Just when we thought everything was getting better.....
The World Health Organisation today (WHO) issued a new warning against
non-essential travel to the entire Western hemisphere following renewed
concerns about the spread of Severe Loss of Perspection Syndrome (SLOPS for
short).
Officials are warning travellers not to visit the UK, the US, almost all of
Western Europe, and Canada, following further outbreaks of the disease,
which has led to mass panic among the media, thousands of ecstatic children
being kept out of school by their credulous and moronic parents, and
increased profits for DIY stores as the idiot public rush to bulk-buy face
masks and boiler suits.
A WHO spokesman said, "You'd be much better off going to somewhere like
Thailand or China, because all you've got to worry about there is SARS, and
let's face it, you're about as likely to die from that as you are to get
kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns."
The SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six months,
which apparently makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria, which only kills
around 3000 people every single day. Malaria, however, mainly affects people
that speak foreign, whereas SARS has made at least one English person feel a
bit iffy for a couple of days, and is therefore considered much more
serious.
The spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic proportions, with many
high-level politicians seemingly affected by the disease. The rapid spread
of SLOPS has been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the need for
Western leaders to give the public something to worry about. Otherwise, they
might start asking uncomfortable questions about domestic issues, and that
simply would not do.