowed to feel this, i was greeted with comments like " let him out, he deserves it". Is mottherhood a new word for Martyrdom.
I am constantly suprised at the school gates by women who have not been out for years. I think as much as they don't realise they are downtrodden and lost. I understand a fair few women are so in love with their children they never want to leave them. There purpose is to make me feel guilty i think, don't trust them either. I think with every single labour you should push out a babysitter at the same time.

FF I think that, that is really sad poor women. The way you describe it sounds more like my mother's and gran's generation .

my mum said my I will put a strain on my marriage if I go on holiday alone with the children, even though my husband has agreed to it

Well, that's not giving those women much credit now, is it? You make your bed and you lie in it. But everyone has different - or varying levels of confidence and what they need to do to feel of value to themselves.

I'm not one to have meals ready on time, but if it floats someone else's boat when then obviously they've a reason for doing that and frankly as it's none of my business, I don't much care.

Maybe they're not 'terrified', maybe they just can't think of what else to do or can't be bothered.

Some people are more determined than others to be miserable. Far be it from me to analyse their lot. I've got my own hell to raise, so to speak.

Bloody right, if a man can't cook it's because his mother and his wife have let him get away with it IMO. Anyone can make an omelette or a salad for their dinner once in a while ffs.
I must say I don't know anyone who has the sort of relationship your describe FF - ie the man is "i want my dinner on the table at 8pm sharp" type. Do they still exist in this day and age?

my dp dont wont cook but if im out he can find his way to a takeaway-think some people just conform to whoever (school/work/husband) because thats the way they are and probably way they will always be -these women have probably never be wild and let their hair down and obviously thats their loss
i spent so much of my twenties being wild and irresponsible i dont feel the need now-but i still know how to have fun (on the odd occasion !)

Cd, these men do exist. I wouldn't be with one personally but I read about them all the time here.

yes up here in the northern territories that terrible stereotype is all to often the norm

tell you what, my mum used to do everything, and I mean everything, for my dad, and now he is on his own he is hopeless. Not good imo

c.d. they do in this village. hehe.

I am giving the women credit, im not judging them , i am just highlighting how many unhappy restricted women exist. I speak to them daily, they look at me and say, i wish i could get out, i wish i could get a break, with sad eyes.
They have met men and from day one mothered them and supported them at the ex[ense of their own identity. They have taught themselves they are not allowed to have fun. I went on a girls holiday and mopthers told me they would love to go but they are not allowed. Of course some women can't be arsed. somje women don't enjoy them, some women piuss themselves laughing everyday and have husbands wo are their best mates. But some women........are scared, miserable, lonely and lost and cannot for the life of them be assertive, make a change, or step out of line.

I really resent that northern stereotype, IT HAPPENS EVERYWHERE

must say i dont see it as much nowadays. i see boring mothers with their boring routines though

Ha it's interesting isn't it: personally I am knackered, having a very feisty 18 month old, a part-time teaching job, and staying in a big house that just does need lots of work. I expend so much of my brain power on working out what needs to be done and who is going to do it and when that tbh I have no time left to organise nights out/things at the weekend etc. I do feel boring, but I also feel that I need to be a bit boring atm because otherwise I'm going to run myself into the ground. That said I always have a great time when I/we go out, maybe should do it more.

I think there are definitely people who do the 'must make dinner for my husband' kind of thing and then there are those who use it as an excuse because they're overwhelmed with stuff to do. I am the latter, but I have a good friend who is the former (and was before they had a child). She is slowly just ebbing away, her whole life is now her husband and her son, she's in therapy - where her therapist told her she had a martyr complex (could have told her that for free). She hates the idea of looking back and not being able to say she devoted herself entirely to her family, even if it's way over the top and making her desperately unhappy. I think in her mind, motherhood is a kind of martyrdom - but honestly, much as I love my friend, that attitude makes me shudder.

sorry fio 2 its probably cause im a northern stereotpe (ie nver go south of the watford gap) that i said that whoops ypur right stereotypes arent good and should be avoided

I am a northern stereotype too lunchic apparently

you cant judge anyone elses life by your owm standards either i hate that what looks boring to you may be the height of stimulation to someone else it isnt fair to jugde

yes you are right, my friends Mum absolutely adores cleaning and will cut short a shopping trip to get bacvk to clean her precious toilet!

had a baby drop at the kitchen sink yet fio2 (as in monty python >>)....when we were young we lived in a hole in the ground ...etc etc

mmmmm im just off for a day tidying my wreck if you see me on here please tell me off
i dont love doing it but if i could actually get it tidy and bnice i would love the end result (heres hoping !)

I'm not judging anyone by my own standards. I am completely aware we are all different. I am using my intuition and brain to point out some women are incredibly unhappy. I am not saying all women must go out and have fun. I can tell the difference between a woman who is enjoying her family so much she doesn't want to leave them and someone is so miserable she doesn't know what to do about it. I am really good friends with someone who hasn't had sex or a deep discussion with her husband for 5 years, They co exist. I took her out and she cried at the end of the nigh as she had forgotten she was allowed to let her soul sing.

gees 5 years id crack up and prob be taken away in a straight jacket -couldnt live like that id have to force the issue

ff, now dont get all sad, these women, it IS a shame, but they could change things, get out more, not cook tea at preciseley 6pm once in a while, but they dont do it, they just carry on as normal, there is nothing stopping them making changes. if they did do all the things they said they wanted to they would have nothing to moan about. some people just like moaning

(of course i know there are exceptions, some people are trapped, im not making sweeping assumptions)

i just have lots of people i know who moan - about their dh not cooking/cleaning, they never get out etc etc etc when i know for a fact these things would be easy to rectify

the usual answer is "i cant be bothered"

Some people are just too wedded to their own idea of perfection - I think it's more about them than it is about them being worried what other people will think, including husbands.

They do moan. They want you to feel sorry for them sometimes. ( just some women, not abused or any other that i may get in trouble about) They tell you they have so much to do and their husbands sit down and scratch their arses. Well throw a bucket of water over him.

I need to nick the idea of giving birth to a child and babysitter at the same time for my passive birth thread. DO you mind?

FF I hear every word you say. You sound enlightened!

My mother in law made her whole life around having children. She's almost 60, still works monday-friday. My father in law is semi retired (works two days a week). He waits for her to get home to make his evening meal and never does a thing around the house. When the kids went to university, she was depressed for a few years. My dh used to drop his clothes on the bedroom floor for her to pick up, that was how he was raised

I used to think it was a generational thing but I'm still in touch with some school friends who are making exactly the same bed for themselves.

i revel in being being strange i hate being normal. so you absolutley will find me skateboarding with my youngest son - am not any good but that doesn't matter, i do becuase i want to and i don't care what othe people think.

not the christmas coming but hopefully the christmas after we are going snowboarding and skiing for the first time ever ever and and and i cant wait - we are doing it whilst we are young enough to heal nicely from a broken leg and the kids are old enough to appreciate it.

eggsellent!

forgot dancing in the front room on regular basis and compulsory singing in car.