What do you think about "not doing anything" when children are at school/nursery?

[morningpaper]

My daughter's peers are starting nurseries ... and I'm finding myself really SHOCKED at the fact that my mummy-friends aren't doing anything with their time while their children are out of the home. I asked a friend last week what she did and she said "Oh I just get home, tidy up a bit, have a coffee - and then I have to pick him up again!"

As I work from home there is ALWAYS some work I can do. I also do voluntary work and could always do with more time to get stuff done.

I also don't understand why their partners are happy with them just taking 'mornings off' to themselves - aren't they a bit miffed?

I'm probably just jealous but I can't help but think that they are just plain lazy! What do other people feel about this?!

Fairymum - I agree with WWB - you are talking a load of old tosh as far as I am concerned.

clock-watching - how many people at work clock watch to lunch-time then clockatch to home time.

Where does this idea come from, that after the age of five, children no longer need to be looked after, so all the adults in the family can be freely at the disposal of employers?

Many women give up promising careera to look after their children. I admire that so much and wish that I could.

well, that's lucky for you Fio2, but I think a lot of women aren't in that position. I think a lot of women get a shock when they have devoted themselves to bringing up children and done their part in the marriage, then the husband leaves (and let's face it, with the current divorce rate that could happen to us all) and they are left in poverty. I don't see how that is slagging off sahms to say that. if you are not worried about this situation, I think you really must be a bit dim......They should raise it on Fern and Phil...ha ha

fairymum
please dont hurl insults when you know nothng about a person ir their intellect

Er Fairymum, if a nanny were bringing up a man's children, he'd have to pay her expenses. I see no reason why he shouldn't pay their mother's, seeing as her bringing them up is enabling him to pursue a career and pretty much destroying any chance of her making it to the top in her own.

I really don't understand a lot of this thread.

Bringing up kids is hard work, whether you work or not (can we agree on that?) but what is it with this protestant-work-ethic thing whereby none of us must waste a precious moment?

I'm not a SAHM (would go mad i think), but I am a bit lazy. Most SAHMs would beat me hands down in any activity for activity comparison (and yet I have no time - don't know how that happens).

oh I am not lucky Fairymum I am the main carer of my severely disabled daughter who will never live independantly. Alot of people dont have pensions, men and women you know. i do see your point though tbh

and yes, ex-wives should get enough money to live on from ex-husbands if they have the kids.

to a degree

Oh come on, I am giving as good as I get popsycal. And although a father has to pay maintanance for his children after a divorce I don't think he has to pay for an ex-wife. He might have a new wife in his life. Surely you don't want to be that dependant on a man. That's so 50s!

i mean i agree with fairymum about pensions to a degree. i think the law is wrong tbh if someone devotes their life to one side of the marriage equation and the other to the financial side why arent they both entitled? which i think is often the case anyway

it's not about being dependednt on a man, it's about getting fair recognition for the work that is child rearing.

agree with sp

oi dim FM read my posts

Fairymum - I am a SAHM who would do just fine if I got divorced - I had a 20 yr career before I SAHM, so have financial security and a pension of my own which I can take form the age of 50.

Being an older mum I will be nearing state pension age by the time my kids are at university.

No sorry, just can't see a compelling reason for me to work

This thread is very different from Prufrock's thread if that is the one mentioned here. She was asking how others "feel". Marslady's post of her activities before bed sounded so similar to mine and I am sure lots of others can relate. Marthamoo must say your poem was cute too. We are all driven by our internal motivators, genetics, outside experiences, circumstances, etc. Whether someone wants to accept responsibility for this and choose it to attain happiness is another. Lots of us are vital humans and will do anything to avoid playing the role of victim in any way, shape, or form. Choosing the positive for yourself in any situation is always the best, right? Judging another's actions or "activities" is not really where I choose to focus my time and attention. Engaging in conversation to discuss someone's feelings is totally different in my opinion. I always have something to learn. I work full time out of my home and have 3 children, 11, 15 and 20. My older son 20 has a drug problem right now which is very, very difficult. I cared for both of my parents until they died. I also currently care for my brother who is mentally ill--he is currently living in an assisted living arrangement. How these circumstances compare with the circumstances of other parents who have lost a child or have children with special needs, or children that are completely healthy, etc. is for me to remain compassionate about as far I am am concerned, NOT for me to be judgemental about. I could not pretend to know what it is to lose a child, etc. I am not pretending to be a saint, there are times when I am incredibly exhausted and would love to not have the pressure of a full time job with all of the rest on my plate.

For MorningPaper, Not to judge you or attack you, but...how about looking inside yourself to see why you feel a bit "compelled" to contribute, work, control things, etc. Clearly you do not want to end up being your mothermaybe you can start there. I hope I didn't overextend any boundries here. It would have been much easier for me to attack your words, but I think you have some distress going on that almost "forces" you to stay in the workforce and ensure that you never leave it. I for one have some abandonment issuesnot everyone has those same issues or understands how they can make you miserable if you allow them to.

But sunchowder, MP is a sahm isn't she? Just interested, are you american? You write in a very american way. No offense

Yes, I am a bloody American with a British DH. I understand that MP is a stay at home Mom, but she works out of the house also. I hope my Americanisms won't put you off

WHAT is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare??

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

WH Davies

and you fairymum write in a very condescending one, no offence

Very nice Suedonim!

Suedonim - and that should be the end of this thread

You think I am condescending when I say that I believe sahms should have more rights and be recognised by salary and pensions?

I suppose I see this from my Swedish perspective being Swedish. Most Swedish women work and men are a lot more involved in family life/ childcare. I see that most of my friends in Sweden have a nicer work/life balance. Both work, but not such long hours so they get to spend time at home too. I think a ot of British women would like the same opportunity to work too and men to spend more time with their children. I think the roles of mother and father are too polarised.

No FM but this "I don't see how that is slagging off sahms to say that. if you are not worried about this situation, I think you really must be a bit dim......" is pretty condescending. As is this "Surely you don't want to be that dependant on a man. That's so 50s!".