Anyone else feel aggrieved by the Child-free movement?

[beatie]

Mostly my feelings have surfaced in response to this article

in The Observer and the responses of support it provoked the following week. (Can't find them online but they are the usual)

I?m pretty sick of smug journalists writing articles about being child-free and how they feel so hard done by because the rest of society is having children. I?m as sick of their articles vilifying parents as I am sick of reading articles about parenting.

Must there be such a polarisation of child-free Vs parents within society? Can the two camps not co-exist and appreciate what all have to offer society?

And what about some of the terminology that is used by the Child-free, by men and women?. Some of it smacks of misogyny. Child-rearers? Breeders? What vile phrases for women to use against their fellow womankind.

I don?t give two hoots if women make a choice not to have children but I mind very much that they have a problem with those who do. Whilst their act of not having children is no more selfish than my desire to have children, they do show themselves up to being selfish people when they start complaining about their taxes being spent on things which benefit children - like education, nursery places maternity benefits etc? Are they that small-minded not to realise that we ALL pay taxes into a pot from which we do not take out an even amount? I don?t begrudge paying for day centres for the mentally ill, drug rehabilitation units, incapacity benefit, unemployment benefits, new roads, regeneration projects (the list could go on) or many things which I rarely use or hope never to use. Why are parents being singled out?

Have they forgotten that sometime in the past, someone?s taxes paid for their maternity ward, their children?s library, their education?

One the one hand they complain that they come last in the queue to be allowed to take holidays during school holiday time whilst on the other hand gloat that they can take several long-haul (term-time) holidays per year (in fact cite this as a huge plus reason not to have children)

I wholeheartedly agree that ALL employees (not just parents) should be entitled to flexible working and should be able to establish a good work/life balance but often it is non-parents who set the precedence for working excessive hours over and above what is contracted. Also, why moan to us? Parents and parenting groups have spent decades fighting for flexible working rights (it?s not like we even really have it - only the right to request it). If other groups want it, then they can fight for it too.

Pre-children I worked in two different places of work which offered flexi-time to all. My BIL has no children and is allowed to take a 3 month sabbatical every two years (he uses it to travel). Another friend of mine is child-free and she has been allowed to compact her hours into 4 days. Such flexible jobs do exist for non-parents. And there are plenty of part-time jobs out there? many, many part time jobs. They are typically low paid and lowly rewarded but nothing is stopping non-parents from applying for these jobs.

Do child-free women really want a return to the 1960s attitude towards women of childbearing age? How would it benefit them if ALL women had to leave their careers and work-places as soon as they have a baby? It would most probably send the feminism backwards, leaving these child-free women working in an even more male-dominated workplace, perhaps having to put up with sexist comments from the men wondering when the said child-free woman was going to leave and have babies.

Grrrr - can you tell I get a bit hot under the collar about this?!

It's probably been said already, but I've not read all the posts, but in a very simplistic sense, I wonder who the heck these people will think will look after them in their old age, run their economy, build the roads etc etc?
Absolutely agree that all working people should be entitled to flexible working - but the accusation that working parents are somehow favoured is just nonsense.

as someone who was childless until 38 and is now a mother of two, and as someone who works but is also at home, I feel quite pleased that I don't take any of it personally. I even manage to shrug off silly articles vilifying older mothers - always, as you say Blu, written by other women!
Dh is a very committed father. He works p/t to spend one day a week doing all childcare, puts his children above all other commitments, is extremely hands on, and does define himself as a father in many ways. However he doesn't ever think/worry about other people who do things slightly differently. I think that this is a very male attitude, and probably one we could learn from!

I agree with all that is being said here but I think there are two separate issues being discussed here.

One is the Smug mums article and the other is the spin-off (the one which narks me in particular) the child-free movement which is implemented as a hateful campaign, often led by men and directed towards women.

Blu - it has always been a big issue of mine - that regardless of where we are in the parenting/equality stakes - it's women who worry about this stuff - and I think that, in itself, is indicative of how far we have yet to go. I agree with a lot of what you say but I don;t think we need be too harsh on ourselves. So far the major impact of what you might call an equality movement has been on women (even the vocabulary reflects this: feminist, women's lib)men have been plodding on in the workplace as ever before - and it is only really now - quite literally and very slowly - that this whole thing is having an impact on men. The fact that the impact has been on women mean it's women who are going to worry (and write)about it. But we do have "Slack Dad". Give it a few more years and maybe more men will start chipping in too.

""You won't regret not having children, you absolutely won't.You can't put a price on freedom.People die for the right to be free""

Quote from Marcelle d'Argy Smith, former editor of Cosmo in an article in this month's Eve called "Child Free and loving it"

I think I'd regret my life if I ended up looking like Marcelle d'Argy Smith though Cam. Ugh. I spotted that quote too, before all this kicked off.

As rags go, Dino, Eve is better than most. And there is a free set of little zipped bags on the front that will go down well with the mini-dinos if our pair are anything to go by...

See, you can take the girl out of Cosmo, but you can't take Cosmo out of the girl.

Md'AS really is one of the most ridiculous women I've ever read, and it's entirely typical that she would draw parallels between her ability to spend lots of time shopping and having lunch with the global struggle for political or economic freedom.

(Anyway, she's only child-free because she looks like a horse and she can't find anyone to shag her.)

that's what I meant, Snafu

And she'll die alone and no one will find her til the neighbours complain about the smell.

I do know some very attractive women who're childfree by choice, I have to say. But they also are very aware that their choices have shut out some options while opening up many others.

You get a glorious choice of colour options too, Dino.

Oh, don't be so mean about Marcelle! She's very nice really. A bit batty but a heart of gold.
And women have died for the freedom to make choices about their life and that includes their reproductive choices. It ain't my choice but it has to be a valid choice.

not really sure where to put this - don;t think it deserves a thread so thought I'd slot it in here. Anyone else delighted to see two big pages in G2 on nappies WRITTEN BY A BLOKE? Ok so he wasn't analysing how come he gets to change them and whether or not it will affect his sense of fulfillment/his career/his identity. But he was happy to have a picture of himself crouching on the kitchen floor next to a pile of nappies, a nappy bin and a baby, in a national newspaper.