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Original poster

How the f*ck do we raise about £200, and more to the point, I don't WANT to!

22 replies

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 18:31

DH is being best man for his mate.

The other best man (oh yes, can't just have one) and the groom have organised the stag do - it is going to cost a mere £200 if he sticks to a tight food/drink budget, and that doesn't include the petrol costs to get there.

All of them (apart from DH) work in well paid computer jobs with no families to support/commitments etc.

For us, that is more than the food budget for a month. We scrape by every month as it is.

I can't just say "You can't go", but at the same time I am worried sick. I have no idea how we would raise £200 and even if we did have some magical way - there are a hell of a lot better things to spend it on than one outing. He is worrying too, but can't see a way out of it.

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 05/06/2009 18:32

If he is close enough to be best man, could he not confide his problem and see if there's another way?

flamingobingo · 05/06/2009 18:33

What Hecate said. He needs to be honest with the groom.

Original poster

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 18:34

The groom is a lovely bloke, but in his own little world. He has never had to pay full rent anywhere (at uni his dad paid most of it, now he is living in a house with his g/f's mum).

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Original poster

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 18:36

Right - apparently he has now talked to the groom, we are down to about £100 which is more doable.

Mum says she will pay him as a gardener (but I don't know how often as she has a big vet bill to pay), and she is keeping the money until the do so we don't spend it on anything else.

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Original poster

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 18:37

I'm sick of a life worrying about money.

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stealthsquiggle · 05/06/2009 18:38

So it is reality check time - "sorry, mate, I'm really happy to be your best man, but there is no way I can afford this do - maybe we can go out for a drink sometime instead?"

It is (presumably) going to cost you to go to the wedding - I would save any money you can raise for that.

Turbomouth · 05/06/2009 18:39

Have you got anything you can flog on ebay?

TrillianAstra · 05/06/2009 18:39

Was going to say speak to the groom. and grr at people who get by happily in their own little worlds without ever thinking of things like this.

If I needed nappies I would buy some off you...

Portofino · 05/06/2009 18:43

Bootfair? We did 100 euros last weekend selling old clothes/books/dvds after a garage clear out?

Original poster

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 18:43

Why do people need to spend this bloody much on a stag do??? I just don't get it. Why is a drink with your mates not enough any more?

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PlumBumMum · 05/06/2009 18:43

Oh Flame, thats crap, I would get your dh to be completely honest with the groom,
we had to go to a foriegn wedding last year and it cost us loads, and we really scraped through the months after, actually still getting over it!
Could he have a night out with the groom that wouldn't cost so much!
Now there is talk of another foriegn wedding and I told dh outright that we would not be going as I'm not going through it again, he feels bad but he is going to tell his brother that we won't be booking anything and as it cost us too much last time.

I can't wait for all these people to have families etc and realise that its not that easy!
If your dh says about another baby on the way etc, if he's a good friend he will understand

shootfromthehip · 05/06/2009 18:44

We had exactly this problem about 4 yrs ago and it was horrible. We too were sick of being the poor relation but we honestly couldn't afford the expense of the wedding and the stag do. DH didn't go after taking to the groom about it. The other best man was a bit of an arse about it but the groom did understand.

Poor you.

Original poster

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 18:44

Oh the "down to £100" is because the groom has said he will stump up half.

We got rid of most of our crap a while back on freecycle because I was sick of it being the house and never getting car booted

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PlumBumMum · 05/06/2009 18:48

I think he should tell the groom that its a generous offer, but he still can't go, because its still 100 that you need for other things, like going to the wedding and enjoying yourself,
never mind feeding your children etc

I'm getting worked up because just remembered that as well as the foreign wedding the groom wants his stag in NewYork which I also told dh NO WAY

Original poster

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 20:02

Oooh result - I think it is doable. We have just discovered that 2 old mobiles sat here are worth about £60 combined on one of those website thingies. He got £20 for the first lot of gardening, and I know he will get 1-2 more.

He is going to offer lifts to the do in exchange for petrol costs.

Feeling much calmer and happier that he won't have to miss out again (he has missed a lot of things over the years for the same reason).

Wedding itself shouldn't cost too much - I was given a maternity dress which is perfect for it, he has a hire suit, the children have stuff that will look fine All we have to pay for is a small wedding gift (and I mean small), and DH's drinks on the day which I know he will keep to bare minimum (I can go with water - can't drink alcohol anyway).

Still irks thinking of what we could spend the money on, but I know I get various bits during the year (the odd coffee out) that he doesn't, so I think he deserves something.

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Original poster

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 20:04

@ the foreign wedding and stag do in new york btw!

One of my old friends has announced he is getting married in Italy. His best friend since childhood can't afford to go. I hate the idea that he won't be there

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TrillianAstra · 05/06/2009 20:06

Well done for finding the mobiles and making money out of them! that you have two that are actually worth anything! Those adverts always look like a con: 'we'll give you £100 if you have a perfect-condition phone that would cost £300 new'.

Original poster

Flamesparrow · 05/06/2009 20:07

Tis a boys n toys thing - he got limited edition phones both of the last times his contract was up for renewal, so they are worth more now. My old ones are worth about 12p.

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tutu100 · 05/06/2009 20:13

You have my sympathies Flame. Last year when I was pregnant dp was going on a mates stag do to Cardiff. I said it was ok to go because he works hard and we weren't having a family holiday because I was pregnant and ill.

Anyway it ended up costing us £400 pounds for a weekend in Wales! I was so livid thinking of the lovely pram I could have had for that amount of money and all the other things I would buy if I had a spare £400 (which we don't).

This year another friend is having a stag do. I told dp no way could he go as this year there is absolutly no spare money. Anyway he spoke to the guy arranging the trip and suggested a few things. He is now going but it is costing around £100. I have told him this time if they come up with any extra activities/fancy dress requirements/specially printed t-shirts he is to say no and he can blame me.

Can you tell I still feel very bitter about it. Only plus side is that the groom from last year now has his own baby so at least someone else understands about the money now.

TrillianAstra · 05/06/2009 20:17

By the way I'm very impressed and pleased that you want him to go and are happy for him that he can True love, and all that.

Original poster

Flamesparrow · 06/06/2009 13:47

eek @ £400 for a weekend in Wales!

Trillian - with everything he is having to do during this pregnancy, he deserves something.

Spoken to my mum today - she hadn't asked if he was coming for more gardening because she didn't want to seem pushy if he didn't want to do the work, and I hadn't said anything because I didn't want her to feel we were nagging for money if she couldn't spare it atm . We're now all sorted for the work to start again

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tutu100 · 06/06/2009 14:48

I know that was for everything. When he intially agreed to go we thuoght it would be about £200, but then they kept deciding to do things like quad biking and something else, they had special t-shirts printed which because they got last minute cost £20 rather than if they'd shopped round and got a deal. Then they all had to get a fancy dress for one night it just all mounted up. Like I said this year I have put my foot down. He can go, but no extras.

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