Help me write a witty letter of complaint?

[Pacific]

I was hoping some witty mumsnetters could help me write a letter to Walkers crisps. I am absolutely hopeless at funny writing and want to write this letter as a bit of a laugh.

I bought a huge box of 32 packs of crisps in Lidl the other day. When I got home, I found one pack had got folded in the sealing machine and was open and all 25g of crisps were lying in the bottom of the box. I counted the rest of the packs and found there were only 31!

So I was going to write to Walkers to complain but considering that each pack worked out at less than 5p per bag, I wanted to give them a laugh in customer services.

Help please? The wittiest reply will win a packet of cheese and onion!

Bump.

Ask whether Gary Linekar is in charge of their packing department

Thank you for your replies.

Anyone help?

Dear Mr Walker,

Thank you for introducing your new packaging arangements - the self pack bags are invaluable for cutting down the number of crisps I need to feed my children for their lunch. There have been a few complaints about the new portion size but I think that they will get used to the 2 crisps each after a while.

you could try and model it on this somehow - this one is hysterical
[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-c omplaint-letter.html]]

Thank you Anifrang.

Anyone else?

or it would be if i posted it right
www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-complaint-letter.html