could you leave your kids?

[mytwopenceworth]

i was reading a magazine today and one of the articles was from this woman who had walked out on her husband and young children to be with this bloke who she had lost of sex with and all the passion blah blah blah. she said she didnt feel guilty about leaving the kids as she saw them around and they looked happy.

now i know that there are lots of circumstances where someone has no choice and im not saying everyone regardless of circumstances who lives away from their kids is horrible, but this particular case of a 'mother' walking out so she can get laid by some bloke 3 times a day? i think thats disgusting

how can a mother walk out on her babies to be with some bloke? i just dont understand it. dh and i were discussing it and i mentioned that if we ever split up (wont happen!) that i wouldnt stop him seeing the kids. he said thats because he would stay with them. we ended up 'arguing' about it and eventually had to agree that if we ever did split up we'd have to still live together cos neither of us is prepared to even contemplate living away from our kids!! Thats cos the thought alone is so painful, so how can someone do it for the sake of shags???

never in a million years it would be a life worse than death without my boys no no no no

No

The only way I could ever contemplate it is, like trefusis, they would be better off in every way.

Dino - Ah so she did! A happy ending to a horrible situation. Is she still around? I'm sure she changed her name eh?

I feel as most do here..... the prospect makes me feel sick. However, in the depths of PND I did believe that DS and DH would be better if I just left.

but to leave for another bloke??? Those poor children, they'll never forgive her.

darlingbud. yes please!

interesting trefusis. somehow it is seen as not as big a deal, and some men do walk out on their partner (and so leave their kids) to be with another woman. all i know is my bond with my kids is so strong that not being with them would kill me. i just thought that was being a parent! if you go back to my original post, my dh feels the same way - he couldnt leave his kids and im sure if you asked your dhs/dps, they'd say the same. so i suppose then why is it 'ok' for a man to leave his kids but not a woman? that gets us into the whole maternal giving birth thing, which i have always hated cos that is like saying that a dad doesnt love his kids as much as a mum, which i dont agree with. my dh loves our kids every bit as much as me. i think its just as wrong for a man to walk away from his kids for shags as it is for a woman.

I hated leaving my dd1, when I left xw. I tried to stay for a year before realising that staying meant she was growing up only ever hearing her mum and me row. It broke my heart to leave her behind and I miss her everyday.

Nope, never ever. They might annoy the pants off me from time to time, but the thought of not being in their lives, and them not in mine, is too awful to contemplate.

no, never, and neither can husband, therefore we are stuck under same roof for rest of natural life - can think of worse things

maybe this is why Edward and Fergie lived in the same house after splitting up.
I couldn't even imagine having to leave.

Don't you mean Andrew and Fergie? . They clearly still love each other, which is sometimes different.

On the topic of the Royals, Princess Di's mother left her four children for another man, didn't she?

I can't imagine leaving my children but sometimes people have their reasons. My friend's SIL knew she was dying and had her children adopted beforehand so she could know they'd be well cared for after she'd gone. Another sad case I knew of was a woman who lived in the house my mum and dad once owned, many years ago. The woman just disappeared one day, with only her raincoat, leaving two or three children. There was not a single sign of her until about 15yrs later, a few weeks before her dd's wedding day. Workmen clearing a bramble patch came across her body. She'd lain there, no more than about 100yds from her family, for all those years.

My mum did and still feels the guilt 34 years later.

My best friends mother left them all when they were in their early teens for a younger man. Although she tried to maintain a relationship only 1 of her 3 children will have anything to do with her. They basically feel their loyalty is to their father. For years I've tried to help my friend "make peace" and try to forgive but now I am a mother I find it harder to understand and don't think she should be forgiven. Her actions have affected her children into adulthood and I think she was selfish.

Never ever. I know someone who has recently and I know that she wil regret it.

not a silly question btw. Of course there are women who would.

Someone I know wanted to leave her husband after 15 years together - no-one else involved. She wanted things to be as amicable as possible so set up home round the corner for her and the two children. However, 12 year old ds1 blames her totally, won't speak to her and has stayed with his Dad whilst 5 year old ds2 has moved with Mum. A horrible, horrible situation which she has to live with until ds1 is old enough to understand, which might not be until he has children of his own .

It's not as unusual as you may think.

My dss's mum left him and dh when ds was 4 to be with another man. 8 Years later she has just had a daughter.

A girl I met in hospital was stepmum to two children whose mum had left when they were 4 and 7.

dh's hairdressers's mum left her and her 2 siblings when they were in their early teens and she now lives next door to them.

Whilst I could never contemplate leving my dd, I think that there are some circumstances in which women feel so desparately unhappy for any number of reasons. Thy may genuinely feel their children may be better off without them and who are we to judge?

dh doesn't forgive his ex wife but ds is a happy, sensible and stable 12 year old who still loves his birth mother and neither dh or I have the wish or the right to take that away from him.

I also remember a very popular mumsnetter posting that they felt their child was better off without them about two years ago because she was going through a terribly depressing time. With support from here and her dh, she got through it, but would she have been condemned if she had gone through with it?

My mum and dad split when I was 11 months old. Mum left home, set up in a place of her own and her intention was to get me and my brother back when she was s ettled in. She didn't reckon on my dad though who fought her all the way in the courts and won custody of us. She never ever believed it would turn out that way but was too naive at the time. She subsequently remarried a man who had 2 kids and she ended up losing her own 2 only to have to bring up 2 others who weren't hers. She has regretted her decision not to take us with her all of her life.

Utterly wrong IMO to choose a better shag over your kids though - disgraceful.

Similar story - a good mate of mine left her (horrible) husband to move in with her new bloke, leaving her 2 kids behind on the assumption she'd be able to collect them a few days later when she & new chap had a decent flat to take them to - much to her surprise husband decided to fight her for custody & won. After much to-ing & fro-ing & awfulness for everybody, she's now accepted they're best with their dad - he might be a total arse as a husband, but he's a very good father & anyway they're settled at school, etc.

She's the first to admit that she should never have left without them, but at the time the situation between her & the husband was so poisonous she really didn't feel she had a choice but to pack a bag & walk out.

of course I could leave my kids if it was in their best interest and my continued prescence in their lives would be detrimental to them... I would take on any amount of personal pain if it meant my kids were happy.. can not ever imagine what situation would cause this and in no way would it ever be a bloke... did enough men and relationships before the kids to know what I feel for them is way over and above anything you could get from men...

trefusis,you're ace
i think this is an interesting thread,now taht the bigger picture is appearing.bit sad tho.

my mother in law [except im not married] left dp and his little bro when they were seven and tenish.
its awfully awfully sad,she still feels guilt but also thinks that she had no other option.

from waht i can gather dp's dad was bullying ,drunk and tight...rarely there etc..but wealthy.she was penniless when she left.

as it happens the kids were then deserted again and left to the paternal grandparents to bring up..in poverty!

i just cannot understand it.she is the loveliest woman you could ever meet!
dp is classic 'wont let anyone too close'now