run 'em out of town

[Tortington]

does anyone else think we are a visious lot?

the tone on mumsnet can be disturbing
is that sensitivity thresholds have been lowered or smirky nasty inbetween the line kinda comment more privalent?

any one else any views?

Nonono... I didn't think you were humourless at all! Am just in a really silly mood now. My excuse is that I'm on cleaning avoidance...

... someone please reply quick or I'll have to get the windolene out.

www - I totally agree about the fact that the thoughful nature of the posts are the key difference between mumsnet and other sites - and I think it IS important - that's what the Mumsnet books are about, after all. You couldn't produce them from a chatroom. I like the fact that debates arise spontaneously, morph, change and people can have fierce differences of views without, normally, resorting to spiteful comments about individuals or those pointed comments about unamed people. Though some do get out of hand, admittedly, usually there is a degree of making up afterwards. Is is more thoughtful than other sites and quite unique, I think, and I don't and wouldn't bother to even look at other sites.

Aloha, as a mum of a special needs child I'm really sorry that you feel you can't post as freely for fear of upsetting us. I for one love hearing what everyone's children are accomplishing, it certainly doesn't make me upset, just glad for whoever has posted. And please don't feel like you can't post in SN if you have something you want to say.

I always find your posts very interesting and well laid out fwiw.

Aloha - I think it's a real shame that you think the PROUD thread has petered out because people are scared to put how well their kids are doing incase it upsets a SN mum! Do you really think that? I'm sure you don't mean that, do you? I would NEVER feel funny about other poples kids doing well. All kids are individulas and do stuff at different times. From what i know of the other Mums I've chatted to on SN they all seem such a lovley bunch I'm sure they would agree. I have about 15 close girlfirends who all have kids who don't have SN and I love hearing about what they are up to, i'd be pretty wierd and nasty if I didn't, it makes no difference to me whether Charlotte is or isn't doing the same thing. Please tell me you don't think that myself and other Mums with SN kids think that way.
Also I'm sorry you feel that the special needs thread is so seperate. i guess it is a little bit but that's because sometimes things that I, and maybe the same goes for other Mums, are so specific to other Mums who have SN children that it would seem that way. I personally have found a huge comfort in speaking to others who are 'in my boat'. That's not to say that I wouldn't want to speak to / appreciate advice from any Mum on Mumsnet. I do feel that sometimes Mums who are in my situation may understand a liitle bit more where I'm coming from when i get upset about stuff or frustrated. It's an open thread though and everyone's welcome there, of course they are. Having said that when paople come on talking about SN kids being burdens, or are a little insensitive they have to expect they are going to upset virtually EVERY mother on there and it is a very specific sight in that respect. I have to say that although a times i've felt a little upset by comments, and in turn may have upset otheres, I've never done so intentionally and I'm really pleased I discovered Mumsnet and find it interesting, funny and supportive.

Custardo

I've been following the recent threads you've been involved with and I agree with you to some extent.

However I don't have the time to become a prolific poster but don't mind at all if various 'on-line' friendships are blossoming between those that do - its just a reflection of society generally.

The great thing about mumsnet is that we should all be able to get out of it what we want - weather that's advice on car seats or chit chat between on-line friends you've made. There seems to be plenty of discussion topics of interest so I just pick and choose depending on my mood/time available etc.

Re the trolls postings - just try not to get drawn in!

Custy - dunno it you are having a deep pshycological effect on me, but I had a dream about you the other night!

Weird coz I don't even know what you look like! In my dream you were early 30's and quite short (same height as me)?? Anywhere close? If so then that's spooky.

Just want to clarify that I couldn't give a flying xxxx if posters are "new" or "old" - the more the merrier.

Memo to self: stop posting, start packing.

willow2, me neither, I was just saying I miss some people, not that new people aren't welcome (blimey, really trying not to upset anyone here!) now, get on with your packing!

Hi all,
Here's what we've decided to do. Tonight Tech's going to start a new Chat topic thread, which will appear at the bottom of the topics list on the talk home page and the last day/ find new messages pages (by the way it may have to be called zzchat, to make sure it appears at the bottom of the page, but don't let this put you off). We've been umming and ahhing about this for some time and as the current system seems to be periodically causing tension it seems sensible to make a change.
We have nothing against the chat threads per se - many have said they find them a relief/ a support if they're feeling isolated etc. However it's clear that many of those who do not want to get involved in threads of this nature are finding that they make the site a pain to navigate. Hopefully this is a good solution.

On a slightly more censorious note - and we hope you all know how much we hate to intervene/ sound preachy - we'd really appreciate it if folks could refer to the mumsnet talk philosophy on the talk home page. A number of people have been offended recently by mumsnet discussions and this isn't what we are here for. We are all for freedom of speech and the right to express your opinion but if you can take a moment to reflect on your posts and whether they might be uneccessarily offensive (or even misconstrued as offensive) before posting we'd be grateful. Equally if you think someone might have over-stepped the mark, maybe take a moment to reflect that this medium can make perfectly innocent comments sound more agressive than they're meant to be or, even better, rise above it. As many have pointed out, most of these disagreements wouldn't occur if the discussions were taking place face to face. Anyway, we won't bang on any more. The bottom line is that mumsnet's here to make people's lives easier, not the reverse.
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

Poor Zsa Zsa - she's really got it in the neck now.

Thanks Justiner - I think it's a shame that you are having to intervene.

Was it really causing you all SOOO much grief in your life that you couldn't just let it lie???

Hope you are all happy now. I still feel it's a bit of playground tactics to all gang up to 'get rid of the chatty thread'. But there you go.

Oh No, what's happened, am I being totally thick? i don't really understand what's happening now. Apart from there being a new topic thread will everything else stay the same? HELP, I don't get it and I'm all confused!!!!!!!!
I so hope that it hasn't all changed, Mumsnet is fine and lovely and great and shouldn't be messed with.

Should I be crying? What's happening to Mumsnet?
Can we not start another topic thread call GROUP HUG and all start again with each other and promise to be nice and also to not be oversensitive and stuff. I'm starting one now!

M2T, as mumsnet has grown, Justine & Carrie et al have gradually increased the number of topics to make it easier for people to get to the topics of interest to them. Introducing a chat topic is exactly the same.

You are obviously really lucky in that you have time to read and post on lots of the threads, often tens of times an hour! Some of us lesser mortals don't get this opportunity and are really glad that a slightly different re-arrangement will make it easier to see the couple of threads we get to read at a time.

Please, you don't need to get so defensive.

And custy, sorry to hear you're feeling got at. Actually I always thought you were immune to any personal remarks, so you must be feeling bad. Hugs.

And Zsa Zsa, when you do a normal post, you're interesting. The rest of the time you're completely unreadable. It's OK to be normal, you know.

Thomcat please don't worry - all that's happening is that there will be an area for the chatty threads just as there is an area for food, behaviour, site stuff etc. type threads. There's really nothing sinister about it.

I have to admit I was a little surprised when Eidsvoid posted her job news on the SN thread - hey, we all want you to get the job - honest. Not a criticism though .... ooh, it all feels a bit fragile. I absolutely appreciate what you are saying Thomcat and Lou33, I suppose you might think it's a taste of our own medicine to feel excluded eh? (joke!) I suppose what I am trying to say is that the wonder of Mumsnet is that mums are mums and kids are kids despite differences of class, income, health etc etc (interesting class thread, I recall once, actually) and I suppose I did feel like that about the Proud thread - I actually told my dh that I felt very awkward posting about ds when so many children here had such struggles to contend with and I thought it might be construed as insensitive. But I'm reassured by your response and feel better for getting it out in the open. As for the rest of all this mess, I, for one, have been trying to make an effort to understand other people's views a bit more (difficult as I am extremely opinionated !!!) and post less controversially (honest!). But I still hope that people will feel free to say what they honestly believe and that the Mumsnet tradition of talking about things in the world amusingly and openly - be they TV shows, politics or babies' sleeping habits. I think Mumsnet is probably at it's best when it is about other things than the site and the posters. Which probably means I should stop posting on this thread and add something wise and witty to something else.... or get on with a dull feature I have to write...

PS Nah, they would never have been paid enough to get a house. Otherwise I'd be volunteering for the next series - bath scene and all...

It is a bit all eggshells at the mo isn't it Aloha? I'm glad there is a special needs topic though. It's really no different from a pregnancy or breastfeeding area, just another subject requested by the mums. And although I do have a son who is disabled I also have 3 other children who aren't, and post about them too.

I just hope we can all get some equilibrium back soon. Hope you are less worried now though, and we keep hearing from you.

New zzchat area at the end of all the other threads seems a good idea because then it won't slow the download for the other stuff.(am I right?) At least good for those like me who don't much like the long conversation type chats. Personally I think they lower the tone of mumsnet (which always seemed of a higher quality compared to every other site I've seen) but then I'm a cranky old boot with snobbish tendancies so what would I know?

zzchat?! Is that where you talk in your sleep?

Oh aloha - I did not do that with the thought of excluding anyone - just felt that as I had built up a closer relationship ( as such) with the mums in SN, i wanted to let them know particularly and wasn't sure if they would read the going back to work/childcare thread. Sorry you felt that it was excluding you.... did not see how that would be misconstrued.

and no offence taken

And Scummymummy posts another classic. How does she do it?

I somehow managed to post this on another thread. I am out of practice. Just catching up after a couple of weeks and really don't feel inspired by all this mullarkey.

Bobbins, you noodle you just had me whisking through the thread in question wondering where the Scumster's post was!
How is the new job going - really well I hope although it has had a bad effect on your posting, you've been missed!

Marina - snap.

Re chat threads: Can I just make a tincy wincy suggestion (only one I've made or will make)? Since the threads do take up rather a bit of the Active Conversations page and they are meant to be ephemeral, could they be deleted after 24 hours? Maybe? Possibly?

Jasper

Ooh dear I seem to have offended people in my absence!

Aloha you mad thing!!! I quite like having 2 proud threads. For example on the behaviour/development proud thread I can post things like becoming toilet trained- big achievements in any childs life. However on the SEN proud thread I can post other things- like- I don't know- DS carried a lunch box to the car today (as he couldn't ever walk and carry things at the same time) things that seem like nothing for normal kids- but other SEN mothers would understand the relevence of. Not trying to exclude anyone, but it's the same in real life. When DS1 took off his pants and pooed on the floor- I rang my SEN friends to tell them (because they understood that was good) iyswim. MOthers of normal kids tended to be a bit horrified and I had to explain why that was good!

And I've upset WWW. The reason I moaned a bit about the posting on the SN thread was that it was a very emotive subject - and there was another discussion on the same topic in in the news. I felt that in the SN threaqd eidsvold was going for support rather than discussion- whilst the in the news was quite reasonably discussion. HOWEVER because I always enter threads through the index I didn't realise it was possible to confuse topics etc so I perfectly accept that I was unreasonable there. I did apologise on the in the news thread for mistaking zebra's comments about society with her own views- but she did the same about our views. Such emotive discussions do tend to get heated- but I do think at the end of that particular discussion most people actually agreed. The arguments appeared to be centred around misunderstandings.

Anyway I for one am going to be posting a lot less form now on. No-one's offended me- we've just been to BIBC and received a home programme for DS1 and it's going to take a lot of time.

I will post about BIBIC sometime soon when I have the energy (3 days of BIBIC and believe me we're all exhausted)- I haven't decided yet whether to put it into SN or Behaviour (mainly because I want it to go where people it might help will see it and I haven't decided which is most relevant). Feel free to read it wherever it is though!