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Original poster

could you leave your kids?

80 replies

mytwopenceworth · 02/06/2005 21:01

i was reading a magazine today and one of the articles was from this woman who had walked out on her husband and young children to be with this bloke who she had lost of sex with and all the passion blah blah blah. she said she didnt feel guilty about leaving the kids as she saw them around and they looked happy.

now i know that there are lots of circumstances where someone has no choice and im not saying everyone regardless of circumstances who lives away from their kids is horrible, but this particular case of a 'mother' walking out so she can get laid by some bloke 3 times a day? i think thats disgusting

how can a mother walk out on her babies to be with some bloke? i just dont understand it. dh and i were discussing it and i mentioned that if we ever split up (wont happen!) that i wouldnt stop him seeing the kids. he said thats because he would stay with them. we ended up 'arguing' about it and eventually had to agree that if we ever did split up we'd have to still live together cos neither of us is prepared to even contemplate living away from our kids!! Thats cos the thought alone is so painful, so how can someone do it for the sake of shags???

OP posts:
Mhamai · 02/06/2005 21:43

ps he's just with him for one night and already can't wait to get him in the morning!!!

pixiefish · 02/06/2005 21:46

Joash- your friend thought she was doing the best thing for her kids and left them with their dad because she loved them- that i can understand in a way.
I used to have a nightmare that whilst i was at work i contracted some horrible virus thing that meant i'd contaminate dd so for her sake i had to stay away from her. That still makes me cry but when i have the nightmare i wake up and can't sort my head out at all about it.
Some women really have no choice but like i said before - not for a fella

joash · 02/06/2005 21:50

couldn't agree more Pixiefish

hatsoff · 02/06/2005 22:08

having kids and realising that I could never leave them has been incredibly painful for me - cos my father left us when we were young. I was hurt at the time, but as I got older and a bit wiser about relationships, I kind of "let him off", thought, yeah well, relationships end, people change etc. then I had kids and it has brought me to the horribly painful but logical conclusion that he simply didn't love me enough. He could have stayed - my mum would have had him. but he didn't. And I'm not sure I can ever, really, forgive him.

snafu · 02/06/2005 22:09

For a bloke? Never in a million years.

darlingbud · 02/06/2005 22:10

no never.

I wonder if anyone will post the contrary on here though?

katierocket · 02/06/2005 22:11

oh god no one is going to say yes are they.
sorry but a pointless thread IMO

MN seems to be full of this sort of stuff nowadays

snafu · 02/06/2005 22:11

Well, obviously the 32 people who replied before you didn't think it was that pointless a question, kr...

katierocket · 02/06/2005 22:12

fair enough
I just long for an interesting thread again with thought provoking conversation.
I shall bow out to leave another 32 to write "no of course not!"

snafu · 02/06/2005 22:14

I think it is thought-provoking to consider situations - like joash's - where you might.

Or perhaps you should start your own, more interesting, thread?

darlingbud · 02/06/2005 22:14

KR - if you want something more thought provoking - what do you want to discuss? can you start a thread?

nutcracker · 02/06/2005 22:21

My mom left us when she divorced my dad. We wanted her to go though which although it sounds terrible (and was) it is true.

When the divorce proceedings started my elder brother said he wanted to stay with our dad. The more i tohught about it the more i realised i did too. Hrad desicion for an 11 yr old to make but it was what I wanted.
Anyway had to fight and fight cos no one thought it should be allowed, even had my own soliciter who wrote to my mom basically aying that I had been advised to keep leaving if custody was given to my mom, and thats when she gave up and moved out.

I would never leave my kids but if i were in her position and my kids really wanted to live with their dad then I wouldn't stand in their way however much it hurt me.

assumedname · 02/06/2005 22:24

A friend of mine left her 2 children for another man. Madly in love with him. Her rationale was that they were better off with their father in the home they knew, at the schools where their friends were.

joash · 02/06/2005 22:25

If it's any consolation - I don't think it's a pointless thread. I would never have considered leaving my kids and agree with most that the only way to seperate us would be over my dead body. However, something major happened in my life and the circumstances were such that I had to leave them and get myself relatively sane again - for their sake as much as my own. I don't think anybody can say 'never'. We'd all like to think that this was the case, but we just don't know what's round the corner or what's going to happen in a month, a year, five years or even a decade from now.

nutcracker · 02/06/2005 22:26

It's not always a bad thing. I have a much better relationship with my mum now.

Original poster
mytwopenceworth · 03/06/2005 10:24

katierocket - you know i thought that was unreasonable. whats wrong with making conversation about something you have seen or read? when chatting to people i say oh did you hear about such and such, we then just chat about it, maybe we might agree, maybe we might disagree, but why do the conversations on here have to be question and answer sessions? start with a question or a comment, open a conversation, start chatting, conversations move on and touch lots of topics just like when you are chatting at the school gates!!!
i like to chat on line, so i started a conversation, sometimes i join other peoples conversations. having a chat isnt pointless or none of us would be on mn at all. i was just opening a ruddy conversation and there was no need for you to be rude, if you dont want to talk to me, then dont. maybe other people do.

OP posts:
darlingbud · 03/06/2005 10:29

My2P - just let it wash over you. Well said BTW.

MSN tonight?

beansprout · 03/06/2005 10:33

While the thought fills me with horror, I have a child with a man who did (although he always saw his dd on a regular basis). We have been together for five years but it is only now that I am beginning to realise how painful that must have been for him.

mummylonglegs · 03/06/2005 10:37

Whether or not it's a 'boring' subject (which I don't think it is!), for me right now, leaving dd would be like leaving part of my body behind.

Enid · 03/06/2005 10:43

no of course not

Lizzylou · 03/06/2005 10:46

I personally don't think I ever could, but have known people who have and they weren't evil women, just in bad situations..........

CountessDracula · 03/06/2005 10:48

Oh yes no problem esp when she is being a brat!

(but seriously, no of course not)

tiffini · 03/06/2005 10:50

No, never in a million years.
There is not a man on this planet who could make me.

tarantula · 03/06/2005 10:55

This was one of the things I thought about when I went back to work fulltime and dp stayed at home. The thougth of having to leave dd and not have her living with me makes me feel physically sick. Its bad enough having to go out to work each day. Dp has to actually nag me to go to work dos as I hate not getting home to see dd in the evenings.

MINNIE1 · 03/06/2005 11:22

I would deal with leaving my man, (if things were really really bad) but i could never leave my kids. (well i have none but expecting my first)...
defo a no no