What do you think about "not doing anything" when children are at school/nursery?

[morningpaper]

My daughter's peers are starting nurseries ... and I'm finding myself really SHOCKED at the fact that my mummy-friends aren't doing anything with their time while their children are out of the home. I asked a friend last week what she did and she said "Oh I just get home, tidy up a bit, have a coffee - and then I have to pick him up again!"

As I work from home there is ALWAYS some work I can do. I also do voluntary work and could always do with more time to get stuff done.

I also don't understand why their partners are happy with them just taking 'mornings off' to themselves - aren't they a bit miffed?

I'm probably just jealous but I can't help but think that they are just plain lazy! What do other people feel about this?!

Quite right SoupDragon. It wasn't a neutrally phrased question, was it?

neutrally phrased question, putrification.

that would have been soooooo boring.

I haven't read the whole of this thread, but just wanted to say that ds1, now 3, goes to playgroup 2 mornings a week and during that time ds2, a year old, sleeps, and to me that time is just bliss because it's the only chance I get to sit down, have a cup of tea and read a mag without anyone expecting anything from me.

Where on this thread have I supplied my definition of "feminism"?

Ladies, surely you can only take the time to chat on here when all your chores are done. But, really are they ever done?

Brie, are they ever started? that is the question

I think a lot of mumsnetters are very lazy; don't help out at school, don't do voluntary work, don't clean, just sit their fat arses in front of the pc all day and moan about child parking spaces.

THEN they are suprised when their dh downloads porn, has an affair, they take ads and get divorced.

Probably painfully true, some people do spend an inordinate amount of time pc-facing.

Not I of course.

PF can I ask a quick question. Is feminism about choice? or is it about earning your own money?

I always thought the great advances in feminism means that me and others can have a choice. That traditional 'womens' roles are seen as equal status to traditional 'mens' roles. I see men and women as equals, but with different skill sets. I think there has been a real backlash to the 'Must have a career at all costs' of a few years ago, to trying to find the elusive balance that feels right in what ever family unit you have.

In my household that means a reversal in roles, so I work and am the main breadwinner, dh is not always in full-time emplyment. This is the CHOICE we made as I have the regular earning capacity. Does this mean my dh has to 'ask' for money or feels that he cannot spend? No, just because it happens to be my money that pays the mortgage doesn't mean his contribution isn't valid.

This thread is irritating me, not because of the original post (I am just jealous of those who can spend time on themselves during the day) but becasue of the outdated attitiudes that are now coming in.

Well now on this thread I've been called:

**ing insulting
judgemental
downright rude
smug
selfish

I forget the others.

So I DO apologise ladies for upsetting you so much.

I genuinely wanted to know people's opinions about mums who fill their time with 'house' stuff while their kids are away for 6 hours a day. I gave my opinion ("I'm probably just jealous but I can't help but think that they are just plain lazy!") - because I was just being honest about how this makes me feel. I was interested in other people's responses. I'm very sorry to have made you feel so upset.

Hear hear, I choose to plump cushions all day and get thoroughly pissed with the notion that Ive fallen into the traditional role of housewife. @sequined sandals - I have lots of those! Anyway, going to get me nails done.

MP come on - you wanted a fight

Anyway, you are right about jealousy. I look at dh and he can laze around all day on his fat arse without the slightest tinge of guilt. I can do it for half an hour or so, then HAVE to do something And I'm not catholic either

Why is it lazy not to do anything if you don't have to??? I don't understand that MP, I truly don't.
And although I have tried to avoid this thread..... it is very inflammatory to post that you think SAHM have a cheek not to run themselves ragged doing house work while the kids are away.... and to suggest that their DH's should be pissed off!

My DH would LOVE to be in a position to allow me to stay home with the kids.... alas I have to work. But I can assure you that if I get time to myself and there isn't anything desperately needing done.... I sit on my arse!!! And I am most certainly NOT lazy. HMPH!

Telling us that, in your opnion, SAHMs are lazy wasn't the best way to endear yourself and your argument to us, morningpaper. It's hardly surprising that you have been called a few names when you started off the thread throwing that name at SAHMs.

You gave your opinion, I gave mine. I'm sorry if this upset you.

Although if you only wanted opinions, you should have stuck to the dull as cheese phrasing rather than the "pro MMR/GF I've-tattooed-my-baby" approach.

errr can I just say that alot of people have NO CHOICE either in whether they become a SAHM or not. Some people are so poorly paid they could not even cover their childcare costs

In MPs defense I thought the question was an interesting one. There are women who choose not to go back to work when their children are at school and I would be interested in what they do with their time - not in an 'explain yourself to me' kind of way but a 'how does your life change'kind of way.

I also think it's valid to question whether issues are raised in a relationship when the balance of workload (between a SAHP working looking after small children and a parent working outside the home) shifts (to a parent with school hours free and a parent working outside the home). Is there really no resentment?

This thread is an interesting counterbalance to the one about being fullfilled as an SAHM, I think (but slightly less good natured!).

oh stop it the lot of you. You are like a bunch of children. CAn't you laugh at yourselves for a minute?

dont you think we all just over analyse ourselves and other people nowadays instead of thinking well this is my life, lets make the most of it

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But if we didn't, surely Mumsnet would crumble into dust

puddle - I don't think my dh resents me - he appreciates that I gave up a good career to look after him and the 2 kids - I don't nag him to do chore in the evening or weekend, I don't moan when he wants to watch the Grand Prix (incl all the chat and qualifying) I'm happy for him to go to the gym for a couple of hours.

He deserves his time off as I do mine.

Also as I said before, I have had 20 yrs in employment and have helped him build up a sound financial base - furthermore it was my redundancy payment which enabled us to pay off our mortgage.

He also appreciates that without me holding things together on the home front he would not be able to pursue his career and have a family.